Meet my Wife

I have never known you
but your blood courses my veins
I am yet to hold or touch you,
but the thoughts of u stray
accros the littered road i call mind
leavin goose pimples in the wake

I know who u are
You are
tall enough,u wont need high heels to do a good kiss
i am not sure what complexion, but you're not dirty black
I know you also a woman of timbre and greedy cleavage
You are not what this world calls beauty queen.
Thats very o.k
In my world u are the beautifule. the Elegante and the Gorgeouse
In my world you exist
On my runnway, you catwalk
On my tarmac,you taxi
I,d be the audience to cheer

You so intelligent
You challenge me always
You like to win the bread
I mind...Pls Wean the kids instead
While i sweat the bread
And if u insist? win the butter or the jam
I like mayo.Mayonnaise

Achiever
i hop i wont have to beg you to stop the degrees
how many u got now?
Very soon,u would need a postgraduate in babymaking
Dont worry, mummy tells of some tricks daddy used..
tis' not the reasonable man's test.
i wuld tutor u to the best of my inabilities

Proactive
i trust u have some names of our babies by now
[or u want us to do it together]
and you hv the wedding month picked
i heard you are pregnant already
whoever,whatever coupled you~
I wait to take delivery
of the wonderful ideas you call 'our future'
O!Your mind is so beautiful
I feel like taking a photograph of it
capturin in one fell instant for the sake
Of history's memory

Whats your name?
I know i am allowed to call u honey,
Love.
Fish.
Paloma.
Beyonce.
wify.
But i dont know what mama called u?

Where are u at?
i cant wait to tell u my stories
The things i really did and the things they said i did
The person they said i am, the person i truly am
Why i just chose to stroll past most of the time
Only u, you only, do i owe an explanation
maybe we publish the stories and have the bad mouths pay for
The heresies they so beautifully published
And we would make them the red carpet we tread on
As we receive the oscars,koras,academy,the grammys.oh!

Where are you?
are u reading this poem?
are u still in mamas womb?
are u still a thought in a grooms mind?
are u in law school with moi?
were u in Unilag wit me
Or in the same class?
Are u on facebook?
Are u my clients wife?
Are u asa, the one who sang 'jailer' and 'bibanke'?
I really hope you not my gardener's daughter?
And you are sure not the three year old i see nude-walkin next door?
Am sorry if that hurt but
wen u lookin for sth like the wife, u search everywhere
except your boxers
Anyways, i know
My own beautiful one is born
And her star is shining somewhere near
i could use some wise women, u know

If u are reading this
Just in case you are reading this
call me.call me
lets open the pages of this big book called love
You know love is a big big book
like Blacks law dictionary.
You neva know all the maxims after 5 years of undegraduature library torture
but you always have it by your side wen u can afford it.

Stay beautifule,gorgeouse,elegante and expensive
Thats the only way i 'd see u
wen u walk past again

Hmmmmmmmmm
I see u met my mother.

I'm TheNewHero. This is what I think of your poem.

Firstly, let me just say that you don't seem to command a good idea of audience. Who are you writing this poem to. Who do you want to read the poem. You can't expect juniors to read senior poems and vice versa. Australians wouldn't necessarily be touched by Martian poetry. Yes, there is a certain theming to it but it did feel like you were just writing.

The above paragraph mostly because of your slanguage. Your slang. The substitution of the word 'you' for the letter 'u'. I don't have a problem with it if it's done properly, but it wasn't. I say this because even the simples things like fullstops and capital letters were wrongly placed. Now, all I'm saying is that you probably wrote this on a keyboard. And it seems quite long. So you probably had the time to type everything out neater and with better punctuation. Not for me. For you. I didn't have a problem with it, but many readers can be turned off. That and it makes the poem confusing.

But the poem is less confusing because of this line:

i am not sure what complexion, but you're not dirty black

It makes you come off, honestly, as crude. Maybe that's not what you wanted, but the whole language of your poem made you just look sexist. That line specifically offended me because I'm - surprize, surprize! - black. Honestly, you later go on to acknowledge Beyonce as beautiful and she's black. Maybe you meant that dark deep African, sunburned black? Whatever the case you still get beautiful - or more accurately, sexy - people in that complexion frame and it is wrong to simply dismiss an entire race of people because you saw one black person with perhaps some skin complexion inequalities.

As I said above, your poem comes off as crude. I barely sensed it until I started thinking along that wavelength. You have simply made a picture of 'the perfect woman'. And they will argue that poetry is about self expression. Don't get me wrong, be as crude as you want, but do it in style and cleverly. If you're going to write an image of a hypersexualized, 'trophy-woman', go ahead. But do it full force. Don't try and tone down your image. YWS features a rating system which is very helpful to warn younger readers that the work contains inappropriate material.

Helpful tip: Use stereotypes. Either enforce them or break them. It sometimes comes off as tacky when you have that gorgeous and intelligent to 100% girl. Unless you really pull it off. Stereotypes make us re-question our definition of people and things, they get into our minds and lie there. That would be a great way to drive your poem.

God bless,
TheNewHero.

Hey olubunni!
I thought that your poem was quite good, but I think that it has some points that could do with improving.

Firstly, I agree with TheNewHero as to the way you used slang in this poem. I don't quite understand why you used it in some places, yet used the full word (such as you) in other places. I think that this poem would work better if you used proper English instead of slang, for it doesn't really seem to work with the poem very well.

Also, I feel like this poem wanders around quite a lot. For example, you have one part about being in the womb, and another about being on the red carpet at the Oscars. (That's not the best example, but those two things don't share many topics in common.) I think that this poem is quite beautiful in parts, but it doesn't make a particular strong point like most poems; in fact, this one is making a variety of weak points to me. I think that you need to make it more obvious what your poem is pointing to.

This might just be me, but I am confused as to why you have written about your mother at the end. I thought the poem was about who you would marry? At any rate, most of the poem seemed to point to that, along with the title. I apologise if this just a silly point and I didn't read something properly, but I didn't understand and your audience might not either.

I also agree with TheLostHero about the line

i am not sure what complexion, but you're not dirty black

This is probably worth changing, as it could be seen as rather offensive and it's not the best way to describe this person's complexion.

Anyway, I thought your poem was great, but could do with a little more work. Well done, though!

~strawberrypop13