Death's Embrace

Well, I wrote this in like five minutes a really long time ago... I haven't posted anything in a while so I dug this up.

Death's Embrace


I stared into dark eyes,
As I drifted into a lifeless state.
I looked death face to face,
as I fell into his strong embrace.

I closed my dark eyes,
As I was rushed to my fate.
I couldn't look at her face to face,
As she clung to me in strong embrace.

I stared into her baby blue eyes,
As she washed away the hate.
But Death and I both agree,
that now it's far too late.

As Death watches you, at close eye,
he waits for you to slowly die.
With my flowers in your hand, I watch you cry,
and wait for you to stand at my side.

Hi! I got a mental image of a woman holding onto a lifeless body of a man at the railway tracks. That's how my brain pieced your poem together, anyway.

Didn't find any errors in this, except for

I closed my dark eyes,
As I was rushed to my fate.
I couldn't look at her face to face,
As she clung to me in strong embrace.

I stared into her baby blue eyes,
As she washed away the hate.

I closed my dark eyes and I couldn't look at her face to face, I stared into her baby blue eyes,
As she washed away the hate. I picked out these few lines, because they're contradictory. Perhaps you'd like to edit this a little bit?

Well, all in all, this is a good piece. I like that I can easily visualize the scene. Keep writing!

This is quite a dramatic piece, a lot of rhyming. But it's effective, a picture formulates in my mind which is great because that essentially means I get it.
Good work.

Thanks, both of you for the reviews. : )

There is nothing not to like.. It is absolutely true of how life slips away while there is hardly anything to safe..
You wrote in five minutes? Really? You've gotta be a lot talented! Its more than unusual of how you use simple words and communicate beautiful unexplained things.. Keep it on..

: D Thank you. I think you've now officially made my day. : )

Loved, loved, loved, loved the title.
I can not say enough how awesome it is and it suits the poem perfectly too!
The first stanza was my favourite.
The way you illustrated the scene was also amazing: the baby blue eyes, the flowers in her hand, it's a beautiful poem.

Thank you so much! : D