The Truth

money ain't powerTV ain't fun and love is truly not enough

I recomend you change "aint" to the word isn't

I don't know,I think (ain't) sounds better,but thanks.I'll think about it.

close your eyes
and open your heart
you'll see
what others can not
you'll see the truth
you'll see
what was there all along

money ain't power
TV ain't fun
and love is truly not enough

Get a grip
and you'll find
life awesome
and the world will shine
just do it and try
trust me I don't lie


this is very good the only thing i would change is write the two comparasins one in normal font and the other in italicized or bold font

I really liked this because it sounded real, not like you spent a long time thinking about diction or imagery. I especially like the part where you say love isn't enough, so true! The only thing I would change would be the last line, I think you should put a line break in between trust me and I don't lie. It would flow better that way. Good Job!!

This really isnt that good. Its not really a poem if you think about it. Its really kind of a rap. The rhyme is also pretty off. Its sometimes is abcb and others abcd. I see the effort put into this, but you just couldn't get it quite right. Good luck next time.

I like it! You shouldn't change the ''ain't'' because it sounds good..
perhaps you should change:
''life awesome''
into:
"that life is awesome"

but either way, great work!

I think this is very good, but almost needs more of a middle, if you know what I mean. I think you jump into the point to quickly and it makes the reader stop and re-read saying, 'wait, did I miss something?' Also, i agree with qaralynn, you should change 'life awesome" to something like "that life is awesome" or maybe "the remarkability within life" Don't feel like you have to though, this is your own poem. I do really like it, and hope to read more if you write more to it.

Thanks for commenting.I can really use the tips.