The real you

You're always wearing a mask
Afraid to show the world
Who you really are

You never stop acting
Never stop hiding
Your emotions

You always smile
And you always laugh
Just to cover your fears

But deep inside
You're crying
You're feeling lonely

Take of your mask
Just for one minute
So I can see you
The real you...

great work darling! Just have a look at some of my corrections in red and tell me what you think.

You're always wearing a mask
afraid to show the world Afraid
who you really are Who

You never stop acting
never stop hiding Never
your emotions Your

You always smile
and you always laugh And
just to cover your fears Just

But deep inside
you're crying You're
you're feeling lonely You're

Take of your mask
just for one minute Just
so I can see you So
the real you... The

Is this like a non grammatical piece of poetry?

Good work though

I really loved it... It's awesome... We all wear masks, just to cover our true emotions...
I really loved your piece.

Awesome poem!

The others gave the corrections already, so I hope you'll consider them. This poem will be a good one, just a little tweaking on the typos/ mistakes. You can do it! *thumbs-up*

love,
CS

qaralynn wrote:You're always wearing a mask
Afraid to show the world Cliched. Try to say this in a more original way.
Who you really are

You never stop acting
Never stop hiding
Your emotions

You always smile Too much like the last stanza.
And you always laugh
Just to cover your fears Bit long.

But deep inside
You're crying
You're feeling lonely Kind of bland.

Take of your mask Do you mean "off?"
Just for one minute Too informal
So I can see you
The real you... Not sure I like the ellipsis.

Keep writing!

-Kafka

Since the others already took care of the crits I would make, Ill just give some opinions. The rythm is a little weird in this poem. Its a little hard to read it because of this. Also, you made odd line breaks. Some things could have been combined but instead, it stopped the flow.

It was good overall, but there is lots of room for improvement.

I like this. It suits its title, and brings across a strong story. I can relate to that a lot. I mean, in a way. I'm not behind a mask or anything... im suffering a lot at the moment and I'm putting on an act for my family so they won't know how much it really is eating at me.

The poem was short, had a bit of a weird flow. There is only two mistakes that stood out to me. Firstly you didn't capitalize every line. I guess thats not needed, but it is just how I like it.

Secondly here:

qaralynn wrote:Take of your mask
Just for one minute
So I can see you
The real you...

I think you mean take off your mask. Apart from that, lovely poem.

Deanie x

Hi there!

My comments are in red below.

qaralynn wrote:You're always wearing a mask
Afraid to show the world
Who you really are Nice start.

You never stop acting
Never stop hiding
Your emotions I know so many people who are like this. They make me mad. Anyway, reading on...

You always smile
And you always laugh Good repetition here.
Just to cover your fears

But deep inside
You're crying Insert dash here.
You're feeling lonely

Take off your mask
Just for one minute
So I can see you
The real you...

I really liked this poem! Like I said earlier, I really don't like people who pretend to be something/somebody they're not. This poem was written well and had a great message in it. It flowed really well and I didn't find any grammer or spelling ierrors (well, except for one spelling error).

Overall this is a good poem. Keep writing!