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Re-cap: The MC (Josh, I forgot to put the name somewhere, but it'll be in the next chapter), dropped down from a mysterious sky after his DS lagged (sounds random as hell if you haven't read the first one xD), and he crashed into a tower.
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This little pussy-cat was alive. I don't know how, but there I was, my lungs inhaling and expelling breath after breath, working in collaboration with my oddly calm heart. You know what? I didn't really care how I was alive. A person who survives that kind of a fall isn't in a place to whine. I felt rough rubble digging into my back, but that's all – there was no pain. That couldn't have been a good sign, but again I didn't really care. I just focused on drawing in those juicy breaths. I was alive.
A maniacal laugh escaped me. It rebounded back to me, from which I guessed I was in an enclosure of sorts. My eyes felt gummy and it took three tries to pry them open. When they did crack open, what I saw was breathtaking. A beam of light shone through a rugged hole in the ceiling, and particles of dust disturbed by my fall danced in the spotlight. I watched them distractedly; they were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
”Since when have you been this dramatic?” The teasing voice was sweet and melodic.
As if in a daze, in which I most probably actually was, I let my head lull to the side, in the direction the sound had come from.
Holy shit. I take back what I said about those sparkly things.
On the edge of a very comfortable-looking four-poster, there sat a voluptous blonde. Her perfect cherry lips were pursed in an 'o' of pleasured surprise. She stared me in the eyes, her blues eyes dazzling with youthful excitement; she plucked a stray strand of golden hair out of her eyes. I followed the long strand down, down, down, wow. Da-amn. Nice rack. I mean, take two of them full-size melons you can find at a market. That would add up to roughly one of them. You can guess where my eyes lingered for the moments until she broke the silence.
”And you're ready for action too. You never let me down, do you?” An impish grin broke out on her face as her gaze traveled downwards; she made a pleased sound in the back of her throat.
For a second, I was completely puzzled. Then I followed her gaze and blushed substantially. Well, what do you know. My pants were still down.
The blonde giggled. ”So this was the birthday present you've kept me on my toes for a month. I thought it would be something special, as it is my eighteenth birthday, but this is far better than anything I ever thought you'd come up with.” She smiled with sweet evil. ”You know I'm still a virgin, right? You'll have to teach me...” Her hands caressed her body very suggestively. ”Thoroughly,” she added with a lick of those delicious lips.
Umm... Sure. Unfortunately, I hadn't regained my vocal capabilities and could just gape at the goddess who had promised herself to me. I didn't care who she thought I was, not one bit. The blonde flowed to her feet and stalked towards me playfully, accentuating the sway of her hips. She was smiling self-conciously, her gaze locked below my mid-riff.
My heart – which had been calm at the prospect of falling from the sky – had gone on a rampage, trying to beat its way out of my chest and offer itself to her. My breaths came in sharp intakes, reminding me of a starving dog about to be fed. Yes, I admit. I was both panting and salivating. Wuff, wuff, a-uuu.
She stepped into the cylinder of light, the sparkly things setting her hair to life; it glowed like true gold. A silver tiara perched upon her crown of locks completed the image. A princess, some distant voice in my head told me. Score? Hell yeah.
Fully aware of what she was doing to me, she nibbled on the tip of her finger, thrusting her hip to the left.
”I bet you'd like to-”
An echoing blast of royal trumpets interrupted her and she cocked her head, her hair shimmering with the motion. She gave out a fragile sigh.
”It seems my birthday feast has begun.” She pouted prettily. ”I guess I must leave or they'll be angry at me. We'll finish this later, my dear. I greatly appreciate your gift, don't get me wrong. But for the time being, make yourself presentable and come down to the feast; the kingdom needs its hero. I'll see you later, Mario.” The princess smiled dazzingly and swept out of the room with a swish of her skirts.
So close, but yet so far. I clutched at the air where she had stood and slammed my fist down on a rock. Again, no pain. Damn. What's the use of punishing yourself for failure if even a hard rock doesn't hurt you?
Something about what she had said bugged me, but I couldn't place my finger on the problem. Later, she had said. Later. I grinned. Finally my luck was turning. And a feast didn't sound bad at all; hopefully it was one one of those all-you-can-eat ones, for I had noticed my stomach grumbling. I realized belatedly that I hadn't eaten anything after school. School...it seemed ages and worlds apart, a hazy memory from a past life.
I was more content here, lying on a bed of rubble with my pants down, than I had ever been before. The thought was weird. I shook my head and sat up, regarding the room about me. Pink was the dominant color, but here and there I glimpsed others, mostly bright and cheerful ones. Lush carpets littered the floor and the main decoration seemed to be discarded garments that were laying all over the place. Groovy.
I heaved myself to my feet, pulling on my pants, but I had a little trouble.
”Down boy, down!” I hissed in annoyance, but it didn't listen, of course, so I had to struggle for a few moments.
Finally done with that humiliating feat, I quietly slipped out of the room, feeling bad about the wreckage I had wrought on this lavish room. I shut the door behind me; the ornate plate on the door read: 'Princess Peach'.
I began the long descent from the tower - at least I assumed it was long, it being a tower and all. Abruptly, I spun around and dashed back to the lightly built door, staring at the name plate. Couldn't be. It was just a coincidence. How? Inside, I knew the truth. The princess had called me 'Mario'. Now I remembered. How in hell did this happen? Aliens came back to my mind, unbidden. Cut me some slack, hey; it's not every day you find yourself pantless in the room of an honest-to-God princess.
Hoo boy.
But do you know what made me shrug and continue downwards? I was going to get laid by Princess Peach. Stick that up your scooter-driving ass.
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Although, because of that, I always find funny things difficult to review. Also, I've never played Mario, so I bet I'm missing loads of in-jokes. ^_^ 
But I'd change "uplifting trumpets", cos the description doesn't really fit here.