Love Suite chapter 18 & 19!

Spoiler

Yehey! Writer's block is gone and so, I'm done with chapter nineteen, so here it is with chapter 18! These are the flashback chapters of "Love Suite"- wherein, Marky had a flashback about his past. :3 Grammar help is required!

Spoiler

This is the edited version, if ever I missed something- just tell. Editing credits for SmyLing:)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

THE SECRET PART I

Ismael was sitting down, drinking his coffee when Marky came to his suite. He sat down on a chair at the dining room table as he watched his brother drink. Ismael looked at him seriously.
"Hey, hey," Marky chuckled, "What's with that face?"
Ismael put down his cup and rested his chin to the knuckles of his fist. "The search is over, Marky."
His smile quickly faded away. Marky couldn't believe what he had just heard. "What?"
"I said, the search for a suitable wife for me is over."
God! Not Naddie! Ismael should meet Ronnie!, Marky thought while the silence ate at him. He knew how Ismael liked Naddie.
Marky tried to be calm. "Who is she? Is it Naddie?"
"Oh, geez, Marky, you're killing me!" he exclaimed, already smiling.
Marky sighed with relief. "Good," he cleared his throat. "Who is she?"
"Well," Ismael picked up his cup, "I'm taking away the responsibility from you. I owe you a lot, Marky. So for now, let me handle this."
He gulped. It would be another trouble once he told Ronnie that Ismael was rejecting her! Ismael sipped some more of his coffee and grinned. Marky shook his head. He failed in finding a perfect woman for his brother. It wasn't his job to be his brother's matchmaker but why did he have to do this?
If only anyone knew why all of these things were happening. It all started seven years ago..

"Principal's office?" Mark exclaimed as he received a phone call from their maid.
The maid spoke again.
"They want your parents, Mark."
"Have you called dad?" he asked as he placed his beloved guitar in his guitar case. He was at a rehearsal for his music band. He was a guitarist and a vocalist in a band during his first year in college.
"I didn't, he's in L.A., remember?"
Marky sighed. "Geez, that man doesn't want any interruptions on his business trips. How about mom?"
"She's busy managing the Bella Amor resort. She couldn't come to your brother's school this very instant!"
He muttered some unintelligable words before replying. "Oh, Jesus, I guess I'll go there."
"Thank you, Marky."
He turned off his cell phone and left the music studio.
As he reached the principal's office of Ismael's high school, he saw a whining girl with her elder sister, who seemed as though she were in her late twenties.
"What's the problem, Madame?" he asked the principal as he stood behind the chair where Ismael sat.
The principal, who wore a pair of thick bifocals and gray colored hair, spoke.
"Your brother harassed this young lady."
He looked over at the victim. She looked so pathetic that he couldn't help but criticize her in his mind. If he got a good taste with ladies, so was Ismael. His brother would never harass this horse-looking girl.
"What has my brother done to you?" he asked the girl.
She wailed, "H-He.. he cornered me there.. by the stairs near th-the rooftop! H-He tried to undress me, and kiss m-me!"
He wanted to throw-up. Ismael wouldn't do that to a girl who looked so horrifying as this. Her curly hair was disheveled, and what big teeth she had! She wasn't even Little Red Riding Hood's big bad wolf! What made it worse was her braces.
Oh, Jesus. You might just be the one who harassed Isma, he thought. He used to call his brother Isma around that time.
Marky looked at the girl's sister. Pretty woman, she was.. He wondered how beauty and the beast could be sisters.
"Hey there, beautiful," he walked near her, "Do you think my brother would harass a girl like your sister?"
He said that nicely, but the girl easily caught on to the exact opposite impression. If we were to translate what he'd said, to her it meant, Do you think my brother would harass an ugly girl?
"Do you mean my sister looks that horrible that boys won't even dare to kiss her? Is she that disgusting?" she squealed. The younger girl wailed and wailed.
Oh, please, give me a break, he thought as he gazed at the crying girl who sounded like a pig being tortured in a slaughter house.
He smiled nicely and held the elder girl's chin to tilt her head and tilted the elder girl's chin up to look into his eyes. "Don't get me wrong, beautiful. I mean, how could my brother harass such a pretty lady? Beautiful ladies deserve some respect."
She smiled and glanced at her sister. The beast shook her head as if she was against what Marky said. He saw the hesitation in beauty's eyes. He leaned closer and whispered in her ear. "Hey, beautiful... I'd love it if we could maybe have a dinner date some time. But I'm afraid this problem won't be settled. And so I have to keep my distance from you for fear of what Ismael might have done to your sister."
"Oh, no, no," she shook her head and glanced at the beast with a warning look in her eyes before gazing back at him, "This problem's settled. My sister gets hallucinations sometimes, y'know."
"What? Cissy!" the beast protested, but beauty ignored her. She was much too smitten by Marky because of his irresistible charm.
He ran his hand across his face. "What a shame. Now everybody will think that my brother's a maniac."
Beauty/Cissy held her sister's shoulders and muttered, "Say sorry to them, take back your accusations against Ismael!"
"B-But, he.."
"Do it! Now!"
The poor girl was forced to apologize. Marky and Ismael went home happily ever-... stop. Wait. There was a continuation to that story. What happened after was what was to become of their darkest secret.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

THE SECRET PART II

"What!?" Marky exclaimed as he suddenly pushed on the car brake. The wheels created a low screeching sound as they ceased to a halt.
Ismael sighed when he saw his brother's shocked face after having told his confession.
"My God, Ismael!" Marky blinked his eyes with disbelief before he threw a glare at his brother.
"I know that she's ugly," Ismael spoke.
"And disgusting!" he added.
"But I did it," he insisted.
Marky leaned his back down against the seat and ran his hand down his face.
"Ismael, you really attempted to rape that bitch?" he was beginning to sound furious.
"I didn't want to. Something is... forcing me. Lust."
"Lust?" His voice raised a little as he stared him in the eye. "Lust?"
Ismael gulped as his eyes got teary.
"Help me, Marky. I can't really control this."
"What do you mean?"
"I've- I've fucked girls- not just once, Mark."
That was it. Marky had gone upset. He slammed the steering wheel and looked at his brother through narrowed eyes.
"Damn it! I haven't even had sex with any women, and you-" he groaned.
"I tried to keep this a secret. I thought I could overcome this thing-"
"Shit. How did you know about sex and things like that?"
"Y-Your video tapes."
Marky uttered unintelligable words again. "They're not mine, Alfred watched those porn videos in my room so that his mother wouldn't catch him!" he explained.
"I enjoy doing it, and I feel guilty too-"
Marky raised his hands. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I don't care if you enjoy it!"
"Sorry," Ismael lowered his head and looked down at his hands which rested in his lap.
"Look, you're kind of a maniac or something. You need a psychologist," Marky said calmly after a long silence.
"Let's go to General Hospital-," Ismael began, but Marky immediately cut him off.
"Shit, the whole country knows us and our family. When a doctor finds out about-"
"Doctors keep their patients' case confidential, Marky," Ismael said.
"But you cannot still rely on it." He stomped his feet and the car's engine roared roughly before it ran smoothly.
"So, you're not taking me to a psychologist?"
"Yeah, I will take myself to the psychologist."
"What?" Ismael exclaimed as he watched Marky rub his chin. He knew what that gesture of Marky's means. He rubbed his chin when he was thinking deeply.
"I'll attach headphones to my cellphone and put one in my ear. You'll call me and give me the answers to the psychologist's questions."
"Then?" Ismael asked.
"I will pretend to be the one who has your problem."
"But, Marky-"
"I can do this, okay?"
Ismael sighed.

As was then planned, Ismael provided the answers and Marky told the psychologist about it. The doctor confirmed that he was satyriatic and that he needed psychological therapy.
"No, thanks. Just keep this as a secret," he told the doctor as he paid him.
The doctor nodded. "As you wish, Mr. Federal," he replied.
"Give me the medical record."
The doctor gave it to him. He saw his name in there along with the doctor's observations during the check-up interview. He tore it before he left the puzzled doctor.
As Marky sat inside the car, he glanced down at his brother's miserable face.
"Don't worry. I will pretend to be the sex maniac until you recover, Isma."
"What?"
"Yeah, no one should know that you're satyriatic. It'll be your shame." He placed the keys in the cars key slot and turned it. The engine roared.
"But, how about you?"
"Dad already thinks that I'm a shame to this family," he scoffed as he drove the car. "He disliked my decision to be in a rock band, and my cigarettes, so, it will not be a big deal with him if he discovers that I'm a sex predator."
Marky sounded like he was joking, but he wasn't, and Ismael didn't find that joke funny either.

Fantastic work here, CS. This was a very great addition to your story, the whole past thing. I think you really took it to the next level with your characters. Marky and Ismael are such good brothers. And I love how, although Marky looked very bad in the beginning of the story, his truth is uncovered and your audience sees that all along he's just been this genuinely good person. Ismael seems as though he's lucky to have some one like that in his life.

The substance of this section of Love Suite was really great. The only thing I would like to see obviously is some editing. I'll be sure to stop by again soon and drop off an edited version for you. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read the end of this.

-Smy

--> Thank you Smyling! I will be waiting for the edited version, of course! Thanks a lot, you're my lifesaver!

Back to edit. Here we go


CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

THE SECRET PART I

Ismael was sitting down(,) drinking his coffee when Marky came to his suite. He sat on the chair at that dining table and watched his brother drink coffee. (You should change this sentence to: "He sat down on a chair at the dining room table as he watched his brother drink.") Ismael looked at him seriously.
"Hey, hey," Marky chuckled, "What's with that face?" (I inserted names where you put a few he's. Just so that it's a little more clear to the reader on who's doing and saying what.)
Ismael put down his cup and rested his chin to the knuckles of his fist. "The search is over(,) Marky."
His smile quickly faded away(.) Marky couldn't believe what he had just heard. "What?"
"I said, the search for a suitable wife for me is over."
God! Not Naddie! Ismael should meet Ronnie!, Marky thought while the silence ate at him. He knew how Ismael liked Naddie.
Marky tried to be calm. "Who is she? Is it Naddie?"
"Oh, geez, Marky, you're killing me!" he exclaimed, already smiling.
Marky sighed with relief. "Good," he cleared his throat(.) "Who is she?"
"Well," Ismael picked up his cup, "I'm taking away the responsibility from you. I owe you a lot, Marky(.) So for now, let me handle this."
He gulped. It would be another trouble once he told Ronnie that Ismael was rejecting her! Ismael sipped some more of his coffee and grinned. Oh, geez(.) Marky felt like a failure at the same time. (This sentence doesn't quite make sense to me. Maybe you should add something else here.)
If only anyone knew why all of these things were happening. It all started seven years ago..

"Principal's office?" Mark exclaimed as he received a phone call from their maid.
The maid spoke again(.)
"They want your parents, Mark."
"Have you called dad?" he asked as he placed his beloved guitar in his guitar case. He was at a rehearsal for his music band. He used to be a guitarist and also a vocalist in a band when he was in his first year in college. Change this sentence to: "He was a guitarist and a vocalist in a band his first year in college." It's a lot simpler, but still sounds good here. )
"I didn't, he's in L.A., remember?"
Marky sighed. "Geez, that man doesn't want any interruptions on his business trips. How about mom?"
"She's busy managing the Bella Amor resort(.) She couldn't come to your brother's school this very instant!"
He muttered some unintelligable words before replying. "Oh, Jesus, I guess I'll go there."
"Thank you, Marky."
He turned off his cell phone and left the music studio.
As he reached the principal's office of Ismael's high school, he saw a whining girl with her elder sister(,) who seemed as though she were in her late twenties.
"What's the problem, Madame?" he asked the principal as he stood behind the chair where Ismael sat.
The principal, who wore a pair of thick bifocals and gray colored hair, spoke(.) (I added a few words to try and make your description of the principal a little more flowier.)
"Your brother harassed this young lady."
He looked over at the victim. She looked so pathetic that he couldn't help but criticize her in his mind. If he got a good taste with ladies, so was Ismael. His brother would never harass this horse-looking girl.
"What has my brother done to you?" he asked the girl.
She wailed, "H-He.. he cornered me there.. by the stairs near th-the rooftop! H-He tried to undress me(,) and kiss m-me!"
He wanted to throw-up. Ismael wouldn't do that to a girl who looked so horrifying as this. Her curly hair was all messed up(,) (changed "messed up to "disheveled") and what big teeth she had! She wasn't even Little Red Riding Hood's big bad wolf! What made it worse was her braces.
Oh, Jesus(.) You might just be the one who harassed Isma, he thought. He used to call his brother Isma around that time.
Marky looked at the girl's sister. Pretty woman(,) she was.. He wondered how beauty and the beast could be sisters.
"Hey there, pretty woman," (Change "pretty woman" to "beautiful". It's a lot more innocent for flirting with a stranger at first.) he walked near her, "Do you think my brother would harass a girl like your sister?"
He said that nicely, but the girl easily caught on to the exact opposite impression. If we were to translate what he'd said, to her it meant, Do you think my brother would harass an ugly girl?
"Do you mean my sister looks that horrible that boys won't even dare to kiss her? Is she that disgusting?" she squealed. The younger girl wailed and wailed.
Oh, please, give me a break, he thought as he gazed at the crying girl who sounded like a pig being tortured in a slaughter house. (This is so funny! I love how you portray Marky's thoughts here. Excellent work!)
He smiled nicely and held the elder girl's chin to tilt her head and make her look in his eyes. (Maybe change to, "and tilted the elder girls chin up to look into his eyes." "Don't get me wrong, beautiful. I mean, how could my brother harass such a pretty lady? Beautiful ladies deserve some respect."
She smiled and glanced at her sister. The beast shook her head as if she was against what Marky said. He saw the hesitation in beauty's eyes. He leaned closer and whispered in her ear. "Hey, beautiful... I'd love it if we could maybe have a dinner date some time(.) But I'm afraid this problem won't be settled(.) And so I have to keep my distance from you for fear of what Ismael might have done to your sister."
"Oh, no, no," she shook her head and glanced at the beast with a warning look in her eyes before gazing back at him, "This problem's settled(.) My sister gets hallucinations sometimes, y'know."
"What? Cissy!" the beast protested(,) but beauty ignored her. She was much too smitten by Marky because of his irresistible charm.
He ran his hand across his face. "What a shame(.) Now everybody will think that my brother's a maniac."
Beauty/Cissy held her sister's shoulders and muttered, "Say sorry to them, take back your accusations against Ismael!"
"B-But, he.."
"Do it! Now!"
The poor girl was forced to apologize. Marky and Ismael went home happily ever-... stop. Wait. There was a continuation to that story. What happened after was what was to become of their darkest secret.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

THE SECRET PART II

"What!?" Marky exclaimed as he suddenly pushed on the car brake. The wheels created a low screeching sound as they ceased to a halt.
Ismael sighed when he saw his brother's shocked face after having told his confession.
"My God, Ismael!" Marky blinked his eyes with disbelief before he threw a glare at his brother.
"I know that she's ugly," Ismael spoke.
"And disgusting!" he added. (Poor girl! Haha. I love that funny Marky.)
"But I did it," he insisted(.)
Marky leaned his back down against the seat and ran his hand down his face.
"Ismael, you really attempted to rape that bitch?" he was beginning to sound furious.
"I didn't want to. Something is... forcing me. Lust."
"Lust?" His voice raised a little as he stared him in the eye. "Lust?"
Ismael gulped as his eyes got teary.
"Help me, Marky. I can't really control this."
"What do you mean?"
"I've- I've fucked girls- not just once, Mark."
That was it. Marky had gone upset. He slammed the steering wheel and looked at his brother through narrowed eyes.
"Damn it! I haven't even had sex with any women(,) and you-" he groaned.
"I tried to keep this a secret. I thought I could overcome this thing-"
"Shit. How did you know about sex and things like that?"
"Y-Your video tapes."
Marky uttered unintelligable words again. "They're not mine, Alfred watched those porn videos in my room so that his mother wouldn't catch him!" he explained.
"I enjoy doing it(,) and I feel guilty too-"
Marky raised his hands. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I don't care if you enjoy it!"
"Sorry," Ismael lowered his head and looked down at his hands which rested in his lap.
"Look, you're kind of a maniac or something. You need a psychologist," Marky said calmly after a long silence.
"Let's go to General Hospital-(,)" Ismael began, but Marky immediately cut him off. (I added that little piece on too.)
"Shit, the whole country knows us and our family. When a doctor finds out about-"
"Doctors keep their patients' case confidential, Marky," Ismael said.
"But you cannot still rely on it(.)" He stomped his feet and the car's engine roared roughly before it ran smoothly.
"So, you're not taking me to a psychologist?"
"Yeah, I will take myself to the psychologist."
"What?" (You should try adding a sentence in here right before Marky explains a plan. As if he's beginning to quickly think up a scheme to solve the problem.)
"I'll attach headphones to my cellphone and put one in my ear. You'll call me and give me the answers to the psychologist's questions."
"Then?" Ismael asked.
"I will pretend to be the one who has your problem."
"But(,) Marky-"
"I can do this, okay?"
Ismael sighed.

(Also, add a sentence in here maybe in order to make this transition a lot smoother as well. Maybe something like, "As was then planned, Ismael provided the answers"..etc.))
Ismael provided the answers and Marky told the psychologist about it. The doctor confirmed that he was satyriatic and that he needed psychological therapy.
"No, thanks. Just keep this as a secret," he told the doctor as he paid him.
The doctor nodded. "As you wish, Mr. Federal," he replied.
"Give me the medical record."
The doctor gave it to him. He saw his name in there along with the doctor's observations during the check-up interview. He tore it before he left the puzzled doctor.
As Marky sat inside the car, he glanced down at his brother's miserable face.
"Don't worry. I will pretend to be the sex maniac until you recover, Isma."
"What?"
"Yeah, no one should know that you're satyriatic. It'll be your shame." He placed the keys in the cars key slot and turned it. The engine roared.
"But, how about you?"
"Dad already thinks that I'm a shame to this family," he scoffed as he drove the car(.) "He disliked my decision to be in a rock band(,) and my cigarettes, so, it will not be a big deal with him if he discovers that I'm a sex predator."
Marky sounded like he was joking, but he wasn't, and Ismael didn't find that joke funny either.

This is such an endearing moment. I'm in love with your characters CS! Great job. Let me know when you've posted the edits. I'd love to read them when they're all pretty and finalized. Such a great story! I actually think you could combine these two chapters into just one chapter. It'd be fine probably. But anyway, I'll be back again to read your next chapters. Till then see you around!

Well wow!
Your story lines arent the old original ones,
how do you come up with these ideas?
I was really impressed, again!
<3Love suite!

--> hello, summerlovee! I know that I'll say this again and it might soudn annoying to repeat "thank you" but I don't get tired saying "thanks" to you! :3 You keep on motivating me to write more and I was pleased to know that you're glad reading "Love Suite" !

Your story lines arent the old original ones,
how do you come up with these ideas?

--> I didn't really know where the ideas come from, I just started with this music video that inspired "Love Suite" and then the ideas continued to flow :3

--> I will notify you whenever I submit the next chapters :3 *hugs*

This is such an endearing moment. I'm in love with your characters CS! Great job.

--> aww, I also love them so much! :3

Let me know when you've posted the edits. I'd love to read them when they're all pretty and finalized.

--> sure I would! I'll post them when the story is finished and everything was edited. :3

Such a great story! I actually think you could combine these two chapters into just one chapter. It'd be fine probably.

--> yeah, I think you're right! Uhmm, we'll see about that. :3

But anyway, I'll be back again to read your next chapters. Till then see you around!

--> See you around, Mylin!Thank you! :3