She's Such a Drama Queen Chapter 7

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Chapter 7


I arrived at Vanessa's doorstep feeling nervous. I didn't know what she had in mind for today's meeting and it scared me. With good reason, any time Vanessa wanted to plan something she was bound to go overboard.

I could still remember the day when Vanessa decided to plan an eighteenth surprise party for her older brother, who is away at college right now. She booked a huge hotel room and decorated the room with glittery banners. It was a work of art- mind you- but as soon as the party started, the glitter started peeling off. We all spent a week trying to wash the glitter out of our hair.

The door burst open after my second ring and a grinning Vanessa looked down on me wearing a simple cardigan and her fringe in a quiff. "Well you're early," she observed glancing around me as a group of our classmates walked by, they shouted out hello to her and she waved back, before stepping back to let me through.

I shrugged, "I wanted to get this over with."

"To get this over with," repeated Vanessa with a snort and shut the door, "Look at you acting all scared and whatnot. Get in; you're lucky my brother's girlfriend is staying in town this weekend, I was lucky enough to book her for today."

"Book her?" I asked raising an eyebrow and taking off my shoes, "Book her for what exactly?"

"To give you a haircut, duh," said Vanessa sweetly.

A hairdresser? I thought that I would have at least one more week to say goodbye to my old long hair. As I followed her up the stairs, I heard the sound of voices from the kitchen and clinking of pottery, a strong smell of chicken wafted around the house making my stomach groan. I hadn't been able to eat anything when I got here, my parents weren't home and the only food we had was the leftover lasagne from the store.

She opened her bedroom door and waited for me to get in. A stack of open magazines lay on her bed each of them showing a page of a model with good hair. As I walked in and sat down on her bed I caught sight of Derrick sitting on the windowsill and texting off his phone. He glanced up briefly to give me a small grin.

I looked around the room fearfully- a couple of her jeans and tops were hanging on her wardrobe, a huge pile of makeup lay on her usually cluttered desk. A large mirror was set up opposite me.

"Ok well I was doing some research," said Vanessa closing the door behind her, "And I think we should cut your hair in layers, your hair looks really dull and flat. Adele thinks that getting it in layers would add some body and all that jazz."

"Thanks," I muttered, the beep of Derrick's phone was distracting.

"You have clear skin," continued Vanessa looking at me through thoughtful eyes, "So luckily we won't need to use a lot of foundation or anything like that, but you still need a bit of colour. I am actually sorry to say that your wardrobe is a disaster, which is why I'm lending you one of my outfits for the audition and then we probably should go shopping after the audition to get you your clothes."

"Great," I murmured looking at one of the magazines; it was Miley Cyrus with her hair looking perfect and curly.

Derrick snorted from the window, "Is there anything else you need to criticize? I'm sure you're raising her self esteem."

I smiled at him gratefully; he didn't even look up from his phone to return it.

"Trust me, she'll be confident after tonight," said Vanessa smiling sweetly rolling out a swivel chair and gestured for me to sit down. I did as she asked and waited as she ran down to call the hairdresser.

"Personally I think this is ridiculous," said Derrick, "I'm surprised you're not doing anything against it."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," I quoted swivelling the chair around in a circle, looking at myself in the mirror as I twisted past it. My dull face stared right back at me. I didn't look glamorous like Vanessa or even April and it sometimes frustrated me.

Sure life isn't all about looks- that was what my old motto used to be but now- I just needed to make the most of my teenage life, sitting around at home and doing nothing wasn't a way to do it. I didn't really have a bad fashion taste- I just liked things simple. I still wanted things to be simple just like they were before we went to secondary school- when my mum used to brush my hair and tell me I was beautiful, the days when Avril called herself Kate and played Barbie, the days when Vanessa, Derrick and I used to be inseparable. Both of them had changed dramatically since those days- now Vanessa would never be caught dead without make up and Derrick would have a girlfriend nearly every weekend.

Even though the three of us were still best friends, we were all turning out to be different. Derrick became a popular bass player and Vanessa became glamorous. On the days when we didn't hang out- Vanessa would be out hanging out with other cooler people and Derrick would be practising or getting up to shit with his band mates. I just stayed home and watched T.V. or even sang when I thought that nobody was around. I had to face it- both of them had changed and were always going to change but I had kept myself the same for too long. It was time I moved on too.

"Desperate," snorted Derrick and jumped down from the windowsill, he came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. We both looked in the mirror, black and brunette hair, tanned and pale skin, blue eyes and brown eyes. We were both completely different but I would never think of separating from him- he was like a brother that I never had. "The speech you gave was pretty inspirational," I tensed at his words and he squeezed my shoulders reassuringly, a strong scent of Lynx aftershave floated around me, "I thought you were comfortable being yourself. If you think that you have to change yourself just to impress that guy, do you ever think that maybe he just isn't worth it?"

"It's easy for you to say," I snorted feeling myself relax just a little bit, "You never had an issue finding somebody. Hell you even have someone now."

"It doesn't mean anything," replied Derrick, his phone beeped again but he ignored me still looking at me with such intensity that I felt like he seeing right through me, right into my soul, it sounded so cheesy but so true, "she doesn't mean anything to me."

"That's so bad."

"But it's honest," shrugged Derrick and put his arms around me, resting his chin at the top of my head, "I'm really protective of you; I don't want you doing something that'll hurt you. I’m a guy and seriously- I know how cruel guys can be. Especially guys like Erik."

I always felt comfortable in his arms; they were always so firm and protective. There were days when I needed comfort and he'll be there for me, be it a lie in to watch a movie and lie in his arms he'll always come over. It meant nothing though; He was the only guy I ever felt comfortable around.

"That's cute," I smiled reaching out to touch his smooth cheek, "But no worries, ok? Just because I don't have a brother to protect me doesn't mean you have to get all freaky on me now."

"Brotherly?" he asked me raising an eyebrow, "I thought we were settled on calling me dad?"

I grinned, "Not tonight pal. Not tonight.”

Derrick sighed dramatically, released me and turned back to sit on the windowsill, "Right," he said then one side of his lips pulled up into a grin.

I opened my mouth to say something but then Vanessa walked in with a young blonde woman. "Here she is," she thrilled pointing at me.

I assumed this was Adele the hairdresser by the belt of combs, scissors and a small hairdryer on her waist. She looked delicate with elfin facial features framed by a cute pixie cut and red lipstick. She was wearing skinny jeans and a cardigan. She gave me a huge smile and looked at me critically, "You're right," she said in a soft voice, she had distinct country accent- I guessed Mayo or somewhere around that area, "We do need a lot of layers and probably highlights to add depth."

"No," said Derrick from the windowsill and smiled at them, Vanessa glared at him, "I don't think you should change her hair colour. It might not suit her."

Adele thought about it then nodded in agreement, "Yeah you're right. We wouldn't want to mess it up for tomorrow."

Vanessa pondered it for a second then shot Derrick a grateful look, which he ignored.

"Ok," said Adele and pulled out a hairbrush. I let them mess up my hair, feeling the plastic cover being wrapped around my neck and the cold drops of water dripping down my neck. She worked for what seemed like hours cutting off parts of my hair and chopping my fringe, I looked at the locks of my hair on the floor regretfully. Then it took her another while to blow dry my hair.

I gazed at the end result. My hair looked shinier and hung just past my shoulder in long layers, a long side fringe covered my left eye. I smiled at their handiwork, "It looks nice."

Vanessa grinned widely, "You see, all it takes is one small little haircut to change a face."

Adele grinned, "You look pretty," she told me and walked over to the table filled with makeup and pulled out some foundation. She dabbed it on her hands and spread it all over my face, massaging it in and blending it in. She grabbed a powder brush and worked it through my face, dabbing it in bronzer and applying it to my cheekbones. I glanced at myself in the mirror watching as parts of the old me vanished behind a mask of makeup.

They brought out my eyes with gold eye shadow and black eyeliner. I came home feeling fake and different.

The next morning I came over to Vanessa's house so she could put the finishing touches on my makeup and curl my hair. I could've done it all myself but I didn't want to mess it up and she insisted.

When I looked in the mirror before we left I looked like someone that came out from the magazine, my skin was a nice dark tint with a bronze blush on my cheekbones. My hair curled around my face, shining in the sunlight with different colours I didn't know I even had- there were strands of gold and dark brown. My brown eyes stood out with black eyeliner and a load of mascara and brown eye shadow. I was wearing skinny jeans that fitted me just right, making me seem curvier then I thought I was. The checked shirt was red and green; it matched the bow in my hair perfectly. I traded my usual runners for red dolly shoes and my usual frown for a smile.

"You look gorgeous," she had thrilled twirling me around in front of the mirror before grabbing my arm and pulling me downstairs to show her parents.

My parents barely noticed anything. My parents didn't even wish me luck.

We walked to the theatre after taking the DART to town. Vanessa was chattering happily about something that happened in school but I barely paid attention, dreading the audition. The pleasant March morning provided us with sunlight streaming down our path making all the bricks on the buildings around us red and sparkling. The Dublin streets were filled with people going to work or going out shopping. Cars drove past us, beeping and swerving through jay walking pedestrians. I loved Dublin City and always felt at home around here- compared to my quiet suburbs. It was chaotic and beautiful, here nobody knew me- I could walk around being who I am and nobody would bother slagging me about it.

I tried not to think about the fact that half an hour from now I'd be standing in front of an audience singing and performing a scene I probably wouldn't be able to act out. It was going to be awkward.

"How far do we have?" I asked her as we crossed yet another busy road.

Vanessa looked around her thoughtfully then smiled and pointed right ahead at a huge old theatre with stone columns and double wooden doors. Opposite it was a small park covered by metal gates and enormous oak trees.

"You're going to be deadly," she thrilled and took me by the arm.

I let her drag me to the theatre, my head spinning with the pressure. What if I fall? I thought over and over again, what if I suddenly get sick on the audience? What if I mess up my lines or sing out of tune? What if my voice would disappear and I'll mess everything up? Those thoughts flew around in my head, butterflies swirling around my stomach like hyper kids, getting fiercer and fiercer with each step we took. My heart thudded furiously in my chest, I felt like any minute it would jump out of my mouth. I bit my tongue as we walked through the reception area towards a long corridor leading to one wooden door- I could already hear the voices of the audience, a loud song starting to play and a female voice beginning to sing. My mouth turned dry and I felt my eyes widening with the pressure.

"Vanessa, I can't do it!" I hissed, trying to pull away.

"Shush," said Vanessa, pulling me onwards, "We came this far! You can't back out now!"

"I'll mess up!"

"No you won't," insisted Vanessa and took both my hands in hers, she fixed me with a long reassuring look, "You'll do fine! Look I heard you sing and you were brilliant! I've picked out a scene for you that I know you'll do pretty well. You're going to be brilliant!"

"But how can you know? You were just working from theory. We were never working in front of an audience. I'm going to freak out!"

"Do you want to get in or not?"

I thought about it, well it wouldn't hurt not to, "I don't think I'd mind if I didn't get in."

"Then what do you have to lose?" said Vanessa and grinned, "You're going to be fine."

"You're going to be brilliant," said a voice behind us and both of us whipped around to see Derrick.

He grinned at both of us and looked me up and down, his eyes widening momentarily before he fixed me with the usual smile, "We're going to be there with you," he said, "So don't be scared."

I nodded slowly, biting my lip, for once I felt like a small little kid about to go to a new school. I hated feeling nervous- in my life time I had tried to avoid this, and people let me avoid it but now- for once- I had no say in what was going to happen. I shook my head and closed my eyes in denial hoping to get out of this. But then I felt a soft hand take my hand in his and gently pull me towards the door.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into Derrick's reassuring blue eyes, he tangled both our hands together-warmth flooded through me at his touch and he smiled, "Come on, Miche," he whispered using my old childhood nickname, "This is going to be fun."

I nodded slowly, "Thanks," I murmured back, feeling like I was ten again and Derrick was trying to get me to go swimming with him in the sea. He had grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the water- I remembered being terrified and hesitant but he had whispered reassuringly to me, trying to distract me with his eyes until we were knee-deep in water. It worked. I had fallen in love with the sea after that day.

Just like when I was ten, he distracted me long enough for me to walk right through the door into my fate. The last thing I heard before the door swung shut was him whispering in my ear, "That wasn't so hard now was it?"
Last edited by Al3xx on Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"We love the ones that ignore us
But ignore the ones that love us"

Alexx




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Hey,
Here I am finally. I'm sorry it took me so long. Thanks for the reviews.
This is the first I've read of your novel, so I'm a bit lost, but I think I've got a hazy idea of what's going on.
The plot within the chapter moved along nicely. It was rather interesting. You've got a good idea here.
Now, with the constructive criticism.

I arrived at Vanessa's doorstep feeling nervous.
When you have a verb with -ing inside your sentence but it's not actually what your chacter is doing, it's an adjective.
Like, I is your subject here. Arrived is your verb. Feeling would be an adjective.
Basically, you need a comma before feeling. I just caught this one and didn't really notice any others but keep it in mind when your editing.


I could still remember the day when Vanessa decided to plan an eighteenth surprise party for her older brother- who was away at college right now- she had book a huge hotel room and decorated the room with glittery banners.
You had a huge problem with run-ons. I think they were caused by your hyphen usage. You could get rid of the hyphens here, put a comma where the first one is and a period where the second one is. Then your problem would be fixed.
I'm going to let you find the rest. You have a run-on if you have two verb or two subjects or two of both.


I shrugged, "I wanted to get this over with."
Want not wanted

A stack of open magazines lay on her bed each of them showing a page of a model with good hair.
Comma before each.

"Thanks," I muttered, the beep of Derrick's phone was distracting.
Here's an obvious run-on. You have to have a period/semicolon where the second comma is, or switch the wording around so you're describing without the use of a second independant clause. There are others. I'll let you find them

the days when Avril called herself Kate and played Barbie
Do you mean April?

Derrick would have a girlfriend nearly every weekend.
I think there should be new in front of girlfriend.

I've hurt a lot of girls and seriously- I know how cruel guys can be. Especially guys like Erik."
You're making Derrick sound like Erik here, and I'm not sure that's what you meant to do.

There were days when I needed comfort and he'll be there for me, be it a lie into watch a movie and lie in his arms he'll always come over.
This sentence is confusing in all kinds of ways.
The tense changes this sentence. He'll needs to be he'd.
The underlined part is a typo, I'm assuming. I really have no idea what you were trying to say.


It meant nothing though, He was the only guy I ever felt comfortable around.
Do you mean it wasn't a "real" relationship?

"Brotherly?" he asked me raising an eyebrow, "Would you honestly call this brotherly?"
Derrick sighed, released me and turned back to sit on the windowsill, "Right," he murmured.
This is a very glaring foreshadowing of what will come. You can keep it, but now it's kind of obvious who your MC is going to be with in the end. Unless your going to pull a big twist out of your author hat and then please continue with what you're doing.

she thrilled pointing at me.
You use thrilled three times in this chapter, and you use it wrong. Can you thrill a word?

I guessed Mayo or somewhere around that area
Not being Irish, I have no idea where that is. Really, what that means, is that your reader should take the initiative to look it up. You also use phrases and words that may be slang in your country that I don't know what they were saying.

Adele grinned, "You look pretty,"
Period where the first comma is.

at what looked like a huge old theater with stone columns and double wooden doors.
If it looked like an old theater, isn't it an old theater, since this is the place she's going to audition.

I thought about it, well it wouldn't hurt not to, "I don't think I'd mind if I didn't get in."
Just because dialouge comes before or after a sentence does not mean a comma needs to come with it. Only use a comma when you have said or exclaimed or laughed, etc, etc.

his eyes widening momentarily before he fixed me with the usual smile,
He saw her whole transformation already. He watched Adele cut her hair and put the makeup on.

But then I felt a soft hand take my hand in his and gently pull me towards the door.
You repeat hand here, and it's a bit awkward. We can figure out it's Derrick, so you don't have to say "in his."
Try something along the lines of "I felt a soft hand take mine and was gently pulled towards the door."
I is the subject not hand though you could argue the use here.



You have a great idea, and good characters. Mainly, you need to watch out for grammar. Here's a website for punctuation. Hope it helps.
Thanks for the request. I'll read the rest if you ask.
Megsug
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Hey :D
Thanks for the revieww :D :D
Shit yeah- I might need to change that part- don't want to make it sound predictable :L
Thanks for the advice :D :D
legend :P
"We love the ones that ignore us
But ignore the ones that love us"

Alexx



I don't care what the miserable excuse is for showing the death of books, live, on screen. Men, I could understand; but books! -
— Edwin Morgan, From the Video Box 2