Love is Just a Cruel form of Hate

Author's note:

Spoiler

I apologise but this is rather soppy and "typical teen". Get through it best you can.

The feeling stands
Determined upon frail limbs;
Its casing unshelled,
Naked,
Bare,
Unrequited.

Nothing can come of something
When so falsified in its return;
And the power hope once possessed
Is stained and blinded by love’s ways.

The sense in your mind
Foreshadows the curtain coming to its close;
Yet the heart’s now
Wounded limbs wrench and beg
For a final few seconds encore.

The seconds are the hardship;
One occupied by whimpers,
Swimming upon scarred wounds;
Our greatest casualty
Remains our hearts…

And our pain eases with years.



Some quotes (by me) to go with:

“My poetry is broken because it seeps from a wounded heart.”

“The art of true love is not dying; it is the art of requited love that is fading so.”

“When a beautiful girl robs you of your heart, there is little you can do but hope she will return hers in exchange.”

hey there,
wow this is very intellectual.I like it. Bravo! I love your quotes.
Keep it up!
xxx Upile xxx

Hey, I'm Amie and I'll be your reviewer today...

First off you seem so young to be writing poetry like this - so emotional and mature, not 'typical teen' at all.

Second to last line you have 'heats' which I'm guessing is supposed to be 'hearts' ??

"Is stained and blinded by love’s ways." I think you could put something better than 'ways' though I can't think of what exactly right now.

I love love love the encore part - brilliant.


Really enjoyed this, keep up the good work!

BenFranks wrote:The feeling stands
Determined upon frail limbs; The line break makes this phrase sound strange when, if the line break were to be relocated, it could sound find.
Its casing unshelled,
Naked,
Bare, "Naked" and "bare" mean the same thing.
Unrequited.

Nothing can come of something
When so falsified in its return; In its return? Not sure what this is supposed to mean.
And the power hope once possessed
Is stained and blinded by love’s ways.

The sense in your mind Not sure about "sense."
Foreshadows the curtain coming to its close; Curtains don't "come to their close." They close. How about "foreshadows the curtain's close."
Yet the heart’s now
Wounded limbs wrench and beg
For a final few seconds encore. These last three lines just sound like a bunch of words thrown together in an attempt at making sense. Organize them a bit.

The seconds are the hardship;
One occupied by whimpers, One...second? I dunno about this.
Swimming upon scarred wounds;
Our greatest casualty
Remains our heats… Huh? Heats? Not sure what you mean by this. At least make it singular: the singular verb combined and the plural noun in the same line is disorienting.

And our pain eases with years.

Great job. Like the imagery and the word choice. Keep up the good work.

-Kafka

I do mean hearts, my apologies.

Hello BFranks!

Well, this is a powerful poem. The imageries you have used are quite refreshing, and the pacing is not that distracted. One thing though, I think your focusing more on making your poem 'poetical'- and of course this is a poem- but sometimes, it starts to overcome the message the speaker is trying to convey. That's just in my opinion.

Overall, this is a good poem. I don't really much negative things to say. Grammars are correct and so are your punctuations.
And let me know if you have any questions. Keep writing.

Peace out,
Yuri

I am in agreement with above comments. This is a very powerful poem, filled with sorrow and biting truth. I know that exact feeling, and I do disagree with your spoiler. Anyone who writes this deep and fills their work with truth is not typical, and this type of poetry is not the typical angst ridden teen poem that so many write (a few of us on here included). I was thoroughly impressed by this poem. Keep writing like this.

Thank you for your thoughts!