Kay-as

So, I think this is narrative poetry. Maybe. It tells a story, but it's more abstract, I think. Anyway...hope you enjoy.

///

Thereabouts we flee,
Whereabouts we run,
Faster, faster—
Towards light.
We embraced the night—
And every eclipse we were dealt,
But now we’re done.
Horrors wrought never to be awoke again.
Daylight glory—
Means never worry.
Faster, faster.
Speeding! Pacing! Racing!
Night, light, stars and moon,
Sun, hazing;
Days blazing.
We’re through.
Faster!
Yet, we have begun.
‘Daylight glory means never worry’, correct?
New world—
Tables turned.
Life begins with a thrash.
Grim daylight!
What about the night?
The night where no one can see your tears, your fears?
Better, worse?
Faster.
Is it true only in the daylight you can see the filth?
Memoriam!
Daylight lends humanity,
Light and love bound.
Am I human?
Yes? No?
Faster.
Flurry of lights,
Lights that lend the crash.
Smash! Slash! Flash!
Game over?
Russet trails,
Feeling has escaped.
Game over.

Wow! My first impression of this was a really good one; you built up the pace really well with the short snippy lines, and I found myself getting caught up in the drama that you were creating through the way you wrote it.

It has a really good feel of spontaneity, haste, excitement and confusion all at once - I love the mix of emotion you put in, and the use of questions was awesome

The only bit I didn't quite understand was the words with dashes in the middle - I could only guess that this was intended to make it more fractured etc. but I think that kind of thing would work better when read aloud - it breaks the flow when it's just as text. Maybe this was your intention but I don't think it adds much to the poem, and you would still keep the sense of internal conflict if the fragmented words weren't in it.

Overall I love it love it love it and adore the way you can create such intense emotions in such a small time

That was fantablousness! I swear, I literally felt my heart speeding up. the tempo adds to that, the word choice, the structure.. it all played nicely into your emotional build up.that was brilliant. just one question... what is this about?

Hey there, Cspr!

You have a good poem here, I like how you write and how you combine words to attract readers' attention.

Here are my favourite parts:

Thereabouts we flee,
Whereabouts we run,
Faster, faster--
Towards light.

Horrors wrought never to be awoke again.
Daylight glory--

Night, light, stars and moon,
Sun, hazing;
Days blazing.

wow, i really liked this and I'm not going to dare to mess with it because I like it the way it is. It's so random but makes sense at the same time. Do you get what I mean? Great job : )