Picture Perfect

I think everyone tries to be what this poem calls "picture perfect" at some point in their lives... sometimes it seems you have no choice but to hide your pain... Anyways, hope you enjoy, and feed back is appreciated!


With so many thoughts swirling in my head, it’s hard to know just where to begin.
With so many problems faced day to day, I doubt that I’ll ever win.

The life around me is like a dream; I'm not certain anymore what anything means.
It’s so easy to become what they all picture perfect.
But at the same time I wonder, is it really worth it?

I have put my life on hold,
faking a smile, and sometimes laughter,
the entire time just waiting to make it to another chapter.

When you’re on the outside looking in, you don’t see the things that are wrong.
You don’t see the pain or confusion, or if you do, I hope I seem strong.
It’s all part of the plan, to be picture perfect.

To seem stronger then I am… tell me that it’s worth it.
If not, what am I doing this for?
Why am I trying to fight this war?
As pointless as it seems, it’s only to be picture perfect.

Amberla93 wrote:With so many thoughts swirling in my head, it’s hard to know just where to begin. How about another word in the place of "swirling?"
With so many problems faced day to day, I wonder if I’ll ever win. Maybe you could say "doubt that I'll...."

The life around me seems just like a dream; I ‘m not certain anymore what anything means. Really long line.
It’s so easy to become what I call picture perfect. What you call? How about what they call, or even what we call?
But at the same time I wonder, is it really worth it?

I have put my life on hold,
faking a smile, or maybe some laughter, Don't think you need "or maybe."
the entire time just waiting to make it to another chapter.

That way, when you’re on the outside looking in, you don’t see the things that are wrong. Again, very long line. Long lines tend to interrupt the rhythm somewhat.
You don’t see the pain or confusion, or if you do, I hope I seem strong. Great. Love it.
It’s all part of the plan, to seem picture perfect.Overusing "seem" a little.

To seem stronger then I am… tell me that it’s worth it. Again with the "seem." Besides that, excellent line.
If not, then what am I doing this for? I think you could get rid of the "then."
Why am I trying to fight this war?
As pointless as it seems, it’s only to be, picture perfect. I don't think you need the second comma.

Wow! Very full of emotion. This was a superb little piece of writing. Keep it up, by all means!

-Kafka

Hey there.
This a a very good piece. Very well done mate. It brings out some raw emotions which is very good for a poem like this.
Some of the things which i would have pointed out as i see is already pointed out by Kafka.
I really loved how you used the punctuation. It makes it look very neat and gives it a good structure but you should not use such huge lines.
Keep up the great work.
PM me for anything.

I really enjoyed your poem, it has good poetic devices and spellings but it could be more descriptive but besides that great poem.


With so many thoughts swirling in my head, it’s hard to know just where to begin.
With so many problems faced day to day, I wonder if I’ll ever win.

The life around me seems just like a dream, I ‘m not certain anymore what anything means.
It’s so easy to become what I call picture perfect.
But at the same time I wonder, is it really worth it?

I have put my life on hold,
faking a smile, or maybe some laughter,
the entire time just waiting to make it to another chapter.

That way, when you’re on the outside looking in, you don’t see the things that are wrong.
You don’t see the pain or confusion, or if you do, I hope I seem strong.
It’s all part of the plan, to seem picture perfect.

To seem stronger then I am… tell me that it’s worth it.
If not, then what am I doing this for?
Why am I trying to fight this war?
As pointless as it seems, it’s only to be, picture perfect

I really liked the poem! and I like the title "Picture Perfect"!

This one speaks to everybody, that's what I like about it. Being "perfect" is an illusion that we try to achieve in life, but without failure there is no flavor or color in life. I think it's harder to try to be perfect. Failure is a guarantee, but perfection is like any false pleasure. It only lasts for a season. Good job.