Endurance

Hi! I hope you like the poem, pleaaaasssseee critique!! I'm not sure if the transitions in this poem are as smooth as they should be.


Shadowed corners
Crumbled doorways
My mind never seems to change

Fear steals the feeling from my fingers
The warmth from my cheeks
I am lost in him
Crippled by his strength
Night oozes through my veins
Dank air crawls on my skin
I am so afraid

I limp into myself hiding before fear can find me again
I am so afraid
In that dark
Dusty corner
I find a match
Old and unused
Maybe it can give me warmth
The strike is the only sound in the room
The flame the only light

Suddenly a wave
A torrent of warmth
Washes through me and my rooms
Fear stands frozen at first
But soon begins to struggle
Fear is strong
But courage has a will
That is unmatchable

You’re late
I halfheartedly accuse as fear is swept out the door
I feel heat return back to my cheeks and neck
I find that I now have the strength to stand
I’m here now
Courage grins proudly

A windswept and dirt stricken hope
Lopes into the room
What did I miss?

I liked the story you told here, but I feel like the timing and rhyming was a bit off. Who knows? Maybe I was reading it wrong. Overall, I think you did a great job! Keep writing! :)

I love this poem, to me it is more of a story than a poem.. I think that you should add more feeling and emotion to this poem, it has good feeling but on a lower level than the poem seems to require, or the topic. Am I making sense?
Anyway, this is my favorite part!!!

Suddenly a wave
A torrent of warmth
Washes through me and my rooms
Fear stands frozen at first
But soon begins to struggle
Fear is strong
But courage has a will
That is unmatchable

It is a nice, really really nice, poem I think you should keep writing!!!!

I limp into myself hiding before fear can find me againI am so afraidIn that darkDusty cornerI find a matchOld and unusedMaybe it can give me warmthThe strike is the only sound in the roomThe flame the only light
This is good, I like this stanza. I don't really read t

OK, hi Andie. Just FYI this is the reveiw you won from my contest. So, hopefully it's helpful. Um, well, I'm not sure I completely understand the topic of the poem. Is it about being scared? Lost? Hopeless? Something else entierly? Just not sure. Might want to clarify that. The way you wrote it was beautiful with the short, to-the-point stanzas that were at the same time creative and informative. So, great job. In the second to last stanza I like how you start it off with "You're late." To let the reader know there is more and it is a good hook. From sadness to courage is a nice way to end the poem as well So, I don't have any specific critiques. Hopefully this was somewhat helpful to you. Bye!
-Cammie