The Face of Fear

I call, I scream, I shout a name.
But who can I trust, just who can I blame?
My burden so heavy, my heart unsecure.
I'm sick of this now,how much shall I endure?
Yes, I fear for my life, for my sickness uncured.
These people they watch, they point, and they laugh.
For where has it gone, that joy I once had?
Replaced by fear, the cold end, the mean
I feel that I'm stuck, trapped in a horror scene.
But fear, cold fear, what can I say?
I stare into the face of it everyday.

Great poem! I would love to know what inspired this?

Hey Writer97,

Great poem! I loved the rhyming in this and you captured its theme really well. Improvements? Divide you poem into two stanzas (or verses), this will make it just that little bit neater. Also, change unsecure to insecure. But I loved the emotion and feeling in this and the ending line fit perfectly!

Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

It definitely fits the dramatic criteria, very gripping. i like the rhythm it definitely pulls the reader in. I can feel what this poem is saying.

Hi!
Wow, this was really amazing.
You have such a nice, creative way of writing and I really enjoyed it.
This poem was so discriptive and I really liked the rhyme sceme.
I thought it was brilliant...
except for one thing.
The length. I felt that you could write a little bit more.
Perhaps that means that I was really hooked and wanted more?
But can you blame me?!?!
Good job, I really enjoyed it!
Thank you for posting this wonderful poem!

I love it. *likes* It's awesome... just saying. xD

Writer97 wrote:I call, I scream, I shout a name. Meh. Not sure I like the last part.
But who can I trust, just who can I blame? I think the "just" needs to be tossed for another word.
My burden so heavy, my heart unsecure.First part's cliched.
I'm sick of this now,how much shall I endure? Like you can decide this. That's what it sounds like.
Yes, I fear for my life, for my sickness uncured. For your life? I think that's a bit much.
These people they watch, they point, and they laugh. No idea what to picture here.
For where has it gone, that joy I once had? Meh. Could be worded more poetically.
Replaced by fear, the cold end, the mean. "Mean" is so bland.
I feel that I'm stuck, trapped in a horror scene. What? Where'd this come from? This doesn't really fit.
But fear, cold fear, what can I say? Using "fear" and "cold" too much.
I stare into the face of it everyday. I dunno about this line.

Okay.

My biggest problem with this was the flow. Or the lack thereof. Each and every line ended with a period or a question mark, except one, which was weird. But this adds up to a very annoying sense of haltedness. It's like each line had absolutely no relation to the others, like you were aiming for each line to stand out individually, instead of as a whole. This is not the goal of poetry. You want to take a more holistic approach.

My second problem lies with the language, which was extremely repetitive. You continually use bland words like "fear," "shout," "heavy," and "sick," among others. These are so tasteless. Like cauliflower. You don't do anything with these words, except throw them in and hope for the best. Again, it's the connectivity issue. If you're going to use gray words like these, at least use them metaphorically.

I have another big problem with the imagery, which there is none of. I can't picture a thing as I read this. There were no metaphors, no powerful adjectives describing some scene. There's nothing. I'm left staring at this foggy mental image that I cannot hope to relate to. Give me something to work with.

And then there's the rhythm. Ack. So cliched. I can't tell you how many poems I've read throughout my life that have that exact same rhythm and rhyme scheme. Please. Add in some originality. For the reader's sake.

Hope this review was helpful.

-Kafka

Just a few suggestions:

I call, I scream, I shout a name.
But who can I trust, just who can I blame? Take out "just"
My burden so heavy, my heart insecure.
I'm sick of this now,[*]how much shall I endure? [*]should be a space between "now," and "how"
Yes, I fear for my life, for my sickness uncured. Take out "yes"
These people they watch, they point, and they laugh.
For where has it gone, that joy I once had?
Replaced by fear, the cold end, the mean Eh, kinda unoriginal and boring.
I feel that I'm stuck, trapped in a horror scene. Love this line!
But fear, cold fear, what can I say? Fear was just used in the other line and is used twice in this one, maybe replace it for some other word "dread" as an example
I stare into the face of it everyday. This was OK, but seemed to be lacking. I was expecting a more jarring ending, and this kinda just...ended and it's a bit cliche' if you know what I mean.

Overall, I liked this, but I think it needs a little bit of work. I know I'm a terrible reviewer, so don't take anything too hard! Hehe Good job, just work on the originality, and fix up those few typos.

Hey Writer?
I really liked this because I felt that (unlike most rhyming poetry similar to this) it had a good flow to it (sorry Kafka, have to disagree with you). It had a good pace that kept me interested, and your wording was not complex, which was perfect for this poem.
Just what are you afraid of? Do you want the readers to each interpret this poem their own way?
Keep up the good work!
-Alex

Hi!

I'm sick of this now,how much shall I endure?

- You forgot to put a space after the comma here.

These people they watch, they point, and they laugh.

- I think there should be a comma after 'people'.


That is really a great poem! The emotions were laid down so well. And the words used are easy to understand which doesn't make it hard for the readers to relate to the poem. There is actually no clear imagery used but it's not really important. As far as I can see, the main focus of this poem is the emotion. Great job!

Never stop writing!

What is it about, bullying. I love it though, no matter the subject. You must have put real feeling into it. I like it, love it, and I feel you.

Fascinating poem. its breathtaking and also very emotional.