Hades & Company - Prologue

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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to always tell the difference.
Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five


It was, in a word, beautiful.

He had seen it all before. The mad crowds, the drunks, the celebrating and the laughter and the applause. The countdown to a brave new world. After years of watching and observing, he finally understood their fixation, their love, for the stroke of midnight that signaled both a beginning and an end. It wasn't for all the things it meant, but rather all the things it could mean. Change. Love. Redemption.

It was the teasing of the ideas and promises that titillated the most, because the delivery was always either underdone or left unaccounted for altogether. Somewhere in the back of their minds they knew that a new year simply meant more of the same, except everything would cost more and every birthday cake would have yet another candle; aside from that, few things could be promised. But still they celebrated, got drunk, and told themselves that things would be better, because things are supposed to get better, right?

He understood. They weren't stupid for it, they weren't even foolish. It was simply their nature, the same way that a fish knows that water is its home, people make their home in hope.

They were about to start the countdown, the excitement mounting across the country in Times' Square. It was playing on practically every TV in the casino. He turned his attention away from the monitors around which all his guests had gathered to watch, in excitement, the official unveiling of the New Year. No one seemed to notice he was gone. After lifetimes of playing invisible, he knew how to slip in and out without being seen or missed.

He was out on the veranda, letting the cold - some would say harsh - winter wind whip against his face. It felt good. Hand on his heart – and make no mistake, the “Devil” does have a heart – it felt good. He hadn't forgotten what physical pleasure was, at least not yet. Maybe after another thousand years.

The sound of their voices echoed out to his exterior sanctuary. The countdown would begin at any moment now, he suspected. His cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He rather disliked the vibrate function. There was something about a ringing phone that somehow made him feel more important. He opened the phone, said hello.

The voice on the other end of the line was hoarse and barely discernible, but there was never a second of doubt to him whose voice it was. He listened as she talked, and did he hear a few sobs in there as well?

“Huh,” he said, distracted as the people inside began the countdown. “Yeah, yeah. I'll be there." There was something she wasn't telling him. Clever Hera, always one step ahead of everyone. Or at least that's the way she saw things through those warped little eyes of hers. "Love you, hon." The line went dead. Apparently she wasn't feeling very loving tonight.

He quickly downed what was left of his champagne and tossed the glass off the balcony. He watched with a strange pleasure as the cup fell, shimmered briefly in the moonlight and faded away into the blackness.

Turning around, he took one last glance at the roomful of partygoers, counting down towards the dawn of the new day. In a sad little way, he envied them. Ignorance was bliss, after all. Take a good look at the man, see his pale skin stretched over the skull-like face, the curly red hair, the eyes blue as any cliche you can think of. This is Hades, Lord of the Underworld and Keeper of the Dead. He had come a long way from Hell to this casino in Las Vegas, high above the rocky, parched desert of Nevada, all in the quest of some small escape. He would go back, play Devil, and keep the clockwork of the Universe ticking nice and smooth but for now, for this tiny, tiny moment, he was one of them, looking forward to something he did not fully understand but craved and dreaded to know.

As the countdown reached zero, the tumult broke as the cries and shouts exploded across the casino and the world, and Hades – like a glimmer in the corner of your eye – was gone.
Last edited by PaulClover on Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:27 am, edited 5 times in total.
Remember your name. Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found. Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped to help you in their turn. Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story. - Neil Gaiman




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Hey Paul!

So, I'm becoming a stalker of your work. I finished reading In Memoriam yesterday (though, haven't finished reviewing it quite yet) and frankly, you rock. ^_^

Anyways, on to a review:
He had turned his attention away from the monitors around which all his guests had gathered round to watch, in excitement, the official unveiling of the New Year.

Cut that. Since "around" was already said, the "round" is redundant.

There was something about a ringing phone that somehow made him feel more important.

Add in "that" for the sentence to make more sense.

Those are both things I've noticed in your writing. You tend to throw in extra (redundant) words, or leave out smaller connecting words. Not a problem, it happens to everyone. Just something to keep an eye out for. ;)

He opened the phone, said Hello.

This, I feel, should either be:
He opened the phone, said hello.
or
He opened the phone, said "Hello".
Basically, the H in "hello" should only be capitalized in this line if it's the start of a sentence in his dialogue.

This is a very interesting start to a larger work. It does well as a prologue, which is hard to do. (Also, I'm really digging the quoted bit from Slaughterhouse 5. Vonnegut is awesome.) I like how you take characters like Death in In Memoriam, and Hades in this and give them a new life/new spin. You do a very good job of representing these characters as people, more than just gods/immortal beings.

I don't have much else to say. Shoot me a PM when you post more of this, I'd love to keep reading/reviewing it. :)

Great job and keep writing!

-Lauren-
Got YWS?




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So... I was happened to be listening to this song at the same time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlL_-5VfQJI&feature=player_embedded, and it went perfectly with this. Jus' sayin'.

Anyhow, two suggestions:

In the very first line, I'd change it to "in one word", but that's just how I prefer it.

Also, "drunks" is fine, but I'd go with "drunkards". Meh, your choice again.
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If you don't keep writing, I'll chain you in front of your computer till you do. ;)
|Life|
Call me crazy; I prefer 'enjoys life while one can'.
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The pen's mightier than the sword - especially when it's wielded by a flipmothering dragon.
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Once again PAUL! you hit a homerun. I envy your natural talent, flair, and value in creating characters that seem to last throughout ages. As If I knew this character personally and had brought him recently back into memory, thinking of where life could have taken him, that's how I feel every time I read one of your knew characters. Anyway, you certainly have a fanboy here! haha. Great prologue to a story that intrigued me since the first quote. I love the topics you write about, and the way you perceive them. Honestly, your stories to me are more allegorical than just stories. I am so happy I have a way of reading your work. Fantastic job! I may be hitting you up for some help soon if you don't mind haha.
Always excited to read your new work,
Tommybear




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Wow! I really liked this! :D The sentence fluency really worked out well, and it was well written. As an uber-fan of Greek mythology I think you captured the idea of Hades in a new and pretty epic way. I really hope you continue writing past the prologue because I'd really like to read more!
'Evil exists in all of us Torak. Some fight it. Some feed it. That is how it has always been.'

"There is always a choice," said Torak, and he backed off the cliff.




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Bunny here to review. ;) Bweh heh heh...

Ok, first off: buckets o' brownie points for opening with a Vonnegut quote. You wanna make me happy? Quote Vonnegut.
That aside, I'm already loving this. Your writing continues to impress, and even in this small space you've done something...awesome. Taking the Greek mythology route is a risky move what with it being so done, but I see something unique here. Hades, despite being Lord of the Underworld and all that, seems remarkably relatable here, and I like that. A lot of times, the gods depicted in stories like this will seem too overwhelming even in a human form, if that makes sense.
Also, something about opening up with a New Years setting fit very well. I liked all of the thoughts about the new year in the introduction and the shift into the little get together Hades attends. It's so...human. I personally hate New Years as a holiday, but this was all very familiar.
Really, my only complaints are tiny: Namely, I want more, and that's easily solved with another installment. *wink wink/nudge nudge*

Nitpicks and details of praise:
He understood. They weren't stupid for it, they weren't even foolish. It was simply their nature, the same way that a fish knows that water is its home, people make their home in hope.

How quotable. I loved this. I like that you're lightening the mood by making Hades seem so understanding of the human race. But just as much as I like your take on Hades, I wonder just how lighthearted you can make this story with him as a central character and still get away with it. Sensitivity or not, Hades is a dark character, whether one views him as a blue flame-haired villain or the unlucky brother that just got stuck with the worst lot. Sure, this is just the prologue, and we as readers haven't gotten to know your Hades too closely, but just in the future, I'd be careful taking him down the sunshine unicorn path...even though the irony might be pretty funny.
There was something about a ringing phone that somehow made him feel more important

I liked this a lot. It seems very...god-like. ;)
"Love you, hon." The line went dead. Apparently she wasn't feeling very loving tonight.

This part somewhat confused me. Hera, despite her husband being a man-whore, is married to Zeus, and from what I can recall, is faithful to him. Upon my first read, I got the impression that something fishy was going on between her and Hades, and if that's the case...well, more power to ya. If not, I would make it a little more clear as to their relationship. Though "love" has many applications, I still feel a little confused by this, so I'd address that. Or maybe I'm just a sick-minded freak who automatically assumes everyone is committing incest. Who knows.
Take a good look at the man, see his pale skin stretched over the skull-like face, the curly red hair, the eyes blue as any cliche you can think of.

I...was definitely not expecting this. Hades has red hair. Aren't we imaginative? ;) I like this image of him, and I think it fits with he personality you're portraying. I'd suggest maybe mention something about his looks earlier on. I instantly saw your hades as having straight, light brown hair for some reason, so this was sort of a turn. Ok, ok, so this is the prologue, and if you're gonna describe a character, here's a good a place as any, and even a description at the end will still serve it's purpose. So, it's really your call. The shock has value, but I like to be able to visualize MCs early on, keeping relatively the same image instead of a sudden description disrupting that reel. Not a big deal...I just figured I needed something to complain about after giving you so much praise. Hurr hurr

There are many other lovely things above that just...sparkled when I read them, but I'd basically be quoting the entire piece if I went that into detail. Paul, you have an avid fan now in me. Your writing flows so nicely and with such a maturity, it kinda weirds me out. In a good way, obviously. So, I hope this review helped in some sort of fashion, if only to provide you with something to read. :3
If you have any questions about anything I've said, please PM me or spam up my wall. Or both. That's cool, I guess. If you need anything else at all, let me know! And do think about prizes, darling. ;) Anyways, I'm glad you asked me to read this. I really enjoyed it.
WRITE MORE.
Much loves,
Bunny
"I can have oodles of charm when I want to." --Kurt Vonnegut Jr.



If you want something badly, you just gotta believe it's gonna work out.
— Andy, Parks & Rec