I dug my toes deeper into the sand. Maybe I could hide under the cool earth forever and I would vanish, my troubles would vanish too. The waves of the soft water smoothed over my feet as if trying to comfort me. Everything would be lost in the pleasure of nature. Just then the creature in my arms babbled something loudly and smacked me in the face with its chubby little hand. My arms tightened around the small body of the baby and for a split second I couldn’t remember why I was dealing with it in the first place. I set it down before I could crush it. Startled, it fell over face first with a splash. She sat up and looked at me as if she we’re holding her breath. I stared at it. Her mouth opened and her dark eyes filled with hurt tears. Still no sound came out.
“BREATHE!” I finally yelled and she broke out in a long wail, red face, bulging veins, the whole tamale. Goodness this baby was a parasite! Always needing attention, never letting me think strait for half a second! She looked up at me and an unexplainable wave of shame remorse came over me and I helplessly plopped down next to her. The tiny thing crawled over to me and climbed into my crossed legs. I debated about holding her; I didn’t want her getting used to this. So we both sat their looking out over the endless ocean. I felt so small. Would I be able to escape with this baby on my back? Would I be able to get away at all? I felt her warm cheek on my leg and I knew she was asleep. Time for bed I mumbled to the air as I laid my back against the soft grains of the beach. I wouldn’t cry tonight, I was done remembering, done looking back. We could only move forward from here. And that was exactly what I intended to do.
