Young Writers Society

Fragrance beauty,
tender red,
dews that make a crystal bed,
on these soft petals,
of a rose,
The flower that I long adore.

Hmmm... I like the rhyme and the simplicity. Structurally too many commas methinks, maybe -

Fragrance beauty:
tender red,

in lines 3-5 because of the run-on it is hard to decifer the message and imagery through the words. I suggest breaking them up.

But otherwise I like it .

Hope this helps, CL.

Interesting; short but sweet, as they say.

It's a little hard to critique a piece that's got so little to write about, but that's alright all pieces have their merits and shortcomings.

Fragrance beauty,

So, this first line: very nice sounding, but - did you actually mean "fragrance"? After all, that doesn't make good grammatical sense. You can leave it like that if you feel it means something, but normally you would expect to see "Fragrant beauty" instead.

My suggestion for rhythm is just to get rid of the commas on the third and fouth lines, and to change that comma on the fifth line to a semi-colon.

Anyway, nice little moment of feeling is the emoticon at the end intentional? It kind of takes away from the vibe, in my opinion.

short, sweet, beautiful. listen to bob - he's the king of rhythm.

intresting but too many commas but its good