Empty Mind

May I sit here as I stare,
Embody pen and paper bare, as
Not a lonesome word escapes this
Shallow mind, this empty plate.
Vitriolic as it seems, my
Ample thoughts are now just steam,
Carelessly in the air, dispersing,
Underneath my breath's own cursing.
Unable to now end this rhyme, I
Shall complete it soon, in time.



Just something small that describe my feelings now. Why not write a poem about...writer's block??? I seriously took longer than expected for this. Especially the last two lines. Damned writer's block. Stupid, stupid, stupid writer's block.

Oh and it's also an acrostic...if you care at all

I love this poem. My favorite parts are when you said " Ample thoughts are now just steam"
And when you also wrote" Not a lonesome world escapes this shallow mind this empty plate". Now let me tell you I can really relate to this, I think all writers can. I am so going to Like this. And I am going to follow you.

Hey there, thanks for the review! Really appreciate it and glad you liked it.

May I sit here asand I stare, this revision is just a suggestion
Embody pen and paper bare, as
Not a lonesome word escapes this
Shallow mind, this empty plate.
Vitriolic as it seems, my I don't think the lines below seem harsh.. good word, iffy placement
Ample thoughts are now just steam,
Carelessly in air dispersing,
Underneath my breath's own cursing. niccceee
Unable to now end this rhyme, I
Shall complete it soon, in time.

You brought a really fresh way to convey the frustration of the big W.B., I really liked it. Kudos.

Oh, and *like*

Thanks KatTrain!
I'll try to find another word for the V, however I do kind of like it. Let's see what I can come up with.
glad you liked it!

Good! In the line "Not a lonesome word escapes this" I would suggest clarifying "This" but the poem is well written

Hello there.
So you were facing the terrible W.B when you wrote this? If yes, then it is a good way to get rid of it. Your imagery is great but it lacked rhythm and flow but I can understand it as you were in W.B. Now to the nitpicks. There are not many nitpicks but I would like to point out some.

May I sit here as I stare, There should be a "?" at the end of this line.
Embody pen and paper bare, as
Not a lonesome word escapes this
Shallow mind, this empty plate. You could use something other than empty plate to make it sound much more better.
Vitriolic as it seems, my Good one.
Ample thoughts are now just steam,
Carelessly in air dispersing, Carelessly in the air, dispersing
Underneath my breath's own cursing. Good imagery once again.
Unable to now end this rhyme, I
Shall complete it soon, in time.

Keep writing. (:

I just wrote a poem somewhat about writer's block as well. I was a bit concerned about the inconsistency of the rhyme scheme, but reading it a second time, I was impressed by the play of words (particularly how you inserted the rhyme). Perhaps there should be a punctuation between "escapes" and "this" just so people would realize that you were consistent with the form.

Not a lonesome word escapes, this -
shallow mind, this empty plate.

Other than some other mistakes on capitalization, I think technicalities aside, this was a good work. Keep it up!

Hey...
I really enjoyed this poem!!! The best poetry is often the ones we can relate to best, and I'm pretty sure almost every writer can relate to this poem. I found the poem witty, and ironical, because look at what you produced out of the very thing you suffered. hehe i suggest going back and looking at the poem once again, maybe extending it slightly, hopefully your block will be gone by then. hehe just slight nitpicks and ideas

danipower0204 wrote:May I sit here as I stare, should there have been a ? here???
Embody pen and paper bare, as
Not a lonesome word escapes this
Shallow mind, this empty plate.feel you being kinda hard on your self here,lol i suggest, "Now shallow mind, This once fully garnished plate
Vitriolic as it seems, my oooh i liked this one, you could've tried, "venomous, or rancorous" hehe
Ample thoughts are now just steam,
Carelessly in air dispersing,like the way you did these two lines, but I not sure if it entirely correct. try "carelessly up in the air dispersing
Underneath my breath's own cursing.lol i didn't really think about the next line wen i suggested the line above oopz hhm if you say what i said then you could have, "Frustration keeps me constantly cursing." hehe
Unable to now end this rhyme, I
Shall complete it soon, in time.LOVED this ending!!!! keep it but add on before it, It'll make the poem much more fun!" "Just like rosemary and thyme, mature with time,
I've now completed this rhyme." BUWAHAHAHAHAH!!! wait this ain't right...

Ha this poem made me laugh, but in a good way. Writing about writer's block is a very ironic topic, but the way you write it pulls off both the emotional part and the funny part. We have all had that problem on this website at one point or another in our writing careers. Good job with this piece. Keep writing.

I liked it. I can totally relate. I am going through writer's block myself right now and it is so fustrating! Anyway i thought this was cool. Keep writing.

Thanks for the comments and reviews! Will take everything into consideration! As for extending the poem, no can do, as it is an acrostic (first letter of every line downwards makes a phrase). But I would've if I could've!

Wow, you put something so complex into words and even made it rhym! I really liked it, well done

All of your acrostics are filled with extremely colorful words, and paint a picture in the readers mind. Whether it be a good picture or a bad picture, it gets the reader thinking. Wonderful job. I really enjoy reading your writing.

Thanks so much guys. It really means a lot to me. You're making me want to write again!