Encased in My Nightmare

Encased in a nightmare
I hide behind my hands
Waiting for it to disappear
Waiting for it to
Disperse

The mirror is my enemy
It's like a fun house
Short and fat
Short and fat
It's not fun at all

Skinny girls
With collarbones out
And only one chin
Run around me
Making me dizzier with every bite
I never take

My energy has left me
Sluggish and tired
Wishing for it to be over

It's too embarrassing
To be seen in public
My thighs flapping in the wind
My chin bouncing up and down
Up and down
Up and down

Encased in my nightmare
I hide behind my hands
Tears running down
Threatening to drown me
Let them


*Please, feedback, please!*

Encased in a nightmare
I hide behind my hands I like
Waiting for it to disappear
Waiting for it to
Disperse this is awkward all alone

The mirror is my enemy cliche
It's like a fun house
Short and fat
Short and fat
It's not fun at all writing seems as if written by someone really young here

Skinny girls
With collarbones out
And only one chin
Run around me
Making me dizzier with every bite
I never take Okay, interesting

My energy has left me energy caused this? whaa?
Sluggish and tired good work choice with 'sluggish'
Wishing for it to be over

It's too embarrassing
To be seen in public
My thighs flapping in the wind
My chin bouncing up and down
Up and down
Up and down I dislike the repitition

Encased in my nightmare
I hide behind my hands
Tears running down
Threatening to drown me
Let them too angsty

Encased in a nightmare
I hide behind my hands
Waiting for it to disappear
Waiting for it to
DisperseDoes not sound good. Better keep it with the previous line rather than keeping it here.

The mirror is my enemy
It's like a fun house
Short and fat
Short and fatAvoid repetitions one after another it disturbs the flow.
It's not fun at all

Skinny girls
With collarbones out
And only one chinOnly one chin? Is having one chin odd?
Run around me
Making me dizzier with every bite
I never take

My energy has left meIf you something other than energy here it would sound more better
Sluggish and tired
Wishing for it to be over

It's too embarresing embarrassing
To be seen in public
My thighs flapping in the wind
My chin bouncing up and down
Up and down
Up and downAgain repetitions. Try avoiding them.

Encased in my nightmare
I hide behind my hands
Tears running down
Threatening to drown me
Let themI like this paragraph. A good one

I liked it. Has a good meaning in it. But do give punctuation marks. They are the backbone of a poem so your has a missing backbone.. All in all a good piece of poetry..
Keep writing.

Really good. I do agree with the others that "disperse" sounds a little awkward alone - in fact, I would actually repeated the line before, "Waiting for it to disappear," so that the repetition there lines up with the repetition at the end. In my opinion "the mirror is my enemy" is not cliched, but if you want to make it less cliched for those who think it is, I would maybe put something about "the girl in the mirror is my enemy." I also actually like the repetition that occurs later on in the poem. I suggest changing "it's not fun at all" - it's not too young, but compared to the rest it doesn't shine as much. I love "with every bite/ I never take."

Overall, good job. Very powerful.

~Blue

Wow, this is really cool. I think I finnally got it, it seems like it's about an eating disorder or something. I don't think it's cliched, it's really good. Keep writing

-ilm

I really enjoyed reading this. I didn't think it was cliche at all! Keep up the good work!