When The Tables Are Turned

Untangling the strings
of a mangled past.
Opening new doors
as we look through the glass.

You can see the fire
as it pops and crackles.
And a shine that shimmers
through shattered shackles.

Now peep through the keyhole,
for you're still only learning.
And see the atrocities
that made MY world stop turning.

Walk where I've walked,
See what I've seen,
Feel what I've felt,
In this beautiful tragedy.

I really like this piece of poetry and it moved me. This seems like a really powerful piece of work but I'm not so sure about the last line. Perhaps you could make it a couplet to improve the overall sound of it?

Another thing I really like is the rhyme scheme. Other than that, the poem seems really good

this is a great piece of poetry, i love the rhyme scheme and the impression it leaves on the reader is very moving and unforgettable

I like this! Good job I agree that the last line should be changed, or added to. Oh, and I think you should take off the "and" from the title.

This is really good(:
I like the rhyming scheme in this one a lot... it adds to it.
I agree about the last line being changed, but i don't know what would fit it better than what you have now...
-thinks deeply-
But this is really good, Love(:

Oh glad you changed the last bit It sounds better now. You're a great poet! Keep it up

MY GOSH! I just read your other piece (that was so cute!) and now hear I am writing this by coincidence. I really, really like the titles, that's what caught my attention in the first place. Nice rhyming flow, great job on that. I also really like the first stanza. That's my favorite. So your a WAY better poet than I will ever be, and I'm totally jealous of you. So great job writing.

I like it. How did you come up with it? Out of the blue? I write my best poems at night.

Well, this one has a lot of meaning to it... I'll explain it stanza by stanza.


Untangling the strings
of a mangled past.
Opening new doors
as we look through the glass.
This is walking the listener through a process of experiencing my past. You can feel it's confusion, and you can see it, but you will never be able to live it.


You can see the fire
as it pops and crackles.
And a shine that shimmers
through shattered shackles.
My past was hell. But you can see from who I am today, that I am no longer a slave to my past.

Now peep through the keyhole,
for you're still only learning.
And see the atrocities
that made MY world stop turning.
Again, seeing what made my life hell. Getting a small glimpse of things, because you'll never truly understand the full history.

Walk where I've walked,
See what I've seen,
Feel what I've felt,
In this beautiful tragedy.
This is kinda self explanatory, it's saying to take my experiences with you and learn from them.

Hi Matt, I'm going to review this by you, and since you took the time to explain each stanza, I'll happily use that with my review. Enjoy~

MattLangg wrote:Well, this one has a lot of meaning to it... I'll explain it stanza by stanza.


Untangling the strings
of a mangled past.
Opening new doors
as we look through the glass.
This is walking the listener through a process of experiencing my past. You can feel it's confusion, and you can see it, but you will never be able to live it.


You can see the fire
as it pops and crackles.
And a shine that shimmers
through shattered shackles.
My past was hell. But you can see from who I am today, that I am no longer a slave to my past.

Now peep through the keyhole,
for you're still only learning.
And see the atrocities
that made MY world stop turning.
Again, seeing what made my life hell. Getting a small glimpse of things, because you'll never truly understand the full history.

Walk where I've walked,
See what I've seen,
Feel what I've felt,
In this beautiful tragedy.
This is kinda self explanatory, it's saying to take my experiences with you and learn from them.

Now, these summaries, they're your problem. Granted, the poem itself is "fine" as your personal expression, but that you can so easily summarize it, makes it "meh" to me. I got those impressions reading the stanzas alone, but if you can summarize the work, then why not just type those lines?

You need to branch out more, challenge yourself, and be more ambitious. Insert more imagery, introduce extended metaphors, extend your lines, and please please please, don't just settle for a single adjective.

By itself, it reads well. But that's it. And it's too bad, because you apparently connect with people, so give them more, and do yourself justice with more than a shot's worth of a drink. I'm looking forward to some growth in you.

I simply did it because the reviewer before you asked me to.

Hey again!! I liked this piece a lot too!!!:) The scenes you have created are very nice and I like how the poem has ended. The explanation you have given for each stanza cleared up the little confusions I had. The rhyme scheme is absolutely brilliant.!!! Keep it up:)
Harshita...

Hi there

This is the second piece of yours I've reviewed and I'm really loving all of your poetry.

My favourite part of this poem is your last stanza

"Walk where I've walked,
See what I've seen,
Feel what I've felt,
In this beautiful tragedy."

I really like that the first three are somewhat repetitive and then the last one packs a real punch.

Please keep Writing

Gracie