Keep Moving

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JRaye
Gender Female
Points 1101
Reviews 9
Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:22 pm
JRaye says... · Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:22 pm
Alright, i know this poem isn't the greatest ever written, but i consider it the first major poem i have ever wrote, i wrote it in 6th grade, and it won me first place in the 6th grade poetry contest, so it's my baby. Please help me make it better!



What's so hard about moving?
Through life, a race, a challenge?
You want to stop,
to mourn.
Keep moving, don't stop.
You're almost there.
Two of my loved ones are gone,
you don't see me crying
So keep your head up.
Keep moving.



Alright, i hope that wasn't too painful to read.
" I am a greaser. I am a JD and a hood. I blacken the name of our fair city. I beat up people. I rob gas stations. I am a menace to society. Man, do I have fun!" - Sodapop, The Outsiders
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lele253isme
Gender None specified
Points 1245
Reviews 142
Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:27 pm
lele253isme says... · Tue Mar 15, 2011 6:27 pm
It wasn't too painful to read but it was sad. I am not good on harsh reviews but it could do with more rhymes and more lines. I really like the rhythm in the words, its like a song in your head. And no wonder you won that contest in 6th grade I would have picked this one too.
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2 posts


Defeat has its lessons as well as victory.
— Pat Buchanan