Web of Lies

Web of Lies


We hide our emotions and from others we shy,
Though no one bothers to ask us why.
We hide inside our web of lies
That torments our souls and only I
know of the spider.

Countless untruths are told
From the heart that shimmers gold
They see our faces, nothing more
For they have not yet seen what we store.

Our fearful cries ring through our minds
And echo endlessly, though they'll never find
the one who cries-
"Help me!"

I liked this poem. It was creative and I could relate to what was being said. Even though this poem was about lies, there was a lot of truth behind it. As someone once told me, to be a good writer one must be effective at lying and making people believe whatever is being said. (I am not promoting lying, but I think you know what I mean).

One suggestion I would make is to change the comma in the first stanza after 'why' to a period. Other then that all of your spelling looked good to me. Keep it up!
-Kayde

The only nitpick I have is this:
"And they echo endlessly, though they'll never find"
I think it should be two separate lines.

Apart from that, I like the poem. It touches on a well-known subject, but you have presented it with a bit of creativity.
I hope to read more from you. Well done!

I really like the moral of the poem. Go on my blog ( and I'm not just doing this to advertise) and read my poem And Nobody Can Tell. It has a similar moral and a motive to drive people from being a clone.

As promised!

With hidden thoughts and emotions, we cry
Though no one bothers to ask why. Meh. This line serves no purpose, other than to waste space.
We hide inside our web of lies
That torments our souls and only I "Torment our souls" is cliched.
know of the spider.

Countless untruths benow (the one that I suggest)/are/made told
From the heart that shimmers gold "From" isn't the right word.
They see our faces, nothing more Again. I don't feel anything as I read this.
For they have not yet seen what is stored. "Stored?" Uh, that's a pretty weird way to say it. I understand that it's only put there to maintain the rhyme, but you still really need to change it somehow. Perhaps you could use the same format as you did last time: the continuation of the fourth line into a shorter fifth one.

Our The silent cries ring through our minds
And theyecho endlessly, though they'll never find
the one who cries- Second time you've used "cries" in this stanza.
"Help me!"

What happened to the spider/web image? I would think you'd continue with that.

There you go! Keep writing.

-Kafka

I really loved this poem because truthfully, this speaks to us all. Actually, to me, I especially liked the first two lines of this poem.
But, I agree that I think maybe you should have added on a little bit more, about the web of lies. "Help me" kind of just leaves me hanging. It's a very abrupt ending.