I'm Here, Always

The title isn't really a "title", it's more meant to be fit into the poem. Please explain to me all your thoughts. Tell me whatever meanings or emotions you get from this. I don't think it will take you too long to figure out all this(what it's for... ). Hint: It's not supposed to be angst-y. Point out the spots you think are, I want to fix that.
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I'm Sorry.

If I had to say it to somebody, it would be you.
Everyone else calls themself a friend,
but, why can't they comprehend?
Who I am?
I've been around them longer, and yet,
they don't understand.
They get mad at my ramblings and throw me away.

Even though you think I'm stupid, just like the others;
oblivious,
to the thoughts, the words;
I'm still human.
They hurt me as much as they have hurt you.

You did your best at avoidance,
I wasn't trash, just a little worn out and old.
I'm sorry for what I said to you--
Perhaps I violated you--
not to the others.

You've pulled through it all,
I don't think I can make it.
You kept strong,
and that's what I need.

All I ask for is a friend.
Someone with whom to confide.
But, perhaps I should just go,
maybe it would be better?

Remember, I am always here, and sorry for what I did.

oh god...!!! this so much like something i am feeling!!! I can totally relate!!! Even I have dear friend I have said a thousand sorries to but she won't listen..... I love your poem...because it says what I have been saying to her for god knows how many days...and i think i know why you chose this title....it fits very nicely.....

Hey Shadow, I'll review this for you. ^^

Fist off, you probably don't want harsh crits, so sorry if this comes off as such. (I'm medium-harsh when it comes to reviews. It doesn't mean that I didn't like the poem by any means, it just means that I found areas where there's room for improvement.)

First thing's first is that I really can sympathize with you in this area. However, the poem could use a bit of something else. Right now, it mostly sounds like some angsty thing used as a vent to whine about how awful life is. Usually, I would have more tolerance for this, but I've been hearing a lot of 'My life sucks!' comments - and my tolerance has been slowly stripped away.

So, my best advice would be to take the emotion your feeling and find ways to describe it. Add a bit of drama, but not too much. Imagery is key, and if you don't want to sound like a whiny little kid, it's a very, very useful tool. Now, the problem I see all too often with attempts at good imagery is cliches. Avoid those at all costs. (In other words, descriptions that you're used to reading in-print - avoid them. Twist them if you will, but fresh imagery is what people look for in poetry.)

Another thing is that this is such an old topic. There are thousands upon thousands of poems written by tweens and teens about how much they hate their friends, their lives or their ex girlfriends/boyfriends. That's all understandable, but it's getting old. If you're going to write about it, you're going to have to add twists to it and make it your own.

Now, there are some things that I did like about this.

For starters:

ShadowKnight155 wrote:I wasn't trash, just a little worn out and old.

I liked that line - quite a lot either. You started with a cliche (comparing oneself or another to trash ), but you managed to add a bit of a twist to it at the end. I liked it.

Also, there were areas in here that made us realize how you were feeling, and pulled out a pinch of sympathy rather than, "Oh look, there goes another kid who thinks life is a terrible, horrible thing."

So, it was okay as far as my standards go, but it could use work. (Most things can. Don't feel to bad about that. xD)

~~Cass

I like it, it's something almost everyone could relate to but... It's missing something and some stanzas were hard for me to comprehend, which just might be me but I don't know. Otherwise, good job!

Okay, so you wanted me to come again, so I will. xD This definitely won't be a long review, though, so I apologize in advance.

You said that you've fixed a few lines, and I'll admit that it seems to be a bit better. There are, however a few lines that make me want to roll my eyes a little bit. I'll quote them for you if you want.

ShadowKnight155' wrote:but, why can't they comprehend?
Who I am?

Nyeh. "They don't understand me!" is an old story. True, perhaps, but everybody lives with that at some point. In poetry, those two lines are old. Variations of those lines are whiny. Variations of variations of those lines sound like angst-ridden melodrama.

ShadowKnight155 wrote:Even though you think I'm stupid, just like the others;

I suppose that this line isn't too bad, but I didn't like it the first time I read the poem, either. It was a little... dull. It sounds like a child walking up to their parent or their friend after they forbid or correct something and say, "What?! You think I'm stupid or something!?" or... something along those lines. It bugs me little.

Otherwise, the rest of the poem is still pretty decent. It could still use some tweaking, but it's definitely improved since the last time I read it.

~~Cass

This is a nice, heartfelt poem! This actually reminds me of a former friend of mine! To tell you the truth, you've inspired me slightly to perhaps write an apology-like poem to this particular ex-friend!

I liked this stanza the most:

"You did your best at avoidance,
I wasn't trash, just a little worn out and old.
I'm sorry for what I said to you--
Perhaps I violated you--
not to the others."

Keep it up!