Forbidden Love

(edited version) Hope you guys like it:)



Staring back at his pictures
Not being able to stop the pain
As it tears through my heart
I want to forget all the memories we had together.
I want to forget that this is a forbidden love with
consequences.
So I drink the pain away
One drop at a time
Burn the memories away
One scar at a time
I don't know if its normal
To miss him this much
I don't want him to see my pain
Drinking makes it easier
To be this far away from him.
Forget the memories
So I no longer have to remember the pain
But every time it cuts me deeper and deeper,
I want to be happy again without all the pain
But he made me feel this pain
And only he can stop me from hurting

Hello December. I am here for the review.

Staring back at his pictures not being able to stop the pain You break this into two lines from pictures onwards. That would sound better.
As it tears through my heart
I want to forget all the memories we had together.
I want to forget that this is a forbidden love with consequences. Too long. Try making it shorter.
So i just drink the pain away So I drink the pain away
One drop at a time
Burn the pain away Repetition. Avoid repeating words in such small interval.
One scar at a time
I don't know if it is normal to miss him this much if its normal
I just don't want him to see my pain I don't want him to see my pain
Drinking makes it easier It is the same thing as you mentioned before.
Easier to be this far away from him This would work a lot better without easier.
Easier to just forget the memories so I no longer have to remember the pain Break the line. And omit easier.
But every time it just cuts me deeper and deeper it cuts deeper and deeper
I want to just be happy again without all the pain I want to be happy again without all this pain.
But he made me feel this pain and only he can stop me from hurting Again this single line should two lines.

I see you have an affection with the word "just". xD And please edit this and add punctuation marks to it.
Keep writing.

hey there,
Quick comment. Very dramatic, I like it because this is something one can relate too. People tend to try and drink pain away, cut it away, cry it away. We all have our ways of dealing with pain and all occassionally lick at our wounds. Bravo!!
xxxUpilexxx

Hey,
To cut to the chase, you use the word pain way to much! It gets so boring and dull when you've heard the same word over and over again. Maybe look in a thesaurus to look for other words instead of pain. Also, if you are in need of a title, then I can help you there. These are the names I would use, anyway.
- Forbidden Love
- You Make Me Wanna Die
- Forever Enternity
- Hopeless Romance

I hope you like one of these and maybe choose one for your title, if you do, then please PM me just to notify me, I would be happy if you used one of these. Also, any other member of YWS can use one too, if they want.
Overall, I found it gripping. Maybe, to make it longer, you can add about what has ended her up like she is. Just making it longer will help alot more.
- bugbug368