Is it because?

My first poem, I hope you enjoy it!

I did like this piece. The only part that I wasn't quite sure about was when you said "because he didn't show?" That part didn't flow with your piece so it threw off your rhyming. It made it sound a little awkward. I would take the rosy cheek's line and change it with something else because it doesn't give your poem the type of depth it deserves like the rest of your lines do.
Keep writing,
'Memberme. (:

I did like this piece. The only part that I wasn't quite sure about was when you said "because he didn't show?" That part didn't flow with your piece so it threw off your rhyming. It made it sound a little awkward. I would take the rosy cheek's line and change it with something else because it doesn't give your poem the type of depth it deserves like the rest of your lines do.
Keep writing,
'Memberme. (:

AAH! Boy angst! AAH! How many of us can relate? *raises hand*

I'm a little thrown off when you change your rhyme scheme in the middle. Well, enough and much have assonance, but I'd have to agree the 'show' doesn't quite fit. Fortunately, your meter is good enough that I hardly noticed (thank you)--the only thing I would do is maybe take out the 'questions' in the second to last line to make it flow a little better, as in:

The answers to these I will never know, all because he said no.

Maybe even add a foot in the last, like 'all because the boy said no'? It's no big, but it would make it sort of match.

It looks nice too! It's a pretty shape.

This was so simple, yet so profound. Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy is perfectly right, I think anybody can relate to this feeling. I didn't mind the fact that your rhyme was not constant, because there was something melodic nonetheless in your poem.

Well-done!

wow thanks for all the great reviews!

bookcutie wrote:Is it because...
Is it because of what I wear
or is it because of my stringy hair? Meh.
Is it because of my rosy cheeks Using lots of adjectives.
or that I haven't talked to him in weeks? Too long.
Is it because I laughed too much
or is it cause I didn't laugh enough?
Is it because I showed too much Too much "too much." Gets annoying.
or because he didn't show?
the answer to these questions I will never know, all because he said no. Make this two lines.

Keep writing!

-Kafka

I like it.

I liked it, I really did. The only part that kind of threw me off and made me reread it again was the third to last line. You came up with something new every time and then you repeated another line, sort of, and didn't rhyme it with the other last two. I mean, that's the only part that I didn't care all that much for. Umm, I would try finding a word for the end of there that rhymes with show and no. But that's just me. And I'm sure all of the above stuff sounds super confusing and I'm sorry I can't write anything without confusing people including myself =]
But, the poem, it's good. It's super relatable. I'm guessing it's about someone who was talking to a guy and he didn't seem interested in them or something and now they're/you're just wondering what they/you did wrong. For your first poem, it's excellent and I wish I could say the same for me (even if you're just talking about your first poem on YWS, me too). Keep writing, for sure.
Plus, I looooovvvveee your profile picture, IDK why, but I love flowers (in caase you couldn't tell from my profile picture)
*Definitely deserves a like*
-Leah

I liked the poem alot.It had a depth that shows how questions go unanswered.It really portrayed the emotions of rejection and how we wonder why.I think the "is it because you didnt show" line throws of the tempo and makes that peice slightly awkward.Although the peice is good I think you should go deeper and try to get more out of the base emotions.
Good luck!
~spartacus~

the questions unanswered is the weight we carry on our shoulders ~dreamer~