Paranormality

whispers.... i cant make out what they are saying though. looking around my candle lit room, i fall back into a sea of pillows trying to drown out the sound. slowly falling asleep i remember what my older sister had told me, "Perseus don't listen to the voices!!! they aren't good!!!!"she had told me that as she was taken to a mental institute. i heard a gentle knock at my door. "Perseus?" my mother opened the door her hazel eyes peering over at me. "yeah? is every thing okay?" she came in and sat on the foot of my bed. her black hair gently resting on her shoulders. "yes, its just you've seemed depressed since your sister was taken." i closed my eyes the voices now fading away. "no, im fine. I've just had allot on my mind thats all." she got up and kissed my forehead, "okay Hun call me if you need anything." "will do mom.". she left and closed the door behind her. she was actually right. since Anya was taken I've been hearing things. like scratching, talking, walking, screaming, and other stuff like that. it was very frightening. i remembered a week before they took Anya, it was about 2:48 A.M. i was lying in bed sound asleep. then to be awoken by a shriek of horror come from her room. i started yelling out for her. running toward her room i noticed her screaming came to a dead silence. i looked down at her door. it was wide open (she went o bed with it closed). i looked down at the floor near her room. there was a trail of blood like someone was dragged down the hall. i ran to her room and peered in. she wasn't in there. the cross on her wall was on fire, her pillows and blanket on the floor and her sheets were drenched in blood. worried i'd ran down the hallway following the blood. when the blood ended i found her lying in the basement, her arms and legs covered in cuts.thick, think, short, long, deep, and barleys scratching the surface. i walked down the steps my bare feet made the old wood steps creak. i picked her up and carried her out of the basement and layed her on the couch. i cleaned and bandaged her wounds . i let her sleep in my room and i on the couch in the living room. i pray to god that what happened to Anya doesn't happen to me.... and if it dose i hope my mom believes me this time.

This was an interesting story and there were a lot of spelling and grammer mistakes. So many that I'm not going to go through them. I got where you were coming from and everything, but the story seemed to be lacking proper development of chrarcters and background to the story. You needed to put a bit more description of her feelings in and explain things a little more. Especially at the end where I was very confused about what was going on, but if you develop your ideas further then I think you could have a good story. Do try to correct your spelling and grammer though.

You must already be raring to get started with writing, seeing as this is your first post. First, let me extend a warm welcome to on on behalf of YWS. Now, onto the review.

I enjoyed your sense of imagination here; you must enjoy creative writings of the paranormal and generally darker side of the fountain pen.

First up, I will make a friendly reminder about the scourge of readers and writers alike, the dreaded, "solid block of text". Writing of horror and various taboos can be great fun; however, when presented in the form of "a paragraph of word stew", it's all too easy to achieve a different, unintentional scare. This being the scaring away of interested readers by the intimidating, seemingly endless stream of conscious thought.

I'll leave things at some key basics to pay attention to; otherwise, you will find a boon in YWS's own "Knowledge Base" resource found here at the following location: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/forum320.html. Writing can be a rewarding hobby and fun past time, but it's not all fun and games. I don't think many writers, especially not any who write creative fiction, actually sit down to write anything with the thought,

"Oh boy, I can't wait to get into the fantastically suffocating, nitty gritty, and formal rules of my language!"

At least I know that I don't. But as cliche as the saying "practice makes perfect" is, cliches don't come to be without some level of truth in them.

whispers....

i cant make out what they are saying though. looking around my candle lit room, i fall back into a sea of pillows trying to drown out the sound.

slowly falling asleep i remember what my older sister had told me, "Perseus don't listen to the voices!!! they aren't good!!!!" she had told me that as she was taken to a mental institute.

i heard a gentle knock at my door.

"Perseus?" my mother opened the door her hazel eyes peering over at me.

"yeah?"

" is every thing okay?" she came in and sat on the foot of my bed. her black hair gently resting on her shoulders. "yes, its just you've seemed depressed since your sister was taken."

i closed my eyes the voices now fading away. "no, im fine. I've just had allot on my mind thats all."

she got up and kissed my forehead, "okay Hun call me if you need anything."

"will do mom.".

she left and closed the door behind her. she was actually right. since Anya was taken I've been hearing things. like scratching, talking, walking, screaming, and other stuff like that. it was very frightening.

i remembered a week before they took Anya, it was about 2:48 A.M. i was lying in bed sound asleep. then to be awoken by a shriek of horror come from her room. i started yelling out for her. running toward her room i noticed her screaming came to a dead silence. i looked down at her door. it was wide open (she went o bed with it closed). i looked down at the floor near her room. there was a trail of blood like someone was dragged down the hall. i ran to her room and peered in. she wasn't in there. the cross on her wall was on fire, her pillows and blanket on the floor and her sheets were drenched in blood.

worried i'd ran down the hallway following the blood. when the blood ended i found her lying in the basement, her arms and legs covered in cuts.thick, think, short, long, deep, and barleys scratching the surface. i walked down the steps my bare feet made the old wood steps creak. i picked her up and carried her out of the basement and layed her on the couch. i cleaned and bandaged her wounds . i let her sleep in my room and i on the couch in the living room. i pray to god that what happened to Anya doesn't happen to me.... and if it dose i hope my mom believes me this time.

Just some minor editing to illustrate the points at hand.

Separate collections of related actions and thoughts by breaking related thoughts up into five sentences at a time, maximum. Overall for a short story, three to four sentences per paragraph is more ideal, but no one will scream at the occasional 6 lined paragraph nor the recurrence of a separated pair, so long as you have a good reason to do so and it helps, not hinders, the natural flow of thought when reading.

There is an important exception to this general rule; break up spoken dialog into separate lines. Additionally, be sure to clearly identify the speaker and any narrative action on the speaker's part. ie:

"I like pie," she paused briefly, "No, it's cake that I like, not pie."

Be sure that with contractions, basically the combination of two words, you put an apostrophe to show the omission of letters in the contraction. ie:

"To say you can't do something, is the same as saying that you cannot do something."

Mind that the English language can be quite confusing with the constant breaking of its own rules. Cannot to can't and will not to won't, are two common exceptions to rules governing contractions, Does not to doesn't and I am to I'm, follow the standard rule. Furthermore, when you intend to use 'it is' as a contraction, you actually write 'it's'; however, when you need the pronoun 'it' to show ownership, you write 'its'. Here, the general rule for contractions supersedes the one for possessive nouns and pronouns, rather, the showing of a noun's or a pronoun's ownership.

Be sure to review rules on what makes a complete sentence and how to identify fragments. The pronoun 'I', which is a first person reference to ones own self, is always capitalized. The same goes for the first letter of every sentence. Remember that a period signifies a complete stop and thus, the end of a complete thought. A comma means to 'slow down' and pay attention to a certain part within a complete thought.

A commonly practiced exercise to determine if you need a period or not, is to mentally say 'stop' at every period. When you do this, it becomes more apparent when something is out of place. Though as always, the English language is tricky with its exceptions. Don't stress over all of the exceptions too much and focus on practicing with the main rules. However, do be sure to note if a previously unknown exception to any rule is made known; you can always come back to these later.

Otherwise, I really do love the expression of imagination. Your usage of adjectives (words that modify, or describe, nouns, or subjects) and the overall, descriptive depictions show evidence of this. Polish up your basics with review and lots of practice. No, you are not weird or crazy to not want to immerse yourself with the tedium of grammar, sentence structure, and spelling. Yes, you will improve from continued, hard work, regardless of how much practice might sometimes kill the fun in writing.