Corazón

Spoiler

Mushy and gushy and all that jazz. So happy Valentine's Day, YWS. Hope you haven't eaten lately. Topic Image borrowed from http://www.faqs.org/photo-dict/phrase/6 ... cells.html with no infringement intended.

Don't belittle what I tell you because I swear that you're greater
than me, than this town, than all of these wonderland dreams that won't touch reality.
You deserve more than fragrant words and ivory keys; it's the principle
of the matter, the motion behind the pen, the heartbeat inside my fingertips,
and my fingertips beneath your chin that matters in the end.
These words are more than just ink blotches scrawled with good meaning,
more than beauty and love and all the muscles that flex when we kiss.

Your face, darling--it's my sunshine.
The moments will pass while you read this and your lips will curve;
you'll feel the rush of heat to your cheeks. That is the blush of belonging,
the gentle kiss of a night at home writing silly love songs.
I could write about your eyes, like beacons, piercing the
fog with such eager abandon. I could sing about your voice like deep
harp strings, like the roll of a mourning soul.

What all of it means is that you're too brilliant, too fantastic to be
placed inside a glass metaphor; you're too amazing for an artist's dream.
What it all means is that you are loved, and that there's no sense
in concealing that.

I lovedd this! So sincere, romantic, and descriptive.

I love how you explain that he really is better then you. It's something people can connect with.


"you'll feel the rush of heat to your cheeks. That is the blush of belonging,
the gentle kiss of a night at home writing silly love songs. "
My favorite lines. Adorable. Lovely. Amazing.


"You deserve more than fragrant words and ivory keys; it's the principle
of the matter, the motion behind the pen, the heartbeat inside my fingertips,
and my fingertips beneath your chin that matters in the end. "
I like these lines too but the use of 'fingertips' so close together I don't like.

Good job. Kudos.

I love this. They have not created the adjectives to describe how much I love this.

You did a fantastic job of creating new metaphors to describe your love without falling into cliche or overused metaphors, until we hit

I could write about your eyes, like beacons, piercing the
fog with such eager abandon.

Eh. I adore everything up to this point, like "wonderland dreams" and "fragrant words and ivory keys" and even how "your face is my sunshine" or something along those lines; I loved the voice like harp strings. But the eyes, beacons, piercing the fog? You KNOW it's been done before, and the part of the beauty of this is that not many people will compare their lover's voice to harp strings. YOU will. Because you're AWESOME. You are so awesome that you would never describe anyone's eyes as lighthouses, essentially.

"Glass metaphor." Ridiculous. I love it. Maybe you should write romantic poetry more often.

But put a period at the end of your poem. Thanks.

And thanks for sharing!

Oh my gosh. I love this! This is what I call poetry! xD It's so beautiful! And I can feel the words just by reading it! Yet, you didn't use difficult words. This is just like [/i]perfect[/i]! I actually forgot the title while reading this lol. But when I saw the title again, it simply fits it.

*thumbs up and standing ovation to you!*

I love it,I love it,I love it!Y ou've written it with so much abandon,so much sincerity.Good job.Hope to review more and more of your works.

I absolutely love this!! The way you show so much amazing emotion, I love it. This is absolutely perfect, don't change a thing.

Hi! May I introduce myself,
I am lovelife, nice to meet you!

Oh
My
God!
That was utterly amazing!
I loved reading every word of it! You have such an amazing style of writing, very creative and beautiful.
I was hooked from the begining right to the last letter. The title caught my eye and I give you props for the brilliant title.
I like most everything...
EXCEPT ONE!
The length.
*sigh* yes, the length.
I rather do wish that you made it a little bit longer, but everything else is perfect!
This must be a very lucky girl you are talking about. I wish I could see her face when she reads this!
Again, I really enjoyed it.
I hope to read more writing like this from you. And thanks for posting it!

Hey Lumi,
I'm sorry that I really do not have much constructive criticizm for you. This is partly due to the fact that much of what I would have said was said before me, and partly due to the fact that this poem was increduble. I loved every bit of it.
Keep up the good work!
-Alex

Somebody is lucky to receive this poem!

First stanza was excellent. Really just brought itself to life. The second stanza was good as well. The description of the eyes was my favorite part. These stanzas made it all the more disappointing when you tacked on the last stanza. You took a poem that was heading in the right direction and frankly killed it. You gave a literal interpretation, a concrete answer, and a limited conclusion. "This poem means you're indescribable and I love you." Despite this I went back to reread the poem a few times and still enjoy the first two stanzas but I'd prefer ignoring the last one. If I had any practical suggestion it would be to rewrite your third stanza.

Wow...this totally changed the way how I look at poetry now...it's breathtaking and inspiring! Keep on writing, kay?

the motion behind the pen, the heartbeat inside my fingertips,
and my fingertips beneath your chin that matters in the end.

This is absolutely my favorite line. This poem was unbelievably wonderful. Only one lines bothered me.

These words are more than just ink blotches scrawled with good meaning,

The very last two words, "good meaning" are awkward along with the rest of the piece, and probably should be changed. This is just my opinion.

Keep writing.(:

~Panda;;

Oh. My. God. I think I fell in love with you a little bit...

My favorite part:

Lumi wrote:I could write about your eyes, like beacons, piercing the
fog with such eager abandon. I could sing about your voice like deep
harp strings, like the roll of a mourning soul.

What all of it means is that you're too brilliant, too fantastic to be
placed inside a glass metaphor; you're too amazing for an artist's dream.

That's so beautiful...
Please keep writing... Please.
<3

xoxo,
Kiicoh.

Oh. My. Gosh. That was the most sincere, heartfelt, beautiful thing I have every read. You wrote about sincere love, without adding anything that made it seem cheesy. Amazing work!

awww...thats a really very ssweet poem...the line i loved the most was "Your face, darling--it's my sunshine." It is really very sweet..... thinking of whomever you have written this poem...is very lucky indeed....

Holy romantic awesomeness >_<

Now, I'm going to state this right off the bat. The first stanza was ten times stronger than the second stanza. The third is halfway between the first and second on my scales of awesomeness, which is definitely a bit of a surprise. In any case, that appears to be my big problem with this. The way that its not quite constant all the way through.

You give us this really strong, really imaginative first stanza that connects emotion with metaphor and then to sensations like touch which is very important especially working with something romantic. Then you follow it up with kind of a basic, very prosey second stanza that simply states with comparison metaphors like 'your eyes... and your voice...'. Kind of like a love song, rather than a piece of poetry.

Now, I did like the end. I liked the idea that you contradict the idea of giving her to so many metaphors by stating that she is too grand for metaphors anyways which is very sweet and very romantic. I also like the last two lines simply because of how easy and quick they were. A way of explaining what was thick and a little over-the-top which ultimately comes with poetry.

My favourite part;

You deserve more than fragrant words and ivory keys; it's the principle
of the matter, the motion behind the pen, the heartbeat inside my fingertips,
and my fingertips beneath your chin that matters in the end.

Probably the most romantic thing I have ever read. Period. I'm pretty sure I popped a blood vessel over this one.

Least favourite;

I could write about your eyes, like beacons, piercing the
fog with such eager abandon. I could sing about your voice like deep
harp strings, like the roll of a mourning soul.

There is nothing particularly wrong with this bit. You have interesting metaphor, but it all kind of came out in a cliche, sort of sappy way that took away from the beautiful, original voice you gave up above. Pretty much, I feel like describing a woman's eyes is like playing the same record over and over and over again. Its a wonderful record, but its not the only record out there. So maybe we should change things up?

In any case, as a girl, I cannot, for the life of me, dislike this poem. It is way to cute. In fact, beyond it.

~Walker