Old musketeer

Oh small child of mine do you hear,
The old stories of that one musketeer?
How he fought and battled his way in war.
And how the tales he told were never a bore.
He caught a bull with his bare hands.
And how people would always do his commands.
His fame and glory made him blunt,
his answer to anything was a small grunt.
The people all got tired of the air head banshee,
So they took him up, and threw him in the sea.

Hello!

I'd say this is pretty good for not being a poetry person. I loved the story; it was a very creative idea. You did very well on rhyming and fluency, also.

However, the rhyme is a little forced in some places, such as "bore" and "commands", which are not bad forces, but are still not quite right.

How he fought and battled his way in war
And how the tales he told were never a bore
He caught a bull with his bare hands
And how people would always do his commands

Also, the third line in the above quote doesn't settle right in the midst of all the "How he"'s at the beginnings of lines.

Any time he was talked to all he would do was grunt

I though you said he used to tell really good stories??

Anyways, I think you could tweak the beginnings and ends of some lines, but the base of the poem is not bad at all!

-Lili

helloo!!
I like this poem! Love the story in it!

Oh small child of mine do you hear
The old stories of that one musketeer
How he fought and battled his way in war
And how the tales he told were never a bore
He caught a bull with his bare hands
And how people would always do his commands maybe 'listen to his commands' will sound better
His fame and glory made him blunt
Any time he was talked to all he would do was grunt
The people all got tired of the air head banshee
So they took him up and threw him in the sea Love this last sentence!

nice rhyme!!
-qaralynn-