A Heart, a Soul

5 posts
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Mickixoxo
Gender Female
Points 3420
Reviews 126
Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:34 pm
Mickixoxo says... · Fri Mar 25, 2011 8:34 pm
A heart, a soul, from somewhere near
I wish for what I cannot hear
I bear the thought that's deep inside
That sometimes one can never hide.

This heart and soul, are oh so dear
They hide the weight of all my fear
Sometimes this thought I can't confide
This thought of mine will not abide.

This heart, this soul, will never last
But I keep the memories of our past
I never want to be alone
But future's never set in stone

My love for you is unsurpassed
A simple thing is oh so vast
You're the best I've ever known
You, my king upon your throne.
If there's a 50/50 chance of getting something wrong go for it anyway because there is also a 50/50 chance of getting it right

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. ~Edgar Allen Poe
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AdoxagraphyAngelus
Gender None specified
Points 6829
Reviews 109
Sat Mar 26, 2011 3:27 am
AdoxagraphyAngelus says... · Sat Mar 26, 2011 3:27 am
I'm no poetry queen, so I'm glad to have you as my partner for the pairs poetry contest.
I really like the emotion this holds, and how the words flow together. HUZZAH!
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
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Gratziella13
Gender None specified
Points 1040
Reviews 5
Sat Mar 26, 2011 2:13 pm
Gratziella13 says... · Sat Mar 26, 2011 2:13 pm
Wow, that is good stuff. So emotional yet so effortless, almost. I think you should write a bit more, extend it a bit, but I don't think that particularly matters as it is already amazing.
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writerwithacause
Gender Female
Points 5010
Reviews 133
Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:43 am
writerwithacause says... · Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:43 am
A heart, a soul, from somewhere near...
I wish for what I cannot hear.
I bear the thought that's deep inside
That sometimes one can never hide.

This heart and soul, are oh so dear,
They hide the weight of all my fear.
Sometimes this thought I can't confide,
This thought of mine will not abide.

This heart, this soul, will never last
But I keep the memories of our past -- remove that article there in order not to affect the rhythm.
I never want to be alone[b],
But future's never set in stone.

My love for you is unsurpassed,
A simple thing is oh so vast.
You're the best I've ever known,
You, my king upon your throne.


Apart from the punctuation issues, I enjoyed your poem. I must say, you're really talented at rhyming. :) And it gives the poem a a pleasant musicality.
Julie, a sucker for romance, historical fashion, medieval fairs and blues music. Add photography and you already know me 50%. The rest of me you'll discover through my writings and my photos.

my fictionpress
my greatest project, a history-inspired romance
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Kittengirl2
Gender Female
Points 1957
Reviews 52
Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:33 pm
Kittengirl2 says... · Sun Mar 27, 2011 5:33 pm
This is really good, I like it.

Mickixoxo wrote:This heart, this soul, will never last
But I keep the memories of our past
I never want to be alone
But future's never set in stone

This was my favorite stanza, although I'm not sure about the two 'never's there. The flow is nice and good job with the rhyming. I don't really have any real critiques for you, that's how good it was. :)

Keep writing!

~KG
"A kitten is an angel with whiskers."
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You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan