Young Writers Society


Regina and the Seven Giants - Chapter 1

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I could say that my life has been uneventful, but that would be untrue. On the contrary, it’s been exciting (or at least interesting) since I was born.

Mother always wanted a daughter. Specifically one with hair as black as ebony (a dark type of wood), lips as red as blood, and skin as white as snow. Her dreams came true when I was born. Yes, that is my complexion exactly. Mother named me Regina, which she considered “the loveliest name in the whole world.” I should also mention now that she spoiled me.

Daddy wanted a son, and so he was not as excited as Mother. However, he found me so charming and lovely that his heart was soon won. At least that is what Mother claims. He always denies it. I agree with Mother because Daddy spoiled me just as much as Mother and he always found time to play with me.

We were a happy little family, Mother, Daddy, and I. We did everything together. Daddy and Mother were my playmates. Some families of our acquaintances hired nannies to care for their children, but Mother and Daddy took care of me, and Mother was my teacher. I was perfectly happy. And my life really was rather uneventful- until I turned five that is. Then adventures and mishaps surrounded me and became a part of my daily life. I remember the first incident distinctively.

It was the summer of my fifth year of life. The three of us were at Ronizo Beach, preparing to swim. This was a daily routine for us. Lyra (the country where we lived) is very hot in the summer; so swimming helped cool us off. I loved splashing around in the creamy waves. Lake Ronizo was not like most lakes. It had blue, blue water and sometimes the waves had little white caps. It was a perfect place to go on a hot summer day.

This particular day stands out because of a little crab (Lake Ronizo has many crabs). On that particular day, King Robert and Queen Lucy brought their children, Prince David and Prince Micah to go swimming. Prince David was seven and the crown prince. Prince Micah was two. I’d seen the king and queen before, but I had never seen the princes. Mother pointed them out to me.

I thought Prince David was rather handsome, with blue eyes and blonde hair. I was a strong-minded little girl (I still am, but now I use my head), and I decided to introduce myself. This decided I marched over to the royal family.

“Hi, I’m Gina.” I dropped a wobbly curtsy and flashed a smile. Rolling around in my five-year-old mind was if he is going to be king, maybe I can be friends with him and he’ll tell Mother and Father to buy me a dog. You see that was one pleasure I was denied. Mother was allergic and this kept me from my beloved puppy. Of course I had dozens of imaginary dogs, but it wasn’t the same as the real thing. Anyway, it couldn’t hurt to try, and a prince would make a wonderful friend. Nobody would tell us we couldn’t do something (at least that’s what I thought).

Prince David stared at me in horror,

“A crab! Oh, Mother, help! There’s a crab on her head.”

Then Prince Micah joined in.

“A drab! A drab!”

You guessed it. I had a crab sitting on my head. Both boys were frightened out of their wits. I found the situation rather amusing. However, I realized that it wouldn’t help us become friends if I laughed. Being the plucky girl I was, I reached up and threw it off.

“Don’t worry, it’s gone,” I said, trying to calm the princes. It worked and soon we were busy building a sand castle or “a home for the wee drabs” as Prince Micah put it.

By this time, Mother and Father had come over and were apologizing. Queen Lucy just laughed.

“Your Gina is charming. We must get together sometimes. The boys are quite taken with her.” And that was the beginning of my friendship with Prince David and Prince Micah when we were seven, five, and two, respectively.

I must confess now that the princes were often involved in my adventures, and mishaps were often thrust upon them because of my strong-mindedness. Prince David was very clever at coming up with schemes and poor Prince Micah was often the victim of our pranks.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. ~Mark Twain




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So far, I believe this is quite nice. Keep writing, this could go far. :) It is well written, might I add.
“There is a tide in the affairs of men, Which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures.”- William Shakespeare




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Bekah! This is so good :)
I can't wait to read the rest of it! It's very well written and even though it's written in a formal way, it seems free and nice. I love the little girl. She seems so much like me! Lol only, if there was a crab on my head, I probably would have screamed and THEN threw it pahahahahaha.
I thought it was also funny when the little princes were freaking out about the crab and Regina was just like "... meh." pahahaha did she PUT the crab on her head? lol
If there's a 50/50 chance of getting something wrong go for it anyway because there is also a 50/50 chance of getting it right

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. ~Edgar Allen Poe




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So... I can't believe I haven't reviewed this yet. XP But I did PM you about it, so, I guess that's okay...
But since you already know my thoughts on it, I guess I'll tell you to update. XD Updaaate, please. :)
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss




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Hey there! I saw chapter two was lacking in reviews, so I decided to check out chapter one and go from there. :D

H'okay, so first off I think this story has good potential, and knowing that it's Christian fiction has gotten me all excited. I love reading fairytales that have been redone, so I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this!

Something that I noticed with your storytelling is that Gina has a somewhat formal and yet also young tone. What I mean by that is Gina states things very simply and tends to tell the reader just what's happened without any embellishment, and yet has a rather higher vocabulary and different sentence structure. Take this sentence:
I must confess now that the princes were often involved in my adventures, and mishaps were often thrust upon them because of my strong-mindedness.

The use of words like "confess," "mishaps," and "strong-mindedness" all sound like something from a Jane Austen-type novel. And yet Gina also tells things so...plainly, that it feels like a little girl is relating something that's happened to her. I really hope this is making sense; basically, I feel like her voice is inconsistently changing throughout the chapter.

Another big issue is the info-dumping; she's telling all of this background on herself and her family, and it leaves little for the reader to infer on his or her own. I'm sure there are ways that you can incorporate the fact that her father spoiled her and that her early life was uneventful. When you just tell the reader all of this info, it takes out the excitement of discovering things on our own. Plus, it makes for a passive sound to the story. If you were listening to a history lecture or a historical fiction novel, which one would grab your attention and hold it? Most likely the novel, where the formatting is in a story form, where you get to know the characters and their background slowly, instead of having the facts laid out for you.

As for the meeting on the beach, I love the way Gina handles herself around the boys. Go girl! However, the queen and the two princes are just out on the beach with no guards or anything? And Gina's family is allowed to approach royalty? What kind of standing are they at; are they paupers? Nobility?

The dialogue from the queen sounds pretty modernized, too.
“Your Gina is charming. We must get together sometimes. The boys are quite taken with her.”

This is totally something I hear moms nowadays saying to other moms. And it feels out of place with the setting that I'm assuming. For a queen, I'd expect a little more grandiosity in her speech, something like, "I would like to continue our acquaintance; my sons seem quite taken with her."

One more thing I'd like to mention -- the setting and time period of this piece. I don't get a really good idea of when this is supposed to be taking place. Medieval England? A fantasy land? Modern day times? Getting an image of the space and time which this is in would be fantastic.

All right, so that's all I've got to say! Off to the next chapter! :]
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle



"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh