Life and Death

Spoiler

I know this is short, but I felt that adding further onto it may have taken away the effect I wanted to give off. Critique as you may, but I hope you enjoy.

What is death?
Is it being born into a new life?
To start over again
once you've completed its full circle?

What if death is just dreaming vividly
your whole life over again?
Are we already dead?

Maybe we should live our lives
as if they were our dreams,
not dream of the life we wish we lived.

I like this little thought of yours. I ask myself that same question a lot to. I think everyone does

In my opinion death is just your retirement from life. That's why when old people say "I'm ready to die" but that's just my opinion. This subject could probably go on forever.

Here's one of my favorite lines about death that comes from one of m favorite books The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed

Keep up the Thoughts

What is death?
Is it being born into a new life?
To start over and over again once you've completed it full circle? Ugh. Too long. And "it" should be "its."

What if death is just dreaming vividly your whole life over and over again? Okay, way too complicated and long. Needs some serious reworkage.
Are we already dead?
Maybe we should live our lives as if it were our dream, "It" should be "they."
Not dream of the life we wish we lived.

Okay, sorry if that wasn't helpful one bit. I'm very tired at the moment.

-Kafka

Hi!
This is a very nice poem, with some fairly confusing questions, it made me think for a bit.
Some little things:

SmylinG wrote:What is death?
Is it being born into a new life?
To start over again once you've completed (the?) full circle?

What if death is just dreaming vividly your whole life over again?
Are we already dead?
Maybe we should live our lives as if they were our dreams,
Not dream of the life we wish we lived.

Wow Smylin! I loved this. Sent a very very good message in what 10 lines! great job!

It's been a while, but I need to get back into the reviewing game, so here goes.

First Impressions:

The language here lacks a certain level of poetry, you're asking questions, and it feels more like a list of things plaguing you rather than an actual poem. The absence of imagery adds to the feel of a list, and I am left sort of wondering what the point of it all was.

What is death?
Is it being born into a new life?
To start over again once you've completed its full circle?

Like here, What is death?, feels like a rather dull way to start a poem. It's a blunt question, thrown in to apparently get the reader thinking. Then of course, you follow with more questions, but still there is nothing truly poetic to it. I am not really sure what to say is missing here, other than imagery, flow and poetic feel in general. Unfortunately this introduction feels very lacking. Perhaps, rather than asking questions, think of an image that brings these questions to life. What do you picture when you think of death? Do you see someone in the very act of dying, or do you see a corpse, or perhaps a simple headstone on the cold ground? Give me something more than questions.

Maybe we should live our lives as if they were our dreams,
Not dream of the life we wish we lived

.

The two ending line here actually stuck with me. I quite like it, for some reason. Again it feels sort of blunt and it feels like it's missing something, but I like the concept. I think that the idea of living life like its a dream would make for a quite interesting poem, if you could tweak something more into it.

If I were you, I would maybe scrap the questions completely, take a good look at your last two lines, and form a poem around them. Give a good peek at our Poetry Discussion and Tips section. They have some really great methods, and there are tons of articles on how to make your poetry and imagery more effective. I highly suggest checking it out.

Hope this helps,

OverEasy

Neat poem. It is like you said a little thought (about a big thing) in poetic form. I would have like to get more than just vague questions (i.e. more poetry) but the ending worked pretty well. Overall not much to say about this poem from me, considering it's already been well edited.

Really liked it. Simplistic, perhaps too short, as very little is given for us to latch onto. That said, I love that the story is one of death without ending up like most of the crappy emo poetry that pops up whenever death is made the subject of a poem.
I love writing about death in unique ways, be it comedical, realistic, or a mix of both, and anytime a piece like this comes up I have to give the writer props.

so...this is me...giving you props...