What I See Behind the Masquerade (Intro)

Before you continue reading this you should know that this piece isn't a novel nor a sequence of short strories, but more a written interpretation of the world I inhabit. One might even consider it to be a diary though you should bear in mind that the characters in it merely resemble the people I am relating to in real life and that this 'diary' is not one I keep securely locked from those who can't bare the temptation to read it so may you be free of guilt when you indulge yourself in the twisted storyline. May I also add that not all events that occurr are direct from personal experiences however I'm sure you will be able to correlate with them in some way as they will be possibilities and examples of my accounts in amongst society. Although my writing ability and vocabulary choices will possibly, at times, seem as though I am in 3rd grade, I hope I will be able to capture the hidden drama that has erupted since beginning Year 10. As you read, I will feel as though my writing is a success if I present you with interesting ideas and thought-provoking concepts on how teenagers interact with one-another amid a seemingly demanding world. Thankyou if you have kept up with me this far and it would be wonderful if you wish to follow my 'dairy.' I hope you enjoy it if you do!

hey there
I'm confused a bit here. there are no grammatical mistakes but I'm confused because is it you talking or your character? i know sometimes both are one but please clarify which is which.
xxx Upile xxx

I agree with Upile; is this part of the actual story? I'm just going to treat it like it is and give a critique.

First off, you've got some run-on sentences, like this:

One might even consider it to be a diary though you should bear in mind that the characters in it merely resemble the people I am relating to in real life and that this 'diary' is not one I keep securely locked from those who can't bare the temptation to read it so may you be free of guilt when you indulge yourself in the twisted storyline.

Yikes. Kind of long and drawn out, don't you think? If you were to try to read it aloud, I think you'd find yourself running out of breath. Slow the pace down, give it a little more time, and punctuate; commas, semicolons, and periods are there for a reason!

Second, I wouldn't mention the fact that you think your writing sounds like a third grader's; now the readers, instead of just enjoying the story and drawing their own conclusions from the tale, will be expecting to see words that are simple and easy, and it just is not necessary for your work. Let the reader decide how he or she interprets your writing, whether he or she feels like it's younger or older or whatever else. Don't give any expectations, especially when they're not exactly uplifting.

Well, that's all I've really got to say. Please PM me if you've got any questions or whatnot; cheers! (: