Young Writers Society

Around the bends, sweeping through vexexex
-ations, a shadow/y influx of air/current/shaft
of light and x-ray, radiate, radiates, radiations
and quasars breaking the cosmic ∞ map and
horizons in (?) time^3 and space and invisual,
invisible antimatter, theories and e-vibrations
at the quantum level=firepower found in nuke
lei, yet still the events occur, lacked, hacked,
at the dark side of the moon/dust on the zen
and zeniths of wavelengths found (!) in the
cerebral cortex>palsy and synthetic micro
biology and electro (symbiotic) magnetism,
for when something is (emulated) in the single
arity of your mind, mea culpa, mea/mea cul-

Ehhh.

Kaf, this is stuck in itself.

First, don't block text it. Next, you need to illustrate the concept with more than linguistic symbols and random characters (or allusions). Oh and the spellings with enjambment at beginning of the next...I feel it's too forced to mean anything to me. I think you're experimenting, but this is rough, as in draft.

Take a step back and divide this into two things. Doesn't matter what. Then see what the relation is.

It's ok to obfuscate, but don't get drunk. I'd give a longer review, but I'm not sure that will help.

hi,

Uhhh.. I can say that I haven't seen anything like this so far.. Um, it confused me.. Very much actually. Sorry for the shortness, but um I have no idea what to say really.

~Shorty

I'm not sure what you were going for here, maybe the thoughts of a breaking down machine? The idea itself was sort of cool, but now it seems as if you're just throwing "long" words together and then pressing keys half-randomly. I think there's something underneath all this, so I'd say you should polish this layer by layer until you hit that something.

Sorta confused,
|Life|

I quite like your poetry and understood this to an extent, as I'm a physics student of sorts. This randomness is your style and you should keep it this way. I generally agree with the people above me, it needs a bit more connecting material, but it's still a great poem. But never the less i suggest you branch out a bit. Great work! Will be waiting for the next poem!

I liked this. It was fun and entertained me. I'm not sure if you had a point behind it but none the less it made me smile when i read it smoothly.

Okay. I'm sorry-- gonna review both, don't worry. But I wanted to leave a short note on this one first.

First, I think that what you were going for is both an interesting and nice idea, but the over-structuring becomes distracting at this magnitude. Tone it down a little. Let us follow you, and understand WHY the structuring there, and WHAT in the world is going on.
Aside from the formatting, excellent vocabulary-- I think it's the sound of the words that I really like in this. Nice job on that. Just work on making it legible/coherent.

Agree with Coral.
For me it's not so much confusing (I'm perfectly aware with the fact that I don't understand the poem, but I'm not confused.. if that makes sense to you) as it is, like Coral said, distracting with all of the over-structuring. But I won't go on preaching about what you've already heard.
Overall, though, good write, as usual. And sorry for such a short review. I'm hella tired.

I don't really know what to make of this, and you say my poem doesn't make sense, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, but maybe I am just not deep enough to understand what's going on here. Anyway, yeah.

I've been meaning to take a look at your poetry. Scared yet? I'll keep this short because I'm tired.

This seems oh-so-very gimmicky to me. Crammed to the point of bursting with generally useless symbols. This looks like you decided to do your math/physics homework as you wrote a poem.
This poem, despite it portraying your aptness at using symbols in poetry gave me nothing but a headache (also made me more anxious for my math test tomorrow, jeez)

Math and science are to be honest, my favourite topics to work with particularly science (astronomy), though I'm not particularly well versed in the use of symbols.I will admit you know how to use them rather well, the majority of them worked in really well in the poem.

The issue you here is you have a pretty piece of paper here with letters and symbols, but when the reader searches deeper the meaning is lost, and when they reach the end of the poem it's quickly forgotten because despite your ability to be technical there's nothing all that interesting about it. You've drowned your own poem at this point, digging yourself a hole and filling it up with dirt divided into fractions.

Symbols, think about them. Only use them where it would be the most effective, which is really quite difficult when it quickly becomes gimmicky. This could very well be an experiment, but in which case I'm not sure what you were trying to achieve. Either way this poem remains rather weak and dull.

Simplify the extra stuff, focus on the literary aspect, that's where you'll find places to improve the most, that way next time you do something like this, it'll be much stronger.

Kamas