Grammatical Error?

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1022
Reviews 139
To you, my parents.

Mother dearest, do not put thy hand on me
and tell me to lay down.
Lay down and go to sleep.
Lay down and be meek.
Well, I refuse!
I am not the puppet you made,
not something to be gained, Mother.
With all my heart, no,
not that organ that pumps the vicious adrenaline
throughout my circulatory system,
but my figurative heart.
The one that carries my feelings and emotions.
The one that carries me.
With all of that heart,
I wish you could see that I'm not an it.
I be a me.
So close my eyes and tell me to lie.
I am not crafted anymore.
This puppet has cut her strings.
She will not do your bidding.
And fight for an object's right for life.

Father nearest, don't tell me to lay.
I am not an object to barter
I am not an object that you chartered.
I breathe and see,
but I forget that you can't see.
So I scream and scream
and break your knees.
Still, you curse the object you made,
never realizing that I can hear every word you say.
I am NOT okay!
I will lie here
because I am a person.
Not an object who lurks in
the back of your mind.
Still, you say it's fine
and don't worry, it can't be alive.
I'll work as you want and pray for the day
that my feelings come through.
Because it's not true.
When you say "lay,"
I dream for the day when it becomes "lie."

Spoiler
So basically, I'm telling my parents that I'm independent now. And I also wanna say that this could be my coming out letter. I've been fascinated with "lay" and "lie." You can see that well. So tell me what you think and I'll also be adding things to this later and how else I should fix it.
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1245
Reviews 142
I really like this poem, I really love the part when you said I Be Me. It was a daring letter of independence. I really liked it, I think that we all have to tell our parents we are grown now. But mine already know, I don't deal with that. But still, I liked it. I am going to press the like button.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 12
It's a beautiful poem. The whole being your own person. I feel you. I looked for imperfections and saw "I Be Me," I don't think that is proper, but leave it there. It's great. I feel it. Keep it up, okay? We need daring and talented writers like you.



We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer