Where can I find her?

"Where can i find her?"
He stumbled into the bar
for the fourth time this week.
"Where can I find her?"

Four drinks down and he
still demands her. Still
demands her, who no-one has seen.

"She's has long long long red hair.
Rouge lips and grey eyes. . .
where Is she?" Yet no-one knows.

A week later and he's back.
The stench of whiskey
swimming through the tavern.
again the same question,
yet still no answer.

A month later and he still
pleads. The now chipped
seating holding him wearily.
The spring grass has now started
to show through the floorboards
and before long flowers will be there.

The high July sun sears in.
The funeral procession
dampening the happy day.
He had drunk himself to death.
When in walks a woman,
with long red hair,
rouge lips and grey eyes.

The locals stared with disbelief,
as do I. She walked to the bar
stepping over lilac flowers.
"I'm looking for a man," she asked.
"He died last tuesday." Someone said
from the back of the bar.
"I know," she replied "i've come
to take him with me."

She started for the door.
My dry mouth soaring with heat.
"Wait." I managed. "Who are you?"
She turned, her grey eyes gleaming,
"Gone." She whispered, and then
she faded away into dust.
As we stared on into the space
where she once stood.

I crawled into a bar a month later,
"Where can I find her?" I asked,
but no-one knows who I mean.
The agony and frustration bulding,
only drowned out by whiskey.

The same bar every week.
The same drink every week.
Looking for the same woman,
and slowly slipping into drink.
Yet no-one has seen her,
no-one will see her,
until i've gone.

WOW that was AMAZING!

"She's has long long long red hair.
Rouge lips and grey eyes. . .
where Is she?" Yet no-one knows.

Did you mean for is to be lower lettered not capitalized?

The locals stared with disbelief,
as do I. She walked to the bar
stepping over lilac flowers.
"I'm looking for a man," she asked.
"He died last tuesday." Someone said
from the back of the bar.
"I know," she replied "i've come
to take him with me."

Was that suppose to I've since it starts a conversation?
That is all i found so far and hope that it helps hope you keep up the good work that was AMAZING and very nicely well done^^ good luck and happy writings
Soulkana<3

I really, really like this. It had an air of mystery to it that was so refreshing. It had a good flow to it as well and the imagery, particularly in your fifth stanza was beautiful. I think the main reason why I loved this was because it's just so different from the usual poetry one reads. It's got a story, and there's layers of meaning in both that story and in your words.

I was thinking that it reminded me of something earlier while I was reading it. It reminds me of a Neil Gaiman story. The whole poem actually gave the atmosphere of a Gaiman story. I think the story was "Troll Bridge". I'm not sure.

Anyway, these are the few things I would like to point out about this.

The reviewer above pointed out the 'Is' in your third stanza. I'm not sure if you did that on purpose in order to give emphasis to the words. However, if you did, I would suggest that you italicize instead of capitalize the first letter because it's really jarring for the flow of this poem.

The only other thing is your description of the woman when she walks into the bar

When in walks a woman,
with long red hair,
rouge lips and grey eyes.

I think that you should repeat the description from the drunken man from the earlier stanzas wherein he says 'long long long red hair'. I think that it'll give the impression that the speaker in this poem is slipping into the same insanity that took the other man. I guess it's also for a sort of parallelism between the two figures in this poem.

I really did love this poem. Your beginning drew me in, while your ending created a lasting impression. There are a few grammar mistakes in the poem but I won't bore you by pointing them out. Just proofread it. Again, this was a wonderful read. Thank you.

--Nixie

Hello, Booky here to review, comments in bold!

"Where can i find her?"
He stumbled into the bar
for the fourth time this week.I really like the opening-sets the scene
"Where can I find her?"Normally I'm all for repetition but I feel like it doesn't add to the quality of the piece.

Four drinks down and he
still demands her. Stillawkward break
demands her, whom no-one has seen.

"She's has long long long red hair.
Rouge lips and grey eyes. . .
where Is she?" break hereYet no-one knows.

A week later and he's back.
The stench of whiskey
swimming through the tavern.lovely!
again the same question,
yet still no answer.

A month later and he still
pleads.maybe not best verb The now chipped
seating holding him wearily.
The spring grass has now started
to show through the floorboards
and before long break?flowers will be there.

The high July sun sears in.
The funeral procession
dampening the happy day.
He had drunk himself to death.this is quite profound
When in walks a woman,
with long red hair,
rouge lips and grey eyes.

The locals stared with disbelief,
as do I. She walked to the bar
stepping over lilac flowers.
"I'm looking for a man," she asked.
"He died last tuesday." Someone said
from the back of the bar.ooo just got chills!!!
"I know," she replied "i've come
to take him with me."

She started for the door.
My dry mouth soaring with heat.
"Wait." I managed. "Who are you?"
She turned, her grey eyes gleaming,
"Gone." She whispered, and then
she faded away into dust.
As we stared on into the space
where she once stood.

I crawled into a bar a month later,
"Where can I find her?" I asked,upp!!! jadore the change of perspective
but no-one knows who I mean.
The agony and frustration bulding,
only drowned out by whiskey.

The same bar every week.
The same drink every week.
Looking for the same woman,
and slowly slipping into drink.
Yet no-one has seen her,
no-one will see her,
until i've gone.

This started out alright, and ended up fantastic! Wonderful piece!

Hello, Booky here to review, comments in bold!

"Where can i find her?"
He stumbled into the bar
for the fourth time this week.I really like the opening-sets the scene
"Where can I find her?"Normally I'm all for repetition but I feel like it doesn't add to the quality of the piece.

Four drinks down and he
still demands her. Stillawkward break
demands her, whom no-one has seen.

"She's has long long long red hair.
Rouge lips and grey eyes. . .
where Is she?" break hereYet no-one knows.

A week later and he's back.
The stench of whiskey
swimming through the tavern.lovely!
again the same question,
yet still no answer.

A month later and he still
pleads.maybe not best verb The now chipped
seating holding him wearily.
The spring grass has now started
to show through the floorboards
and before long break?flowers will be there.

The high July sun sears in.
The funeral procession
dampening the happy day.
He had drunk himself to death.this is quite profound
When in walks a woman,
with long red hair,
rouge lips and grey eyes.

The locals stared with disbelief,
as do I. She walked to the bar
stepping over lilac flowers.
"I'm looking for a man," she asked.
"He died last tuesday." Someone said
from the back of the bar.ooo just got chills!!!
"I know," she replied "i've come
to take him with me."

She started for the door.
My dry mouth soaring with heat.
"Wait." I managed. "Who are you?"
She turned, her grey eyes gleaming,
"Gone." She whispered, and then
she faded away into dust.
As we stared on into the space
where she once stood.

I crawled into a bar a month later,
"Where can I find her?" I asked,upp!!! jadore the change of perspective
but no-one knows who I mean.
The agony and frustration bulding,
only drowned out by whiskey.

The same bar every week.
The same drink every week.
Looking for the same woman,
and slowly slipping into drink.
Yet no-one has seen her,
no-one will see her,
until i've gone.

This started out alright, and ended up fantastic! Wonderful piece!

So, if you don't mind, I'm going to do more of a conceptual review than anything else.

First off: repetition.
I think the repetition in the second half works very well, when you use the same words to describe your search as you did the other man's. However, the repetition in the initial description itself bothered me. Throw in some imagery in there. Show us his desperation. Don't tell us about it; make us EXPERIENCE it. Or, at least, make us watch him closely as if we were there. Make sure experience it when your character experiences it.

Second: rhythm.
Here is a quick example of what I mean:

A week later and he's back with
the stench of whiskey
swimming through the tavern.
Again with the same question,
still withno answer.

Okay, I restructured this. You used really short, choppy lines, most of which are fragments. Save your fragments for areas that need to hit hard. They provide a lot of emphasis and pack a punch. When you use this technique in every line, it loses its flavor and just hits bluntly instead.

Third: the plot.
The concept itself is not a problem. However, you need to add more drama in order for the ending to work. Why does your character care? Why does he need to find her? Those kind of questions need to be answered.
One last thing: "no one" doesn't need a hyphen.

Overall, I didn't have a ton to say-- sorry. You could work on the three things I listed, and I think this could be really good. Maybe make the description of the woman a bit more dramatic as well. That's about it though. Good job. c: