La noche

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La noche
La noche
Dreams,
No, dreams aren't for the satisfied,
those in love with the real,
those not clinging to the paraphernalia of time,
we believe not in the stillness of thought,
but in the beauty of action,
holding, embracing moments as they come
not when it is their time to leave,
to waltz out into memory,
into subconscious.
Never digging through the rubble of the past
looking for the surviving trinkets of time.

La noche,
La noche,
A sky bejewelled
And under it motion!
Yes locomotive nights,
moments fast coming,
fast fading,
you are at fault not to enjoy
it,
not to dance when music plays
loud
roaring!
A lion in your ear,
You have hulled yourself into
a pit dug by your own hands,
where you waste time,
wishing on fairy dust,
hoping to redo, undo, replay
and alter
so you can get a second chance
But time doesn't favour.
My friend,
Time does not pick sides.
Rise and kiss the real,
love the image not its reflection,
embrace the now not its
shadow.




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I really liked this it would have been better If I new what La noche meant though...
But I really like this even though \I don`t know the meaning!
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train




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Hi, Upile! Nice to meet you. I'm Demeter. :)

You know what, I liked this a lot. (And I did some research and found out the "la noche" means night!)

I really don't have that many things that I didn't like/nitpicks to point out, because I enjoyed reading this. One thing I could say, though, is that especially in the first stanza, the punctuation feels slightly superfluous. When you have commas after every line, it creates a rushed mood, like if you were running and panting a lot. It makes me as the reader feel a little uncomfortable. I'd suggest you look over the poem and scratch the commas and other punctuation marks you don't need -- I'm pretty sure you'll find a good deal of them!

This reminded me a little of SOC (stream of consciousness) writing. Well, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure what is meant by that, haha, but I have a feeling that this might qualify as something like it. At least at some points.

I love this:

the surviving trinkets of time


and this:

locomotive nights


and this:

embrace the now not its
shadow. (I think there needs to be a comma after "now" though!)


So, well done! Let me know if you'd like me to take a look at your other work, too. :)


Demeter
x
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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La noche
La noche
Dreams,
No, dreams aren't for the satisfied,
those in love with what's real,
those not clinging to the paraphernalia of time, -- hm, not sure if "paraphernalia" is the best word to use here.
we believe not in the stillness of thought,
but in the beauty of action,
holding, embracing moments as they come
not when it is their time to leave, -- abrupt shift from one line to another one, maybe start a new phrase and end this one here?
to waltz out into memory,
into subconscious.
Never digging through the rubble of the past
looking for the surviving trinkets of time.

La noche,
La noche,
A sky bejewelled -- great metaphor!
And under it, motion!
Yes, locomotive nights,
moments fast coming,
fast fading,
you are at fault not to enjoy
it,
not to dance when music plays
loud
roaring! -- I'd place "it", "loud" and "roaring" in the same line before.
A lion in your ear,
You have hulled yourself into
a pit dug by your own hands,
where you waste time,
wishing on fairy dust,
hoping to redo, undo, replay
and alter
so you can get a second chance
But time doesn't favour.
My friend,
Time does not pick sides. -- love this line
Rise and kiss the real,
love the image, not its reflection,
embrace the now, not its [same line] shadow.
Julie, a sucker for romance, historical fashion, medieval fairs and blues music. Add photography and you already know me 50%. The rest of me you'll discover through my writings and my photos.

my fictionpress
my greatest project, a history-inspired romance




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Beautiful.. how did you come up with the words for this poem?
I could hardly make the words rhyme.




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I love this.
This will be a crappy review because I don't really have anything I want to critique here. haha.

embrace the now not its
shadow.


I agree with Demeter here. I think there should be a comma between now and not.
Thanks for the awesome read. This was very, very cool.
"We're the new face of failure. Prettier, younger, but not any better off."



don't try me bro
— Seirre