This needs to be added to! Even though this is pretty powerful for only three lines, it's just not enough to stand on its own. It leaves too many ifs in our heads, and doesn't hint at what's going on or even how the narrator honestly feels. Build off of this, make it evolve into something. Keep writing, StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
Yes this poem is too short. Sometimes a short poem is all we need but in this case it leaves us hanging wanting more. In order to connect to the reader you should add more. Think about it, walk around with a notepad and whenever something comes up write it down, it may come in fragments and make little sense but it will eventually build up to become quite amazing. Another thing, with this kinda poem jot things down when you are low, sadness awakens emotion and emotion awakens creativity at its best. xxx
I agree that this does need to be added to. It's frustrating to be left hanging lol! But there is powerful emotion started so once you get in the same state of mind, or reach somewhere inside you for more, write it down. This has so much potential!
It's just three lines, but it has an impact. Some poems are very long and seem like dragging, but your poem was nice, a bit different. I liked it. Keep up the work.
Wow. I read this and was like, where's the rest of the poem. I like the start you have but no poem can be 3 lines long, that's barely even a stanza! Add more onto it, elaborate on the idea, and pretty soon you'll get a nice poem. If you ever add more, I'll review it for you!
Writing is a haven. Writing is a solitude. Writing is a passion.
I must disagree with everyone here. I think that when i read this poem, I was infact expecting more. But, upon reading it, i was blown away with understanding and a powerful connection to what you wrote. Invisable tears, the epitome of your true deep hidden emotion, your face frozen in a smile, so overcome with grief that all you can do is hide it. There is much behind these three lines, and with the right level of understanding from the the reader, this can be a really powerful poem.
"And when you're out there, without care, yeah, I was out of touch! But it wasn't because I didn't know enough, I just knew too much."
This is not the amazing review I promised you XD thats coming soon.
My advice: more!
Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.
Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014 Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015 Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015
