A little girl gazes up into her father's eyes for the first time. She is loved. Her father sees his world in his hands. This small piece of life which he created with his beloved wife. His wife, whom is now frowning upon the face of death. She screams, "Why did you take me from them!", but no one hears her bellowing.
A brand new father, left to raise his daughter on his own, fights for their best. He swears as long as he loves her, she will be okay. He swears he will raise this little girl into the beautiful and elegant woman her mother - his wife - once was. He promises to once again see the image of his wife through his beautiful baby Bella.
"One day Bella, you'll be grown. You will be so beautiful," he whispers in sadness to himself as he coddles the child in her sleep. She soon wakes to his voice. This man, so strong and so in love with his creation, falls to pieces at her gaze on him. This child sees her one; her protector. . .
For years, the two are inseparable. Companions and playmates. She has her mother's face, but her father's demeanor. Stubborn yet playful; happy yet wearisome. . . She knows not of the missing piece in her life. Nor will she for a long time to come. Her father is everything she knows and the only thing she wants.
A two year old Bella whines in her sleep, but daddy is there to comfort her.
Three year old Bella plays dress-up at daycare, but no child questions her choice of policeman over princess.
A four year old Bella sees parents at the park. She wonders, "Who is that woman?" But daddy doesn't wish to upset her, by telling this dashing girl the flaw of her young life.
Years go by. Bella is seven. She knows now of her missing piece. "Mommy went to heaven to have me," she tells her father. He listens, but with a feeling unsettling to him.
Swinging in the park one day, young Bella scrapes her knee. "I fell off going high, daddy." He smiles and kisses her on the cheek.
A strong little girl this one, he thinks. Perhaps I'm doing okay. Self assurance comes easy in these younger days. . . Hopefully the feeling won't disappear. But he can only hope, as any father does.
Years once more come and go, and this daughter of his grows so very quickly. He could not anticipate what was coming next. He meets this fate called adolescence. Sworn enemy to all fathers naturally. Not once did he ever come to think his Bella would soon belong to this mixed up world.
In middle school, boys interest her. But Bella is much too shy to confront this. She plays it sweet and tells her father, "I only love one man." His daughter is kind, but tells no lies. She only loves one man. The love for her father will always exceed those who try and steal away her heart.
This did not mean that along the way Bella would not get swept off her feet. One day, a boy came into her life. Between all girls he was the finest suitor of them all. With dreamy eyes and a face to match, he chose pretty Bella as his girlfriend.
This little girl, although fifteen, was still a little girl in her father's eyes. She cannot be with him, he thinks to himself. He knows nothing of how to treat my precious daughter. But Bella with her hold on him, convinced her father it was okay.
"He's a good guy, dad. I promise. Trust me on this one."
No longer was he concerned with her infatuation with the boy, her father saw his true concern. Dad. She had never called him dad. What was this "dad"!
For days his mind was stuck on this thought. Perhaps no longer did he have his little girl. For all her attention grew attached to this young dimwit of a boy. Less and less he saw of young Bella. Less and less did they speak. Was school not enough time to spend together? The father thought impatiently as Bella tied up the phone line with Michael. Five days a week she was away at school and he was off at work. This left them with little time in the remainder of their weekdays to share together. Weekends weren't a solution. Michael took those away, too. Filling his sweet daughter's time with his adolescent behavior.
Bella's father cringed at the thought of them sharing a simple kiss together. Little did he know of how much less innocent his beautiful daughter was than that. Maybe then he could be satisfied by the thought of one simple kiss. But only if he knew. . .
One day his daughter came home in tears. Her beautiful face, masked by such sadness. Who dare take away her smile in place of these miserable tears! Bella would not speak with her father on the subject. Whatever was disturbing her life was a mystery to him. But it wouldn't be for long.
A few days of quiet and solitude passed. During those of which Bella was no longer tying up the phone lines. This gave her father the definite answer that this boy who she cared for was at fault. Why must she care about him so dearly when he is undeserving! There was no answer to this of course. Bella was young. She was experiencing her first heartbreak. Her father knew to give her space. But this whole "giving space" ate at him like something so unimaginable.
One day, Bella emerged from her bedroom. Tears still swimming around the lids of her eyes. Her father was attentive of his poor daughter. He was happy too though that she was finally coming out to him. Coming to speak. He was not anticipating for her to break down in front of him.
"I'm sorry!" she whimpered, now falling to his feet. The tears continued to fall as she struggled to muster out this one clear sentence. Her father nearly fell with her as she cried, gently beating the heels of her hands to her tiny temples. "I'm -so sorry, Daddy!"
Sorry for what?, he first thought. Sorry for neglecting your sad father while you discover adolescent love? It's the first thing that came to his mind. It was the only thing he had been thinking of for months. But he knew she shouldn't be sorry for such a thing. She shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt in her bones for having and losing her first boyfriend.
He knelt down to embrace his daughter. Happy to comfort her poor misleaden soul. She is young, and she'll learn. Sobbing Bella fell to pieces at her father's warm embrace. She apologized once more. This time, adding in a voice no greater than a whisper, "I let him... We both-..." But she could not finish this sentence. No matter how many ways she could phrase herself. She feared letting the fact be known far worse than the consequences she might receive. Because to break her father's heart. . . that was the greatest consequence of them all.
But her father already knew better. He knew what message she was trying to give to him. A piece of him then shattered inside. His heart; nearly unmendable. No!, he thought. Conflict raging inside his bones. Not my little girl! How could my sweet Bella do this to me?
But as he looked down, he saw what was the true matter. His shattered heart could wait. His daughter's was far greater of value. And right now, her's was broken.
"Don't cry, sweetheart," he forces himself to say -instead of the many curses he wishes to throw at the boy's name. The boy who took her sweet innocence from her. "You'll be alright. . . I'm not upset with you."
No. He was not upset. He was much more than this. He was disappointed in his daughter's poor choice. But he was more sad for her sadness than anything else he could think of.
Young weeping Bella reached her arms around her father's shoulders and held him as if they might mold into one single person. "I only love you, daddy. I'm sorry. . ."
Now calm and reassured, she let herself go to her father. The only man she could ever trust with her most precious gift -her love.
"I swore as long as I'd love you, you'd be okay. . . You will be okay."
my worst fear when i'm a father!
