to the ducks swimming in ditchwater

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To the ducks swimming in ditch water:

I apologize, extending these hearty palms towards you
on behalf of my brothers and sisters speeding and
crashing around us both.
Believe me if my fingers were strong enough,
with my bare hands I’d crack concrete and let
your sisters, the green blades poke out again
to sniff the world.
The world...again, I apologize.
If I could I’d gently pry out the nails and boards
hammered into your brothers who still stand tall
extending grace--the gentlemen of your family.
I’d usher in the sun, who now only peeks in,
intimidated by the tall strongholds that are my fathers.
I would kick away bridges and let waters flood the
ditches, the cement, the signboards, the lights that
we call Ewen Avenue and call it River.
I’d let your cousins come out from hiding,
let the eagle soar once again who right now
gazes, glaze eyed from atop the streetlamp.
The beasts that tread carefully now, hawk eyed,
alert for our footsteps,
I’d let them come out and roam free.
And instead we will retreat into our caves,
on top of trees, and peek out at you with fear
and paint stories on walls, and learn again
to run with silent steps.
But now that I think of it,
we will still have opposable thumbs, and knowledge,
knowledge of tools and fire and hunger that
drives us out of our caves.
And these, my friends, are things I can’t apologize for.
But I’ll tell you a secret: they’re the real enemy.

I do not see an alternative ending,
but even then,
I offer you my sincerest apologies.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres




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This is a very moving piece. Enviromentalist, no? Apologizing to the ducks drew my attention at first and you kept it all the way until the end. Yes, the knowledge is the true enemy.

Here are the few things I found.

1.) "on behalf of my brothers and sisters speeding and crashing around us both." Are you talking about humans? If you are, then I would use another word besides crashing. It confused me.

2.) "let your sisters, the green blade, poke out again to sniff the world" I personally wouldn't use "poke out again," I would use "poke their heads out," but there is nothing wrong with that word choice. That is just my opinion.

3.) "The world...again I apologize." I would put "to" in front of "the world," so that the reader will know who you are addressing. I would not put "again" since you did not apologize to the world before.

4.) "If I could, I'd gently pry out the nails and boards hammered into your brothers who still stand tall, extending grace- the gentlemen of your family." First, good job using the dash! It isn't used that often. Second, who are the brothers? You do not state them in your poem.

5.) "and call it "River"" If you call something a name, then you should use quotes around it. Also, River does not need to be capatilized.

The ending was absolutely perfect!!! Only I would reccomend would be to change " even then" to "still," nut feel free to ignore that! Good job! I hope to read more from you.
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.



Prometheus, thief of light, giver of light, bound by the gods, must have been a book.
— Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves