all about me

ok tell me if this is in the catorgrey

hi my name is rob
and i live in malvern
i play the bass guitar, playstaion and all
and on monday to friday i go to the chase high school

give me the good and bad points so i can work on them

um, i'd expand creativity. the subject matter of this poem is very bland, the description dry and well...it's not exactly a poem, is it? i suggest, first, that you read some poetry - whether on this site or shakespeares or some modern paperback books. then you'll have an idea where to start from.

PS - i'm determined to get the Quezacotl card and have stuck myself in disk 2 (FFVIII)

Alright, I'm going to try and keep this short, because I know I have a tendancy to rant/ramble.

Poetry is, in its most basic concept - and with a few exceptions - about the exploration of ideas. That means that if you're going to really write poetry, you need an idea to explore.
This idea can be pretty much anything - it can be how beautiful the sun looked today; it can be how afraid you are of dying; it can be how special a certain person is to you; it can be how you're not sure about some aspect of your personality, but whatever it is, it needs to be a thought or thought-process you can unpack and/or explore. Even the simplest and shortest of poems is designed to make the reader think. What makes the poem stand out and be special is if it makes you see/think something in a new way.

I will be blunt with you - I can't give you the good points of this because there aren't any. All the techniques of poetry can come later - rhythm, punctuation, meter, rhyme, they can all wait until you have grasped the fundemental truth, which is this: you cannot simply put down any old trash such as "this is my name and who I am and what I do" and expect it to make good poetry, no matter how hard you try.

Put simply? Find something people care about to write about, and then we'll help you turn it into poetry. Get an idea, and then explore what that idea means.

It has no point. It looks like you just threw it together. Next time put FEELINGS in your poems.

..are you sure this is even supposed to be a poem or are you just introducing yourself to the site?

The title, subject matter and lack of poetic elements here suggest the latter--but this is the wrong section for that if it is the case.

Please let me know if this is true, and I will move this to the right section. Thanks.

I don't see how this is a poem, Zell.

Yeah... I think you got a little confused. This is a poetry section. If you want to introduce yourself, then go here: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewforum.php?f=1

Not to mention, there are several grammatial mistakes in your "poem." I'll fix them:


Hi, my name is Rob,
and I live in Malvern.
I play the bass guitar, Playstation and all(???)
and on Monday to Friday, I go to Chase High School.

Whoa, I think you did get confused, although I'm not sure you did.

You need to touch up on your grammar and stuff like capitals and stuff. This makes your work look more professional and kind of makes it easier for the reader to look at. Also, you need to sort out your flow, structure and infact, I think you should just put this aside completely.

You have a nice idea, you just haven't written it like it should, to do it justice.

Ginge

:]

Okay, here it is. I was really short and I don't really know much about you with the descriptions you gave. I think that you should write more. And if it is going to stay short, put more descriptive words in the said sentences. I like it though, as far as names and titles go.

Hello zell,
I think you need to use more disciption in this poem. Also you need to be a bit more creative. Anyway, keep writing!

Oh boy. Im not sure if this is a fail or what, but it is actually kind of funny. First off, you didn't even capatalize. I mean, this is a writing forum, you have to at least capatalize, if anything. You had no punctuation at all, which is another bad point. Im not even going to go into the poem, because, well, its terrible.

Let's be polite, here. 'Kay?

Well I like that you tried to introduce yourself using the medium of poetry.
*claps*

But it needs a little personal touch. Make us WANT to know you, if that is the case
let it flow- don't just tell it like it is.
I'll do grammar later, as reveiwing from a mobile device is tedious, but do not be dis-heartened.
And write what you love.

There is no such thing as a final copy.
Just a really good rough draft.

Keep writing!
---------------------
-Jojo

Oh boy, this was a thread bump too...