Intentions of a stirring solace.

Why must I sit in stillness and dark?
Why must I watch days go past my window?
Is there no hope for a grieving soul,
captured beneath in a fiery place?

If thy heavens are far, then where does a good soul,
find a solace in his land?
Is this animation, a jokers entertainment?
Where can one find a comedy without laughter?

Slavery is unkind, to the untrained eye,
you must seek what you see,
and see what you seek.
Do not reach beneath the water,
with the intention of a stirring solace.

I wrote this poem when I was reeling particularly lonely, yes, I know it is one of those poems that is either terrible, or terribly good. Please don't be cruel..

Why can't I be cruel? It's so much fun. Anyway I'm not going to be cruel because I rather enjoyed this poem. Perhaps it is because I know that feeling of loneliness I connect with poems like this more. I don't know. Overall, this poem was fantastic. It had imagery which evoked sadness, words which seem to have a light touch on the heart which makes it yearn for something more. However, there are a few problems I saw with it.

For starters I see too much punctuation, like here:

Is there no hope for a grieving soul,
captured beneath in a fiery place?

The comma should really not be there. It impedes the flow of the poem. As I read on further the only thing that bothered me was the recurrence of this error. I have done it myself, but you must read it through aloud and determine how it sounds with the punctuation.

It might seem as though commas are not a big deal, but they are. In this poem another stanza seemed choppy due to punctuation:

Slavery is unkind, to the untrained eye,
you must seek what you see,
and see what you seek.
Do not reach beneath the water,
with the intention of a stirring solace.

The ones marked in red are unnecessary pauses. Think about revising those. Other than that though I thought this poem was excellent. Keep writing.

I would like to see it extended since its so good but, the feeling of being lonely gets through nicely and the imagery is simply explicit. Thank-you for writing this, I apologize for not having much to say about this, unless you plan on extending it (which if u do please let me know) other than this I would leave this as it is, BRAVO!!!!