RED

RED ROSE


Im a Red Rose in a garden of weeds..
Im beautiful and fragile. I have thorns
on both sides of my stem.. I come in
different colors red, white, pink and
Yellow. Im everyone's favorite flower
on Valentine's Day and anniversaries.
Hold me unproperly and my thorns will
poke you til your finger starts to bleed..
treat me with love and I will ignite your
senses with my sweet perfume.

Hi!
I think that this is a nice piece, not entirely original, but still decent. The line arrangement confused my a little.

HelloKitty87 wrote:Im - use an apostrophe or preferably write I am - a Red Rose in a garden of weeds..
Im - see above, same applies -beautiful and fragile. I have thorns
on both sides of my stem.. I come in
different colors - needs a colon and I'd start a new line here - red, white, pink and
Yellow. Im - again, see the very top - everyone's favorite flower
on Valentine's Day and anniversaries.
Hold me unproperly - I think the word you're looking for is improperly -and my thorns will
poke you til your finger starts to bleed.. - this doesn't flow and is too casual and, to be honest, it makes me think that you haven't even tried. Perhaps use stab as a more dramatic alternitive to poke, and the until as appose to 'til' -
treat me with love and I will ignite your
senses - senses should be on the previous line -with my sweet perfume.

Not my most favorite piece: definately needs ALOT of work. It's got promise, though. Sorry for the harsh critique! AC

I see nothing wrong with it.. its supposed to be a short poem..
Im not being graded for punctuation or grammar.. Im glad you liked it
though but like I said, its not something that needs to be graded on.

I liked it, it showed how the rose could be the most beautiful flower, yet cause pain. If you'd have put in a bit more expression in it, it'd really sound amazing. Good work

Hello, this is a cute poem! I like the imagery in this poem. For example, "Hold me unproperly and my thorns will/ poke you til your finger starts to bleed.." I like this line because of the imagery in it. However, I think you should add a bit more imagery because the poem is more abstract than concrete. For example, you can describe what you, as the rose, look like more. Also, I think you should vary the structure of the poem because it would make the poem more interesting. Rather than having one really long verse, you can break it into more than one verse. If you read poetry by poets like William Wordsworth, William Shakespeare, or Wallace Stevens, you'll see that their poems have more than just one verse in them. Just one last thing, I think you should put an apostrophe between I and m in the first two lines and fifth line. Other than that, I like the poem.

Sure thing. I will do so.
thanks. Im glad you liked it.