Beauty

Spoiler

I wrote down whatever came to my mind and i came up with this. I am much satisfied by this because i am a rhyme person and i have never written a free verse before. So, it's up to you peeps to decide whether it is good or not.

Your eyes blushed at a sight of mine.
The shadow of your smile,
falling on your icy blue eyes.
My silence has spoken the words,
I could never have said in this lifetime.

Don’t think about tomorrow.
Look, what’s in store for us, this evening.
Under the dim light of the fallen sun.
Two bodies groove to the beats,
as flashes of golden light outlines them.

Those silk like wavy curls, slithering like a serpent.
Your face, shining like a glass emitting its own light.
Those fragile lips like the crimson evening skies.
Drink all the pleasure in the bowl of time.
Live life as if it were about to end.
We’ll see whatever happens tomorrow.

I can feel an angelic essence from your voice.
And I can see rainbows in that essence.
You are always with me, even if you’re not here.
Clouds, butterflies, buds, waves, flowers and winds.
All are like a part of your never ending beauty.
I am unconscious now.
Everyone says I am in love with you.
And now it is for you to decide.


Hope you guys like it.

Woww. Breathtaking, like seriouslyy. :O
Loved it.

Awww, so very sweet! I loved it! Like you, I am a rhyming person, I've never liked anything of my own in this style. However, this is just grand

I really like the imagery in this poem. It's like you actually see what is happening when you read it, which is hard to do for a lot of people. Usually I really dislike poems that don't rhyme because, to me, they never seem to have rhythm or flow at all, but this poem was very well written and I liked it very much. I think you should continue with free verse because you are very good at it

P.S. very nice usage of similes in this

Wow! you express yourself pretty good in writing poetry.. I wish I knew how.. it takes me a while to put my ideas together
and sometimes it causes writer's block. I wish I can write a poem using words that rhyme.

Oh my Gosh this is amazing You are SOOOO good

I really did enjoy reading this . Its amazing the different ways you can describe a person and the way they may make you feel .

Hello again Ehte! Here to review as requested! ^-^ Again, I apologize for making you wait so long for the review.

First of all - I did like this poem, but there were a few things that kept me from loving it as a whole. It had some incredible lines, and then some that sort of took away from the feel of things.

For example, your first line. Eyes blushing? That seemed a little off to me. Eyes don't blush. Now, I know that this is poetry and you were obviously trying to portray some kind of imagery with the line, but all it did was confuse me. I just don't think it was the best choice in words. The last two lines of the first stanza, however, I did really quite like.

Another thing I wanted to point out about the first stanza:

Your eyes blushed at a sight of mine.
The shadow of your smile,
falling on your icy blue eyes.

The repetition of 'eyes' there was just unattractive. It ruined the flow of the stanza, and it just... well, after you say eyes once, that should be enough, right? I'd try rephrasing that.

I didn't like the first two lines of the second stanza either - 'don't think about tomorrow, look at what's in store' is just overused. Now, they aren't bad lines or anything, but I have this thing with poems. If some of the lines are strong, I would much rather all of the lines are strong. Those two lines weren't strong, and they were disappointing. The rest of the stanza? Excellent.

I don't have too much to say about the third stanza.

Those fragile lips like the crimson evening skies.
Drink all the pleasure in the bowl of time

Other than this: I loved those two lines. You had lost my attention with the second stanza (even if the rest of it was good - my attention is just hard to gain back), but here? You nabbed it again.

The last stanza had another line that I wasn't that fond of:

Clouds, butterflies, buds, waves, flowers and winds.
All are like a part of your never ending beauty.

Well, I just didn't really like this - at all. The first line was just a list of nouns - which I just found annoying, and the second line was a weak support. I just didn't like it.

So, in a nutshell - this poem has its ups and downs, as a lot of poems do. It's good, but it could definitely use some touching up.

Keep writing
~~Ish.

This is simply amazing! There are a few things I would change, like shorten up the lines a bit, but I love it! Keep writing, you have major talent.