Upon Angel Wings

My hand reaches for his neck
and suddenly,
I am but a child again crying over a lost toy,
telling him to stop being mean
and won't he PLEASE give it back to me?

My voice wavers and I allow it to pass.
The voices of my friends call after him
as I start to whimper and cry.
Wipe my eyes and keep my head up high
as the images rush through my mind.
Burning, whirling in the ash
while humming as the sound of their screams get louder and louder.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine~

I stare in horror as my hands grow smaller,
back to clinging to Daddy's pants before melting into the background.
I want to be alone.
Papa. Papa!
I am too weak, Papa, stand up for me!

You make me happy when skies are gray~

I see myself huddled under the table, just like elementary days.
No one to talk to
No one to help
Alone, the weird one is always alone.
They isolate me and they hurt me.
But they defend me?
Why?
No one should have to.
I close my ears to the insults, to the hate.

You'll never know dear how much I love you~

I allow a few tears to fall
A kid, I'm just a kid.
Too weak to do anything.

I hit my head as I stand up from the table.
My face is calm.
I don't need to worry anybody.
"Asshole, give me back that chair," I march over, growing up immediately.
I lock that child up
and let myself grow ten times as tall.

Please don't take my sunshine away~

My apologies if it sucks. It's a quick write about how I felt today and what I wished I could of done.

Hey there, paperback!

This'll be a really quick review just to give you a first impression of the piece and one or two pointers! Well, it took two reads to get a first impression, and that's a bit odd with me. You have a fantastic gimmick you're using here with the You Are My Sunshine lyrics playing throughout, but I think you could've used it a bit better.

A lot of your imagery gave me whiplash, but that's to be expected, as this poem feels rather panicky--and that gives it a more unique feel. Anyway, that brings me to my first pointer: smooth out your flow. As it stands now, your piece is a tad bit clunky and jagged, and I think you have the talent to make this silky. Try it out and play with your words; I'm sure you'll get something.

My second tip is not to rush your ideas. From the feel of this, you run out of breath before you can get the whole thing out, and that bothers me on a couple of levels; I want to read and feel what you have to say, but that'll be pretty dang tough if it wears me out just reading it!

Other than that, try to experiment with using italics and other emphatic formatting tools instead of CAPITALIZING for emphasis. You'll look more professional; I promise.

Let me know if you need anything!

-Lumi

P.S. I put a content rating on the poem for the swear you used.

This is really good. You really understand how to "show" the pictures so we can all see them!
I really like the flashbacks, and those single lines between the stanzas. Like it's a song where it's playing in the background, I really like that.
- It's a very good poem, and the flow is there.