One Year Social Experiment of a Teenager Chapt. 1

“You’re wrong,” I told my friend, Jamie, as we sat down at our table in the cafeteria. “You can’t feign love. It has to be felt.”
“It’s been scientifically proven that chocolate can cause the same feeling as love,” she replied. “Look it up.”
“No, because if I look it up I know you’ll be right. I think I’ll stick to my own science, thank you.”
“Suit yourself.” She shrugged as she looked at the back of her juice box. “This has way too much sugar in it.”
“If chocolate causes the same feeling as love, then why don’t we all just eat chocolate all the time and marry whoever?”
“Because the meaning of life is to love,” Jamie replied.
“Then why was chocolate invented?” I asked quizzically.
“Because no one knows that the meaning of life is to love.”
“Then how do you know?”
“Please, we all know I’m smarter than the average human,” Jamie said with a smile.
“But even smart people can’t know the meaning of life. Only God knows.”
“Do you believe in God?”
I cocked my head and bit my lip in thought. “Sometimes, it depends.”
“You either do or you don’t.”
“Fine, I do.”
“Then yes, only God knows the meaning of life.”
“Then why don’t you answer my first question?”
“What was your first question again?” she asked.
“I don’t remember.” We sat in silence for a while; eating our lunch until Nellie-May walked up to our table with a pitying look on her face.
“I wish there was no such things as freaks, then we might actually be able to get along,” she said with a phony voice. I rolled my eyes.
“I wish there was no such thing as you, then your so-called friends might actually be happy,” Jamie retorted. Nellie-May gave a sneer as she strode off to her own table.
“Geez, I wish she would just stay away from us for once.” I nodded in agreement and scowled as Nellie-May swung her hips around, trying to be sexy. She was no doubt the meanest girl in our year, but she was good-looking and kind of slutty, so it was no wonder everyone knew who she was.
I often thought that she got all of her lame attempts at meanness off Libby from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. She is yet to prove me wrong.
“Yo, Ellie!” It was Dennis, my second best friend. He was kind of dorky, with short red hair and glasses like Sam Sparrow.
“Hey, Dennis, what’s up?” He shrugged and his eyes lingered on my face a little longer than necessary.
“The sky, I guess, maybe some planets, a roof, the usual.” I rolled my eyes at the old joke, but Jamie giggled, flipping her light brown hair over her shoulder and fluttering her eyelashes. I rolled my eyes again.
“Hey, calm down, Rolly,” he joked, causing me to roll my eyes yet a third time.
“Dammit!” I cursed under my breath. Rolling my eyes was a habit I was trying to give up. Dennis laughed at me. I glared at him. We were interrupted by a disgusted “Ugh,” by Jamie.
“You can’t honestly tell me you’re feeling sick after just a juice,” I said, giving her a look.
“It’s not that, look over there.”
I followed her gaze to find Nellie-May pushing John against a wall, trying to flirt with him. I repeated Jamie’s “Ugh,” but followed it with an eye roll.
“That’s four in the past two minutes. I might start ticketing you.” I gave him another glare.
“Actually, she rolled her eyes once before you came,” Jamie added. This earned herself a glare from me.
“You may need to cut back on the glaring, too.”
John was tall, dark and handsome; definitely the best looking guy in our year. Nellie-May pushed her finger up and down his chest, but he was trying to get away.
“They’re not going to get together,” Jamie said knowingly. “He’s still hung up on his ex, and she’s still hung up on him.” I knew it was true, and so did everybody else. It was sort of like a TV show, where everyone knows they’re going to get together, but they continue to build on the tension for a few more seasons before they finally hook up and it’s the end of the show. It did seem like they were doing it on purpose.
“Is that scientific or just a fact?” I asked. I thought I knew the answer, but I had to ask anyway.
“Just a fact. Even chocolate couldn’t make those two love each other the way they do.” Okay, I totally wasn’t expecting that last part. Jamie almost never admits she’s wrong, particularly not when she’d just been arguing the point five minutes ago. I glanced over to where John and Nellie-May had been and saw that Nellie-May had an irritated look on her face and her two ‘friends’ were trying to comfort her. I smirked, realizing she’d just been rejected.
“Anyway, I’m bored and this lunch tastes awful,” Jamie said, taking a bite of an apple. “Let’s go do something.”

this was so good (: wait theres goin to be more chapters right? There better be !

smashles wrote:“You’re wrong,” I told my friend, Jamie, as we sat down at our table in the cafeteria. “You can’t feign love. It has to be felt.”
“It’s been scientifically proven that chocolate can cause the same feeling as love,” she replied. “Look it up.”
“No, because if I look it up I know you’ll be right. I think I’ll stick to my own science, thank you.”
“Suit yourself.” She shrugged as she looked at the back of her juice box. “This has way too much sugar in it.”
“If chocolate causes the same feeling as love, then why don’t we all just eat chocolate all the time and marry whoever?”
“Because the meaning of life is to love,” Jamie replied.
“Then why was chocolate invented?”
“Because no one knows that the meaning of life is to love.”
“Then how do you know?”
“Please, we all know I’m smarter than the average human.”
“But even smart people can’t know the meaning of life. Only God knows.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Sometimes, it depends.”
“You either do or you don’t.”
“Fine, I do.”
“Then yes, only God knows the meaning of life.”
“Then why don’t you answer my first question?”
“What was your first question again?”
“I don’t remember.” We sat in silence for a while; eating our lunch until Nellie-May walked up to our table with a pitying look on her face.
“I wish there was no such things as freaks, then we might actually be able to get along,” she said with a phony voice. I rolled my eyes.
“I wish there was no such thing as you, then your so-called friends might actually be happy,” Jamie retorted. Nellie-May gave a sneer as she strode off to her own table.
“Geez, I wish she would just stay away from us.” I nodded in agreement. Nellie-May had been my arch enemy since pre-school, when she crushed my sandcastle in a sand war. She had given me several reasons to hate her since then, but I was yet to do anything for her to hate me. She was no doubt the meanest girl in our year, but she was, as much as I hate to admit it, good-looking and kind of slutty, so it was no wonder everyone knew who she was.
I often thought that she got all of her lame attempts at meanness off Libby from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. She is yet to prove me wrong.
“Yo, Ellie!” It was Dennis, my second best friend. He was kind of dorky, with short red hair and glasses like Sam Sparrow. At the risk of sounding up myself, I knew that Dennis had been in love with me since grade five. I only really saw him as a friend, but Jamie liked him more than that. It was our own little friendship love triangle.
“Hey, Dennis, what’s up?” He shrugged.
“The sky, I guess. Maybe some planets, a roof, the usual.” I rolled my eyes at the old joke, but Jamie giggled, flipping her light brown hair over her shoulder and fluttering her eyelashes. I rolled my eyes again.
“Hey, calm down, Rolly,” he joked, causing me to roll my eyes yet a third time.
“Dammit!” I cursed under my breath. Rolling my eyes was a habit I was trying to give up. Dennis laughed at me. I glared at him. We were interrupted by a disgusted “Ugh,” by Jamie.
“You can’t honestly tell me you’re feeling sick after just a juice,” I said, giving her a look.
“It’s not that, look over there.”
I followed her gaze to find Nellie-May pushing John against a wall, trying to flirt with him. I repeated Jamie’s “Ugh,” but followed it with an eye roll.
“That’s four in the past two minutes. I might start ticketing you.” I gave him another glare.
“Actually, she rolled her eyes once before you came,” Jamie added. This earned herself a glare from me.
“You may need to cut back on the glaring, too.”
John was the guy I liked, and apparently Nellie-May’s next target. Even though I liked him, I knew he would never be mine because he was totally and utterly still in love with his ex, Cassie, who I knew liked him back and it was a complete mystery why they broke up and why they’re not back together yet. But high school is frustrating like that.
“They’re going to get back together,” Jamie said knowingly, reading my thoughts. I knew it was true, and so did everybody else. It was sort of like a TV show, where everyone knows they’re going to get together, but they continue to build on the tension for a few more seasons before they finally hook up and it’s the end of the show. It did seem like they were doing it on purpose.
“Is that scientific or just a fact?” I asked. I thought I knew the answer, but I had to ask anyway.
“Just a fact. Even chocolate couldn’t make those two love each other the way they do.” Okay, I totally wasn’t expecting that last part. Jamie almost never admits she’s wrong, particularly not when she’d just been arguing the point five minutes ago. I glanced over to where John and Nellie-May had been and saw that Nellie-May had an irritated look on her face and her two ‘friends’ were trying to comfort her. I smirked, realizing she’d just been rejected.
“Anyway, I’m bored and this lunch tastes awful,” Jamie said, taking a bite of an apple. “Let’s go do something.”

It's funny
I don't know what's going to happen so that's good
I don't like the name Dennis, but John is cool
The End

Hey smashles!

So I saw this and wondered why it rang a bell in a far corner of my brain and then I realised that I'd reviewed the prologue So I'm here to look chapter one over for you

1. Nit-piks -

“Then why was chocolate invented?”
“Because no one knows that the meaning of life is to love.”
“Then how do you know?”
“Please, we all know I’m smarter than the average human.”
“But even smart people can’t know the meaning of life. Only God knows.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Sometimes, it depends.”
“You either do or you don’t.”
“Fine, I do.”
“Then yes, only God knows the meaning of life.”
“Then why don’t you answer my first question?”
“What was your first question again?”

Okay, the dialogue you have here is good. It's believable. The only way you could make it better would to be to add some directions/actions to some of it. At the moment, it's a little boring because you don't break it up - it's just like one long conversation. Maybe try adding in some descriptions of characters or describe the way they say things. You don't have to go to town on the adjectives or verbs - 'said' is always the way to go to keep from distracting the reader away from what is actually being said in the coversation - but it would add some life and colour into the story.

E.g -
'I raised an eyebrow. “Then why was chocolate invented?”
“Because no one knows that the meaning of life is to love.”
“Then how do you know?”
“Please, we all know I’m smarter than the average human,” Jamie said with a smile.
“But even smart people can’t know the meaning of life. Only God knows.”
“Do you believe in God?”
I leaned back in my chair and bit my lip in thought. “Sometimes, it depends.”
“You either do or you don’t.”
“Fine, I do.”
“Then yes, only God knows the meaning of life.”
“Then why don’t you answer my first question?”
“What was your first question again?” she asked.'

The bold parts are only suggestions, but I think adding more in would help to break up the dialogue a bit.

Nellie-May had been my arch enemy since pre-school, when she crushed my sandcastle in a sand war. She had given me several reasons to hate her since then, but I was yet to do anything for her to hate me. She was no doubt the meanest girl in our year, but she was, as much as I hate to admit it, good-looking and kind of slutty, so it was no wonder everyone knew who she was.

Showing vs Telling. I'm really bad at doing this too, but I think this paragraph is a little bit too info-dumpish. I guessed straight away that Nellie-May was going to be a 'mean girl' so I don't really think it's necessary to write that whole paragraph. Maybe show us through dialogue and the way the characters act towards each other that they don't get along rather than coming right out and telling us like you have here. Try something like -

'“Geez, I wish she would just stay away from us for once.” I nodded in agreement.'

This gives the reader the impression that Nellie-May is a constant pain to your MC and her friends.

You do too much telling here as well -

It was Dennis, my second best friend. He was kind of dorky, with short red hair and glasses like Sam Sparrow. At the risk of sounding up myself, I knew that Dennis had been in love with me since grade five. I only really saw him as a friend, but Jamie liked him more than that. It was our own little friendship love triangle.

Show us that Dennis likes your MC. Have her catch him looking at her. Touch her arm etc The same with Jamie liking Dennis. You do a good job of showing that she likes him here -

but Jamie giggled, flipping her light brown hair over her shoulder and fluttering her eyelashes.

It doesn't have to all be in this chapter - you have a whole story to communicate to the reader that there's a love triangle. Don't give the whole plot away in the first chapter - keep the reader guessing. They'll enjoy taking the journey with your characters a lot more if they're guessing throughout the whole story.

John was the guy I liked, and apparently Nellie-May’s next target. Even though I liked him, I knew he would never be mine because he was totally and utterly still in love with his ex, Cassie, who I knew liked him back and it was a complete mystery why they broke up and why they’re not back together yet. But high school is frustrating like that.

Same here ^

2. Overall impressions -

Okay, so this wasn't bad. You write well and the piece has a clear plot. I'd just like to see you showing a lot more than telling. I'd like to see you using more descriptions as well. Let the reader use their senses and it'll make the world you've created come to life. It seems a little flat at the moment - I want to hear the sounds of the lunchroom, smell the food, see the expressions on your characters faces.

One thing that really stuck out to me was your MC. Does she have a name? I don't think I read it at all in the piece. A name is the most basic thing your character should have. I'd suggest adding her name in during the conversation at the start of the piece.

I want to read on. The prologue promised a story that wasn't the average book a teenager would read - about a normal teenagers life without the exaggerations. I'm looking forward to finding out what your MC gets up to

Hope this review helps!

xDudettex

Okay, so just finished the review of your prologue and now I'm here, and I've got to say this is pretty good. The only problem is that you're lacking the stuff outside of the dialogue. Because you're in first person anyway, just fill it in a little more with actions and the opinions she kind of keeps to herself. Too much dialogue makes it choppy and unrealistic, as well as confusing at times. Clean this up and this'll be a solid work.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver