Broken heart

Even today when I listen to those songs
it brings old memories along.
Those meetings, those calls.
Were they false or had any meaning at all?

Still I try to find out why I said yes.
But the answer to this I never get.
But one thing is sure
that there is something more.
There are some questions still unanswered.
There are some feelings still unexpressed.
There is a deep sorrow that can't be addressed.

Was it real or just a prank?
Thinking this my heart sank.
But as the time passes by
my bleeding heart wants to run away.
Leaving the mysteries unsolved
I try to live as happy as all!

Even today when I listen to those songs

it brings in old memories along.

"brings in" is a little awkward, try something else like: "bring along"

Were they false or had any meaning at all?

This might be better as: "Were they false or have any meaning at all?" But even that is a little awkward, think it over...

Still I try to find out why I said yes,
but the answer to this I never get.
But one thing is sure,

There are some feelings which are still unexpressed.

But as the time passes by,
my bleeding heart wants to run away.
Leaving the mysteries unsolved
I try to live as happy as all!

This last part is a little awkward. It doesn't rhyme at all... Fix it?

Great poem, I could totally feel the emotion!! Wonderful job

Keep writing,
Alzora

I really like this poem and can relate to the author's feelings.
Just remember to start every line of the poem with a capital letter.
There isn't much else for me to say about this one except well done

I like this, its quite beautiful. Makes me smile
The structure is nice and simplistic making it something easy to follow and capturing for the reader.
I also liked the rythmic appeal of it though this could be developed I think to make it slightly stronger and entice a greater reader.
I especially liked:

But one thing is sure
that there is something more.

The imagery is lovely.
A great piece of poetry.
Well done!

This line loses its ring, since it's more slant rhyme:

Still [/b]I try to find out why I said yes.
But the answer to this i never get.

How about using the word "guess". Also, I notice, as you can see in my edit, that you don't capitalize the word "I". Any particular reason? Just curious.

There are some questions which are unanswered.
There are some feeling which are still unexpressed.
There is a deep sorrow which can't be addressed.

This sounds like one line too many. How about you get rid of this one, so the poem will flow better.

However, I did greatly enjoy this piece. Your attempt at slant line, admittedly, slows me down, but your use of wordage and the message you're trying to come across, the truth or lies behind love, is very moving. Thank you for sharing.

~Panda;;

I like this, though I do have a suggestion.

Even today when I listen to those songsit brings in old memories along.
I think it would flow a bit better here if you changed "today" to "now". but that's just me.

Nice poem.
Keep writing!

I agree with everyone, it's very good. (I got it to work, so I can comment!) I really liked it, really awesome. Good job! "India, India, India!" - The Master of Disguise

I really like it,I don't think it needs any change.Bravo:D

this is a nice poem I think. There is feeling and that's great. Heartbreak is a terribly emotion and like the first commentator said I feel this is a poem that many can relate to.
good job!

ehte92 wrote:Even today when I listen to those songs
it brings in old memories along.
Those meetings, those calls.
Were they false or had any meaning at all? How about just "did they have any meaning at all?"

Still I try to find out why I said yes.
But the answer to this I never get. Okay, "get" and "yes" rhyme about just as much as "scary" and "llama." How about "still I try to squelch my distress." That's what I just came up with on the spot, so I have no doubt you can think up something better.
But one thing is sure, Unless you take that last advice, these two lines both end in "but."
that there is something more.
There are some questions which are still unanswered.
There are some feelings which are still unexpressed.
There is a deep sorrow which that can't be addressed.

Was it real or just a prank? "Prank" kind of ruins the feeling.
Thinking this my heart sank.
But as the time passes by
my bleeding heart wants to run away. "Away" and "by" don't really rhyme.
Leaving the mysteries unsolved
I try to live as happy as all! "As all?" Huh?

-Kafka