Joy [Prologue]

Summer term, September 1st
8:00pm

I’m Amber. Amber Powers. My life isn’t the normal kind of life you know about. I’m the youngest out of my four sisters. Louisa is the eldest, but Cassie is the most responsible. Cassie is already a Mum to two-year-old Kieron, who in fact, now I mention it, is extremely good for his Mum. Me, not so much.

Anyway, Cassie is expecting a baby girl soon. She’s twenty-four weeks along, and I’m very excited for my third niece to come. I already have twin niece’s Katie and Bethanie, who belong to Louisa. That reminds me, Louisa’s getting married in December to this really friendly guy called John.

He already has a four-year-old little boy called Matthew and his work mates son is joining my school next term. I haven’t met him, but I can tell he’s going to be a nice boy. John has a good taste in friends, so I’m excited to see what this Taylor boy looks like. Only five more days until we return school. Wish me luck.

I’m Amber. Amber Powers. My life isn’t the normal kind of life you know about. ("the normal kind of life you know about". I think you should alter this sentence. Tweak it to make it sound better. This doesn't quite go.) I’m the youngest out of my four sisters. (You could remove the "out" in this sentence. It's just an extra word.) Louisa is the eldest, but Cassie is the most responsible. Cassie is already a Mum to two-year-old Kieron, who in fact, now I mention it, (You should make this, "now that I mention it") is extremely good for his Mum. Me, not so much.
Anyway, Cassie is expecting a baby girl soon. She’s twenty-four weeks along, and I’m very excited for my third niece to come. I already have twin niece’s Katie and Bethanie, who belong to Louisa.
That reminds me, (Maybe change to, "Which reminds me".) Louisa’s getting married in December to this really friendly guy called John. He already has a four-year-old little boy called Matthew(,) and his work mate(')s son is joining my school next term. I haven’t met him, but I can tell he’s going to be a nice boy. John has a good taste in friends, so I’m excited to see what this Taylor boy looks like. (If she thinks he's going to be a nice boy because John has good taste in friends, wouldn't she just be excited just to see [i]what[/i] he's like? Not what he looks like?) Only five more days until we return school. Wish me luck.

I’m Amber. Amber Powers.[This isn't all that great of a hook, or original, for that matter. The first sentence(s) of your story should be the most thought about, since it's what draws the reader in. Love her name, though. It makes me want to watch Austin Powers. xD] My life isn’t the normal kind of life you know about.[My life definitely isn't "normal", either. But what I'm used to is normal to me. I think you should describe to the reader what Amber's impression of a normal life is.] I’m the youngest out of my four sisters. Louisa is the eldest, but Cassie is the most responsible. [You've heard of "show, don't tell", right? Well, this applies very much to this. You could show how Cassie is the most responsible, even though she isn't the eldest.] Cassie is already a Mum to two-year-old Kieron, who in fact, now that I mention it, is extremely good for his Mum. Me, not so much.
Anyway, Cassie is expecting a baby girl soon. She’s twenty-four weeks along, and I’m very excited for my third niece to come. I already have twin niece’s Katie and Bethanie, who belong to Louisa.
That reminds me, Louisa’s getting married in December to this really friendly guy called John. [Again, show, don't tell.] He already has a four-year-old little boy called Matthew, and his work mate's son is joining my school next term. I haven’t met him, but I can tell he’s going to be a nice boy. John has a good taste in friends, [It's very obvious this boy is going to be the love interest. I think you should add a little more suspense when it comes to the romance.] so I’m excited to see what this Taylor boy looks[whaaaaaaa??????? If he's nice, why would she care what he looks like? Again, this little line right here makes it obvious this boy is going to be the love interest.] like. Only five more days until we return school. Wish me luck.