Young Writers Society

These steps that led to heaven,
These roads that led to earth,
are all that life has given,
the cross of death and birth.

These hands that help the young ones,
These hearts that share the pain,
are all that life has offer,
It opens up a way.

These tears that we have broken,
These track that we had run,
Are all that life has given,
The race has just begun.

Life has given me weaknesses,
Life has given me strength,
but I'll use all my weaknesses,
to lessen all your pain.

So what will you choose?

are all that life has offer

are all that life has to offer

Life has given me weaknesses,
Life has given me strength,
but I'll use all my weaknesses,
to lessen all your pain.

this doesn't fit with the rhythmic or rhyming pattern of the rest of the poem.

So what will you choose?

rhetorical or not, this question is sort of annoying and, i'd hate to say it...cliche.

however, i really enjoyed this poem. besides these few corrections, i wouldn't change a thing. i especially enjoyed your first stanza. it seems to have a bit of a christian view point, no? all in all, very good subject - you depicted it well.

Ah, yes, this poem was very refreshing. I've read alot of ryhming poems lately but yours is the only one that really flows. Except the last stanza, I think "Weakessess" is too long of a word to fit your rythem sceame, and the last stanza doesn't ryhme so messes up the whole thing.

And the ending, ugh, no offense but I hated it. Please change. Other than that it was very nicely written. Good work!

These track that we had run

This doers not make sense. Could it be 'These tracks that we have run' perhaps?

Also, i also agree the last stanza cuts the rhythmic flow of the poem.
Overall a nice poem, makes the reader think about every line.

I didn't like it, actually. I thought it was exceptionally cliched with a weak ending. The rhyming felt forced, and this is chock full of lengthy descriptions and I didn't like the repitition. The idea was good, the actual execution of the idea...needs work.

hearts and hugs
~Misty

I lied. No, not really, but I went and reread it after posting and it was uh...really really good. Lol, sorries. But the first stanza===EXCELLENT! lovely lovely. Sorry for my indecisiveness.

Still
~Misty

it was okay I really liked the first stanza the second one is a bit off rythem.. the last stanza just seemed to bother me I think it is because of the repeated word weaknesses... but overall it was a pretty good poem nicely done

I thought it was a good idea moderately executed...and that a few edits could do you good.

There is a grammatical error in the line : “are all that life has offer,”-this should either be “are all that life has to offer,” or “are all that life has offered,”.
the very next line: “It opens up a way.”-what is that supposed to mean?
And then the lines: “but I'll use all my weaknesses, / to lessen all your pain.”-seem confusing-how can you use your weakness to heal my pain?? It doesn’t sound very practical.
I think you should capitalize all the first-letters of the first-words of each line.
on the whole, the poem is quite nice-I appreciate the continuous flow and the pattern you’ve maintained.
Is the last line very necessary? I don’t think it suits-what am I ‘to chose’ from?????