This Masquerade

Spoiler

Here are some of my past insecurities at its eerie best! I had this piece published during my senior year of high school, by this website: http://www.poeticpower.com/poetry.php . It's sad, however, now that I'm in college; the site only allows student submissions between the grades of K-3; 4-6; 7-9; 10-12

The mask is on…

I hide my shame;
But who’s to blame
If not myself,
Here, in this audience of one?

Start the music…

The soundtrack of my affliction begins to play;
Notes of darkness that drive out the day,
Like a black wind.

The ball begins…

And so I dance with my regrets;
No structure, no form, just an eerie silhouette.
But it’s all I know,
It’s all I’ve ever known…

The mask is off...

This is me,
And I’m afraid,
To live this life, this masquerade…

2009 Vincent Cuccolo

Admittedly, the ONLY part that bothered me, and it's rather insignificant, is how you rhyme only one line. But, quite frankly, it adds the lyrical aspect of the entire piece, which I greatly enjoyed! I'm glad you had this published at one point, that's a feat in itself! Kudos to you!

~Panda;;

The mask is on…

I hide my shame;
But who’s to blame
If not myself,
Here, in this audience of one?

Excellent. I love the last two lines especially, because they quickly an skillfully establish the atmosphere. The one problem I have with this is that the opening line could be better. I love it, of course, but I don't adore it. I think it could be more catchy.

Start the music…

The soundtrack of my affliction begins to play;
Notes of darkness that drive out the day,
Like a black wind.

Again, I love it. However, I have a problem with the second line. It is rhythm-breaking, kind of worded in a confusing way, and the words "drive out" (how about "expel?") and "darkness" (how about "twilight?") could be better.

The ball begins…

And so I dance with my regrets;
No structure, no form, just an eerie silhouette.
But it’s all I know,
It’s all I’ve ever known…

Again, my sole annoyance lies in the second line. It is very long, which really kills the rhythm. Easily fixed, but notable nonetheless.

The mask is off...

This is me,
And I’m afraid,
To live this life, this masquerade…

Very nice work. I absolutely love it. Consider an alternative word for "afraid."

Well, keep writing, by all means.

-Kafka