Queen of Night Tulip

Some say she is rebelling against her parents,
who cry and yell and ground her.
Hoping that one day she will listen and turn around
and dye her rainbow head back to mousy brown "Brown" and "around" rhyme. Fix that.

Hello Jas Here to do that review you asked for. By the way, thanks for that. I'm truly flattered. You can beg for a review any day from me! Anyway, to the good stuff. .

A mess of torn vintage dresses, sunken raccoon eyes,
And old, ratty Converse,
With words(,) and(Remove this "and" you have here) lyrics(,) and(This one too.) poems(,) and(And this one! Too many "and's" The repetition doesn't sound quite right.) tiny scribble scrabbles(,) and penned hearts covering the sides.

Some say she is rebelling against her parents,
Who cry and yell and ground her.
Hoping that one day she will listen and(remove this "and" here)(,) turn around
And dye her rainbow head back to mousy brown(,)
And take out the lip piercing(,)
And stop listening to that emo punk trash(,)
And transform (back) into their little girl again. (I really like this last line here. Great job!)

Some say she is rebelling against God(;)
Entwining hands with Satan,
Who's making her abandon Lucy Hans, her old best friend,
And befriend girls with names like Tears and 2MORO and Jezebelle
And take turns passing the joint and that bottle around the circle. (I think this last sentence would sound better as, "And taking turns passing around that joint and bottle within their circle.)


I say she's rebelling against the world(;)
Who hates her hair and her clothes and her friends and her music.
I say that she's a Queen of Night tulip,
Stubbornly tries to grow and reach out, (I think this line would sound better as, "Stubbornly trying to grow and reach out"
But wilts and falls in the attempt.

Overall I think this was an awesome poem. I like the concept a lot! Young teenagers and their emo-ness. You captured the vision of your inspiration really well. I loved it. I had some nitpicks on punctuation, but those things are easy to fix. I made some suggestions as well, but I didn't want to really change what you already had here. After all, it is your poem. I think it had its own personality. Good job again. Keep up the great work!