Lost 'Till You're Found (2)

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In the moments it took for her limbs to remember how to move, she was sure she was dead. There was no one but she, at least as far as she could see. The man had left, probably certain she really would die there in the back allies. Nothing was working, everything felt like she had been welded to the floor by some master craft's man and even her vision blurred. She groaned, finally able to flex her swollen fingers, the ache horrible but somehow enough to be ignored for now. The wound in her side though, that could not be ignored. Managing to sit herself up against the nearest wall, she took stock of the damage; bruised knuckles, bloodied lip, swollen face, and a gaping hole in her side. With a small grimace she placed a hand over the latter, mind racing over what to do. Get herself back to Master, certainly, but it just might kill her.
“No.” She ground through her teeth as she pressed harder, rebelling against the idea. With only her other hand to use for support, Remei scrabbled to her feet, leaning against the nearest wall for support. For the moment she was disoriented, not at all sure which was back to the lair or where she had come from. She hobbled her way back towards the main street, trying to hide beneath her torn cloak. Now it would certainly be impossible to go unseen, but she had at least been left for dead.
She could not quite remember just how she had managed to make it all the way back to Master's lair, but she did. Leaning against the door frame, she let the mix between a sigh and a groan, still clutching at her side to stay the bleeding. From there she stumbled down the small staircase, thudding against the door as she finally tripped. With another yelp of pain she sunk to the floor, opening the door seeming much to hard a task.
“Master.” She croaked, head flopping against the door to hear if he were even coming. Nothing at all. “Let me in!” She ground through her teeth, tempted to begin banging on the door. The next thing she knew, she was falling through the door way and at Master's feet.
“I got him.” She rasped, face twisted up in a grimace until she could not see.
“Hrmph...” He growled, taking her up by the arm and practically dragging her over to the couch. “Pathetic.” He mumbled as he set her down, looking down on her disapprovingly.
“It's not like that.” She groaned, trying to situate herself more comfortably. It only served to make her feel more light headed. “Was followed.”
“And you didn't think to worry about that?” He demanded, stalking across the room towards the wall covered in shelves, cupboards, and cabinets. She found herself unable to answer, the energy it took to even open her mouth escaping her as her head swam and vision faded.

He was right there watching her as she awoke, her head still pounding though maybe even worse than before. Master scowled down at her from the end of the couch, arms crossed and a look about him that already meant trouble even if Remei had said nothing at all.
“Explain.” He commanded simply, not even shifting in the least bit.
Remei opened and closed her jaws a moment before speaking, face still feeling more swollen than it should have. “D-dont know how, was followed. Couldnt fight him, tried, but he left me for dead.”
“Left you.” Master repeated, finger tapping against his arm the only sign of annoyance. “That means he got away, doesnt it? That means there's someone out there that knows what you look like. It also would mean that if it werent for me you would be dead, once again.” His voice was harsh and strained, but never raised. Now he paced the expanse in front of the couch, glaring down at the floor almost mournfully. It did exactly as intended, tugging at Remei's conscience and causing her to grimace with self disappointment. She had failed him, she had known that much from the moment her assailant showed up with the gleaming smile and rapier in hand. It did not make the feeling any better though. She desperately wanted to make things right again, to at least earn some small bit of approval. That was all she had ever striven for, Master's approval. If she did not have that then Remei had practically nothing. Disappoint Master enough and she was liable to end up with exactly that.
“I can fix it.” She whispered, tempted to even sit up, though she knew the idea would do her more harm than good.
A small chuckle shook Master's strong shoulders, grimly amused smirk spreading across his face. “What makes you think I should trust you after that?”
Her heart sank all the lower. “Master, please!” She begged. It was enough to bring tears to her eyes, so desperate for him to be the slightest bit pleased with her. That, and perhaps the fact that she had sit up, causing her entire body to ache all the more.
“You rip those stitches I'm not fixing them.” He said before walking away, back to the dark alcove turned office. It only served to worry Remei more. He was ignoring her! With a determined grunt she stood, leaning against the couch's arm as she felt dizzy from the efforts. She quickly shuffled her way towards him any way, nearly collapsing on the back of his chair.
“Did you hear me?” Master asked angrily, glaring at her from over his shoulder. Of course she had, both now and before, but she ignored him for the moment any way. Squinting, Remei leaned farther forward, trying to read what he was writing. It was obvious he was trying to forge something, the writing style not at all like his usual one. “But that's my job.” She said, looking at him in confusion. As she looked further she realized the papers were stating that the murderer had been caught and hung in the next town over. “Why?” She asked.
That was not like Master, not unless there were special circumstances. He was much more straight froward than that. She would have expected him to have merely sent her out again to do away with the man who had caught her. The thought then occurred to her that Master now believed her incapable of it. Obviously, there had to be some small bit of trust garnered for her to be allowed to do the job for him, and now she had lost it. “Master, I could do it! I-”
“Are you trying to argue with me?” He asked, stopping in mid pen stroke to glare up at her once again. She instantly bit back what she was going to say, recognizing the warning in his tone all to well.
“B-but no one else will be t-talking about it, and he m-might recognize me.” Remei dared stammered after a moment. Of course Master would have thought of this, he was a genius in every meaning of the word, but Rentei still wanted to hear his answer.
“You dont think I thought of that?” He hissed, pushing back the shair as if he planned to chase her away. She certainly did not doubt he would. It half tempted her to retreat back to the couch, or her own corner of the room, and hide away under the blankets. “I-it would be easier if I-”
“If I let you back out there to do him in?” Master asked skeptically, getting out of the chair and turning to look at her. That was enough for Remei, she scurried away back to her corner of the room, curling up in the farthest corner she could. Master laughed coldly, slowly walking over to the table and collecting his pipe. “That's it.” He nodded slowly, cruel smile still plastered to his face. “You listen to me, girl. If I decide to let you ever see the light of day after all this, you'll be lucky. What would have happened if you led them back here, do you think? I would be the one swinging from the gallows, not you.” He sighed and sat there at the table, striking the match he had pulled from his coat pocket against the table top. “Might as well be you though, hrm? You wouldn't be anywhere without me.”
Remei mournfully stared down at the edge of her cot, his attempts at making her feel guilty working well. “Let me make it up to you.” She squeaked.
“We'll see...” Was all he said, continuing to ignore her as if she did not even exist.

An entire month she waited, though by the end of that first week Remei was sure she had lost practically everything. There were no jobs for her, Master practically ignoring her except when she was in his way.
“Are you feeling better?” Master finally asked at the end of that long month, watching her intently as she ate.
“Good as new.” She gave a small smile for emphasis, though it was a lie. The gash in her side was not quite healed yet, and did not appear to be doing so any time soon. It was trivial though, she could get by just fine the way she was, if only to earn some of Master's trust back.
He nodded slowly, still seeming to be trying to make up his mind.
“Do you have a job for me?” She asked curiously, now becoming hopeful that he really did.
His gaze hardened and Remei knew she should not have pushed her luck. “And what if I do?”
“I- I dont know, Master. I'm sorry.” She glared down at the table, angry at herself for even thinking of the question. If he had one for her he would tell her, none of her silly nagging would get it out of him any sooner than when Master decided.
“Here.” Taking paper's from inside his coat, Master slid them across the table. “I assume you know what to do with these.”
Remei nodded almost immediately, trying to keep herself from grinning. This was still murder, she still hated it, but Master had a job for her again. She had a purpose again.
She looked over the four papers; a couriers note to get past the gate, along with a sealed letter, if
that was not enough for anyone once she were in there were three other alibis to use.
The little silver time piece was once again pulled from his pockets, just like the day the insanity of murdering the sheriff had begun. “You have an hour.”
It hardly took that long for Remei to ready herself, putting on the appropriate clothes, gathering her knives from where Master had placed them and then waiting just as nervously as the first time.
Again she quietly slipped through the castle gates, quickly showing her paperwork and hoping it was good enough not to be stopped.
“Hold on.” The breath caught in her chest as the arm was held out to bar her way. She looked up worriedly at the guard, hoping it merely seemed she was in a hurry to finish her job. The guard handed the paper over to one of his comrades, watching a moment as he hurried away. “Just have to make sure it's all right and legal, you know. What with the murder and all.”
Remei nodded, though still not at all off guard. What if they discovered her papers were fake? All while she waited she worried, trying hard not to chew on her bottom lip. No one needed to know how she felt, as far as the guards were concerned she was just your average run of the will messenger.
“Hold on to her!” The sudden shout across the courtyard caused Remei to jump. She had no time to even think of running, strong hands clamped firmly around both of her arms. “Something's not right about the letter.”
The small gasp that escaped her lips could not be helped. Master did not fail and forging things, he was better at it than anyone, she was sure of that. But what had she done? Remei had hardly even touched the papers since being given them.
One of the men now coming towards her chuckled grimly. “Oh I know this one.” And Remei recognized him too. The same man who had run after her and nearly caused her death just last month. “Looks like we've caught the murderer.”




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Hey there! I liked this piece. The beginning was gripping and I liked how it was longer, but moved fast enough not to be boring. However, I have some nit picks. Most of them, from what I can tell, seem to be mistakes skipped over when you proofread.
Spoiler
craft's man should be craftsman
This tended to be a trend in your writing. When using dialogue, if you put a "he said" or "she said" afterwards, use a comma and not a period. Exampls: “Hrmph...” He growled should be "Hrmph..." he growled In this case, there wasn't a period, but the lower case is correct. The same thing happened in the next line: “Pathetic.” He mumbled "Pathetic," he mumbled.
Another thing I noticed is that you leave our pronouns sometimes. Occasionally this can work, but in some cases it sounds too choppy. Example: Remei opened and closed her jaws a moment before speaking, face still feeling more swollen than it should have. There should be a "her" after the comma and before "face."
I'm guessing that this was just skimmed over when you proofread: “You rip those stitches I'm not fixing them.” I think there should be an "and" in there somewhere. ;)
It was obvious he was trying to forge something, the writing style not at all like his usual one. Shouldn't there be a because in there...?
Remei dared stammered after a moment. This seems a little vague, and a tad confusing, on what she did. Did she stammer or dare...?
It half tempted her to retreat back to the couch, or her own corner of the room, and hide away under the blankets. It sounds a little... off. It could just be me, but I think she would sound better.
That was enough for Remei, she scurried away back to her corner of the room, curling up in the farthest corner she could. That was enough for Remei. The next part seems, again, a little confusing. Was it her corner, or the furthest one away from her master?
There were no jobs for her, Master practically ignoring her except when she was in his way. There were no jobs for her, and Master practically ignored her except for when she was in his way. I've noticed multiple sentences that are missing ands. Again, probably just skimmed over when proofreading.
It was trivial though, she could get by just fine the way she was, if only to earn some of Master's trust back. The comma should be before though and after trivial.

All in all, I liked it. It had some vague parts of the storyline, such as- why did the master want to kill whoever Remei did? What did the master do with his time, besides send Remei to kill people? It might be helpful to add something about this, or even allude to it, but other than that and the grammar things, I really liked this.
It was your world, Baby, and I just slipped in it.




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I love where you are taking this story! Just a few minor things, once again.

For one thing, I don't understand why the MC didn't tell Master that she had stabbed the man (Which is my understanding from the first chapter). It seems that, that would had gave her a little understanding from Master. And if she were sent out to get the man it could of made it easier to distinguish the man from other people, because he would have been injured.

"Remei opened and closed her jaws a moment before speaking, face still feeling more swollen than it should have." It seems your missing a pronoun here and there through out the story. For example you should put a Her before face in this sentence.

" "If I let you back out there to do him in?” Master asked skeptically, getting out of the chair and turning to look at her. That was enough for Remei," I don't really understand this sentence. What was enough for Remei? I think you should be a little more descriptive.

Last I love the world that you are trying to create but I think you should describe it just a little bit more, like what did the castle or home look like that Master and Remei stayed in? What day and age is this all set in?

But all in all I think its a good concept! Keep writing!
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
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Dun Dun DUN! --Busted.

----

Nothing was working, everything felt like she had been welded to the floor by some master craft's man and even her vision blurred.
I don't like this bit. I don't know why but it just bugs me, I think it's because it disrupts the flow of the story, and you've already explained that nothing was working before.

Next thing I have to say is that at bits of this you rush the story, maybe you're trying to fill out a certain quota but I don't think it suits your style of writing. Also I don't like your MC's submissiveness it's getting a bit annoying, I think at times it's good for her to be defiant. It's simple human behavior and if defiance is out of the question I think she should have unsavoury thoughts towards him -be erm... a bit peeved at him nonetheless.

Other than these three things- i think- I love this piece. I'd like to see more of it :D

Hope this helped,

Anger :D
Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

Anton Chekov



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