mockingBird

So, here's a poem I wrote, in the style of e.e. cummings. I also got inspiration from Sylvia Plath. I won't tell you what it means just now, but perhaps I will if enough people ask.

Of course, the bits taken from nursery rhymes are not my originals. And please bear in mind that this is freeverse- everything is intentional.

________________________________________________________________

hush little
icebox sweet
and mama will buy you a mocking-
bird.
and if that sweet
little icebox
gets broke
mama’s gonna buyupsomany
deepfrozen mocking-
birds. yes sir, yes, sir
threebagsfull of

Birds

baked into a pie and when
the pie is opened
and the Birds
begin to unfreeze from the
icebox
hush
isn’t it a pretty sight to

eat?

I can definitely see e.e.cummings in the lack of capitalization and minimal punctuation, and just kind of the way it's written - and I'm not sure if this is the part you think of as being inspired by Sylvia Plath, but I think dead birds in an icebox defrosting is right up her (somewhat gruesome) alley.

I know that because this is a free verse and also because it's in the style of e.e.cummings I have no need to correct any grammar. But I would watch for some line breaks. Yes, it's free verse, but you still can't abandon flow or say, "This is free verse, so I can do whatever I want and to hell with the rest of you!" (Don't worry, I'm not saying you did that.) If you could, then anyone could just write poetry and never listen to anyone criticize them, and what would be the point of that? The main line I have in mind is "and mama will buy you a mocking-/bird." Because it's "mockingbird," which is actually just one word, I feel the flow is really interrupted here. Probably because it's just one word. So that's something to think about.

But overall, I like it - while I'm not a huge Sylvia Plath fan, I definitely like e.e.cummings and am totally cool with using his style.

~Blue

Thank you! Actually, I separated mocking from bird for a reason. I'm trying to drive across the point that bird- which, you may notice, does not retain its initial lower-case- does not necessarily mean what you think. But overall, thank you for the advice!